The case for castration, part 1.

A convicted child molester argues for the only treatment which he believes will prevent him from re-offending

Childrens' nightmares are haunted by demons, some imagined, others real. I'm one of the real ones; I haunt the dreams of scores of children. You'll find me in a Texas prison serving an eight year sentence for molesting a single boy. That's all the court convicted me of, but I have abused close to 200 children.

In the United States, thousands of kids meet monsters like me each year. We prowl your communities, stalking, pouncing when possible, forcing children to endure degrading, violent acts. We wear the innocent-looking masks of a father, step-father, uncle, cousin. We could wear the caring face of a baby-sitter, or a teacher, or a priest. I myself have worn various masks: brother, cousin, step-father, uncle, school-bus driver, family friend. All to molest unsuspecting boys and girls.

Scarcely a week goes by without another disturbing news report about another poor soul victimized by a child rapist. Listen carefully to that next report. Odds are that you'll hear that this same sex offender had a past conviction for molesting at least one other child.

That's because prison is not a deterrent for most sex offenders, and it definitely will not be a deterrent for me. I do not want to return to prison; I would like to be a law abiding citizen. But the threat of being incarcerated for the rest of my life--and the threat of spending, as I believe I will, an eternity in hell--will not stop me from re-offending when I am released.

In fact, in many cases, prison intensifies sex offenders, conditions by making us more savage. Where once we would "playfully" undress a victim, we now roughly strip them. What was once inappropriate touching and "caressing" escalates to a full-scale invasion. What was fondling and masturbation becomes dehumanizing sodomy. What used to be a cultivated "relationship" that took time and preparation becomes an unplanned kidnapping and rape where children are beaten, tortured, ravaged, and often found dead and mutilated, or never found at all. You see, sex offenders who've been to prison not only emerge with an appetite for violence but also learn a lesson about how to stay out of jail: make sure that the next victim can't ever report them.

I speak from experience. Lately, many of my dreams and fantasies have become more violent. My sleep is plagued with fantasies of raping kidnapped children in a way that renders them unable to identify me. Without the right treatment, I believe that eventually I will rape, then murder, my victims to keep them from reporting me. That scares me. It should scare you, too.

To reduce these crimes against your children, Texas Governor Ann Richards, for example, advocates more prisons and "harsher" sentences for sex offenders, especially repeat child molesters. Thus she's pushing for more of a solution that does not work, a solution that only means I will take up bed space in one of the many new prisons she is spending millions of dollars on so that later I can commit the same crime. The fact is, prison is nothing more than an oversized, overpriced homeless shelter. Inmates are well fed and clothed and have warm beds to sleep in, all for free. To sex offenders, loss of freedom simply means there are no children available to rape. But we can get child pornography, we can fantasize about the children we watch on television, and we have the memories of our past crimes. Moreover, sex is plentiful in prison. We substitute young-looking partners for children and let our imagination do the rest.

Our victims, meanwhile, retain the searing, ghastly memories of abuse, memories that can last a lifetime. Who is punished more?

According to Texas statutes, as well as those of most other states, child molesters currently in prison can be paroled. But a grotesquely high percentage of all untreated sex offenders rape again. Returning us to prison makes us stop--but getting us back in jail means that another child must first fall prey. The system returns a child molester to prison after he is captured by the police, after the child-victim has suffered the torture and savagery of being abused, after the child-victim has endured a grueling and humiliating interrogation by strangers. Always after, and always too late to save the child. Our justice system, by releasing criminals like me into communities without effective treatment, now dooms countless children to abuse. And most child rapists get away with raping many children, some over and over before being caught.

There is a civilized alternative to this tragic cycle: castrate repeat sex offenders.

Now, some good and decent citizens claim that castration itself is barbaric. What is barbaric is what I have done to so many children; refusing to castrate me is barbaric to the children I will molest. Mandatory castration of sex offenders, whether for their first, second, or third conviction of a sex offense, is currently a violation of the United States Constitution because it is considered "cruel and unusual punishment." But no punishment is crueler or more unusual than the pain I have caused my victims. Voluntary castration is not unconstitutional, but no state allows it.

The governor of Texas, as well as many other state governors, is well aware of the statistics and other information regarding castration, but she turns a deaf ear to my pleas. In doing so, she turns a deaf ear to the children who are my future victims. Criminals who want to be rehabilitated are rare, so it is inconceivable to me that those who volunteer to be castrated are denied this treatment.

I do not write as a scared or worried parent. I have--thankfully--no children at all. I am scared for your children. When they have nightmares, let them be about the ghouls they see in horror movies or on the Saturday morning cartoons. They shouldn't have to have nightmares about me.

My next parole date is June 1995.

Larry Don McQuay is prisoner #547825 in the Coffield Unit Penitentiary in Tennessee Colony, Texas. He is serving eight years sentence for child molestation.