The long view.Welcome to the United States United States, officially United States of America, republic (2005 est. pop. 295,734,000), 3,539,227 sq mi (9,166,598 sq km), North America. The United States is the world's third largest country in population and the fourth largest country in area. ! We're so glad you could join us! We know you've had an exhausting journey, so we promise to make this process as simple and fun as possible! We know that you have your choice of countries to sneak into, and we're pleased that you've chosen to sneak into ours. You're an important and irreplaceable part of our economy, and we want you to know we appreciate your enthusiasm in skirting our standard immigration immigration, entrance of a person (an alien) into a new country for the purpose of establishing permanent residence. Motives for immigration, like those for migration generally, are often economic, although religious or political factors may be very important. procedures. By now you've had something to eat and drink, and you've been issued your official Newcomer T-Shirt, slippers, and amenity a·men·i·ty n. pl. a·men·i·ties 1. The quality of being pleasant or attractive; agreeableness. 2. Something that contributes to physical or material comfort. 3. kit for your brief stay here in our Intake Facility. The following questionnaire was developed as a result of the Amnesty & Open Arms Act of 2007. As you make your way through the questions, please feel free to ask any member of the Welcome & Transition Staff--recognizable by their blue jumpsuits--for help. And thanks again for coming! If you can read this sentence without difficulty, please go directly to Question 1. If you cannot read this, please request a Welcome Packet in your native language. If no packet is available in your native language: Congratulations! Your civil rights have been violated and you may be eligible to participate in a class-action suit Noun 1. class-action suit - a lawsuit brought by a representative member of a large group of people on behalf of all members of the group class action against the federal government. Please wave over a member of the Newcomer Legal Counseling & Support Staff--recognizable by their orange jumpsuits--and gesture confusedly until they give you the proper form. NEW NEW NEW This questionnaire and other U.S. citizenship information are now available as podcasts! Please ask a member of the Newcomer New Technology Welcome Staff--recognizable by their green jumpsuits--to introduce you to this exciting new technology. If you do not have an iPod: Congratulations! Your civil rights have been violated pursuant to the Openness & Generosity Act of 2007, in which newcomers are guaranteed "access" to all forms of "information technology." You may qualify for a new or reconditioned re·con·di·tion tr.v. re·con·di·tioned, re·con·di·tion·ing, re·con·di·tions To restore to good condition, especially by repairing, renovating, or rebuilding. iPod and extensive iPod training. Please wave over a member of the Extension of Services Staff--recognizable by their red jumpsuits--and point in a variety of indistinct in·dis·tinct adj. 1. Not clearly or sharply delineated: an indistinct pattern; indistinct shapes in the gloom. 2. Faint; dim: indistinct stars. 3. directions until your meaning is clear. >>>SPECIAL SECTION: PLEASE READ<<< The American English American English n. The English language as used in the United States. Noun 1. American English - the English language as used in the United States American language, American Simplification Act of 2007 requires all newcomers to be able to adequately summarize sum·ma·rize intr. & tr.v. sum·ma·rized, sum·ma·riz·ing, sum·ma·riz·es To make a summary or make a summary of. sum the key moments in American history, and to show reasonable proficiency in humming and/or whistling the national anthem. As that act is currently facing a variety of court challenges, at present we are ONLY requiring that newcomers show a basic familiarity with ANY television program currently being broadcast on an established television network. Please note that this INCLUDES programs on the Univision and Telemundo networks. Thanks for your understanding. SECTION I Question 1: Are you presently here in the United States? If you answered YES to Question 1, please proceed to Section II of this form. If you answered NO to Question 1, please complete this form as best you can and hand it to the first member of the Welcome & Intake Staff--recognizable by their purple jumpsuits--you see after crossing the border. SECTION II Congratulations! You have successfully sneaked across the American border and are five minutes away from legal American citizenship! If you DID NOT sneak across the American border, please STOP filling out this form and wave over a member of the Immigration Enforcement Staff--recognizable by their black jumpsuits--for immediate deportation deportation, expulsion of an alien from a country by an act of its government. The term is not applied ordinarily to sending a national into exile or to committing one convicted of crime to an overseas penal colony (historically called transportation). . NEW NEW NEW Pursuant to the Newcomer Rights & Services Act of 2007, please answer the following questions: Did you at any time during your border crossing suffer from thirst thirst, sensation indicating the body's need for water. Dry or salty food and dry, dusty air may induce such a sensation by depleting moisture in the mucous membranes of the mouth and throat. , nervousness and/or anxiety, rapid heartbeat (1) A periodic signal generated by hardware for activation and/or synchronization purposes. See MHz. (2) A periodic signal generated by hardware or software to indicate that it is still running. 1. , gastrointestinal distress, or any other related disorder? Was your clothing torn and/or soiled during your experience? If you answered YES to either of the above questions: Congratulations! Your civil rights have been violated and you are eligible to participate in two class-action suits against the federal government. Please wave over a member of the Rights & Services Support Staff--recognizable by their sequined se·quin n. 1. A small shiny ornamental disk, often sewn on cloth; a spangle. 2. A gold coin of the Venetian Republic. Also called zecchino. tr.v. jumpsuits--and point frantically to this section until you are handed money. If you answered NO to either of the above questions, please proceed to Section III. SECTION III Congratulations! You're an American citizen! Please sign the form below to receive the benefits of American citizenship immediately. (sign here) Congratulations! As an American citizen currently in an Intake Facility, your civil rights have officially been violated. You are eligible to participate in a class-action suit against the federal government. Please wave over a member of the Citizens' Rights Support Staff--recognizable by their suede jumpsuits--and wave this form in an excited fashion until you are issued a check and a lapel pin A lapel pin is a small pin often worn on the lapel of a dress jacket. Lapel pins can be purely ornamental or can indicate the wearer's affiliation with an organization or cause; for example, American Flag lapel pins became very popular in the United States, especially among of the flag of your choice. |
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