The art of being concise - how others will appreciate you!

Some differences in speaking styles seem to be innate. According to Carl Jung, extroverts get their energy from people, events, and activities outside themselves. Introverts get energy from getting quiet, being alone, going within, and having an internal dialogue with themselves.

Extroverts talk to figure out what they think about an issue. Introverts need some uninterrupted quiet time to assess their position on a topic. Extroverts are never at a loss for words, even if they lack meaning and substance. Introverts are often quiet even if they have memorable, valuable thoughts. It's hard to get extroverts to take turns talking because they work ideas out when they hear themselves speaking them aloud. Sometimes it's hard to get introverts to talk at all, to fight for air time. They get fatigued and even confused by the constant chatter of the extroverts. Extroverts cannot imagine being in a situation where they have nothing to say. Introverts worry that they won't have just the right words.

No matter what your natural tendencies, in the workplace you should strive to make your point in as few words as possible. Co-workers are busy and have their own tasks waiting for them. Don't tie them up a long time by making your requests and comments wordy.

Don't repeat your message unnecessarily. If you repeat your words as soon as you have finished saying them the first time, listeners may think that you are not sure of yourself, that you haven't made up your mind yet, or that you are not confident about the first rendition. Every time you restate your case, you weaken your position. However, repeating a point later in the conversation if you meet resistance or you think someone did not understand is all right.

When you ask someone to do something, make your request, perhaps give one or two reasons, and then be quiet. A pause can be a welcome relief in a conversation. The listener has a chance to gather his or her thoughts and respond. "The art of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have made a request."[1] "People often confuse assertiveness with aggression. Aggression is assertiveness without regard for the needs of the other person. Assertiveness says: |Here's my position ... what's yours?' Aggression is: Here's my position ... take it or leave it."[2]

Don't repeat filler words such as "ah," "you know," and "like." People hear the sing-song melody of repeated words and stop listening to the heart of your message. If you tend to do this, write out what you plan to say well before you get into an important conversation. Also, don't join all your thoughts together by adding an and at the end of each one. Listeners feel they have been caught and are going to be kept indefinitely because no thought has an ending; it is just connected to the next one by another "and."

Excessive talking is often an issue of control. There are lots of variations on the theme of control. You can keep people in your presence and not be lonely. You can dominate them and not let them talk. If you keep talking, the listener can't talk and tell you what to do. You like all the attention to be on you and no one else. You can show that the listener is less important than you are because he or she is the one who has to do the listening. Redfield says "Each of us seeks to find some way to control and thus to remain on top in the encounter ... not just because of some tangible goal in the outside world we're trying to achieve, but because of a lift we get psychologically .... When we control another human begin we receive their energy."[3]

When talking to someone, watch for clues that they are listening, understanding, interested. If their eyes are glazed or they make faint, far-off sounding "uh huh's," realize that they are not listening and stop talking. You'll train people to tune you out if you don't pick up on these behaviors. If you have a history of going on and on, people will always be thinking about how to get away from you. I know one person who never approaches a co-worker without an escape plan in mind.

Not only be sure that they are listening, but also give them information that will make them perk up and pay more attention. "Make sure the listener's radio is on. Get your listener's attention. Find out what frequency he's tuned to and transmit on that frequency. If he's interested in facts and figures and you're giving him emotional high drama, you're transmitting on the wrong frequency."[4]

If you're telling a story, stick to the main point. Don't add subjective clauses that go in different directions from the main point.

Social Example

Say-"Mary attended the funeral and cried profusely." Don't say-"Mary, who is Aunt Jane's favorite from New Orleans, where Uncle John drank himself to death because he was a no account bum from a low-rent family, attended the funeral and cried profusely, when she should have known her Daddy was in heaven now anyway."

Work Example

Say-"We need to join with some of the other groups in town to be ready for the health care reforms that are coming out of Washington."

Don't say-"We need to join with the group down the street, which is joining with three other groups because everyone is crawling into bed with someone to try to be prepared for whatever comes out of Washington, since we're going to be left out in the cold if we don't do something quickly, and we will never get the managed care contract from the big companies in town if we don't join with someone quickly."

What can you do if you talk too much?

Write out important conversations ahead of time. If you've ever been told you're a rambler, consider the possibility that it might be true. There are probably lots of people who are not telling you. Write out conversations ahead of time so you can get focused and be short and to the point. People who talk on and on often are confused in their thinking and trying to figure out aloud where they stand on an issue. Most listeners will not give you this kind of grace time. Your mother might, but your co-workers probably won't. People will respond better if you have written down all your thoughts and picked the salient points to tell them. Writing not only helps you obtain clarity and conciseness, but often also gives you valuable insight and serves as a rehearsal for the actual conversation.

What to do if they won't stop talking.

If I haven't convinced long-winded speakers to do less talking, here are some coping mechanisms for exhausted listeners.

People who talk loud and long in a meeting probably will not give it up of their own free will. "Some people get inflated when in a group. They feel the power of an idea and express it; then, because the burst of energy feels so good, they keep on talking, long after the energy should have shifted to someone else. They try to monopolize the group."[5] They probably won't change unless confronted, so it behooves the meeting facilitator or some member of the team to take control and wrestle speaking floor time away from the person.

When someone talks too long or gets off the main topic, say, "That's a good and important point and we will pick up on it at the next meeting." If someone attacks another member of the group, you could say, "That criticism doesn't seem helpful. Do you have a specific suggestion for how the situation can be improved?" When extroverts dominate, they cause others to not want to come to the next meeting or to mentally drop out of the one they are in.

If co-workers regularly catch you in the hallway and monopolize your time, have an escape plan prepared. Give the amount of time you can stand and then say: "I have a meeting." "Patients are waiting." "Susan expects me home for dinner."

If you are with a patient who won't stop the chatter, let him or her talk for one or two or five minutes, whichever your system or comfort level will allow, and then say, "I need to ask you some questions to find out how to help you. I'm going to ask the first question and when you've given me enough information on that one, I'm going to stop you and ask the next question." If you tell people exactly what you are going to do, that you will be interrupting them, they respond better, feel less rushed or manipulated.

A final thought to consider: If we project energy toward people by listening to them rather than by trying to steal their energy by dominating a conversation, we will fill up again with the Universal source of energy, of which there is an unlimited supply.[6]

Hay Group to Be ACPE Partner for Compensation Survey

The College is pleased to announce that, starting this year we will cooperate with the Hay Group to produce the "Medical Management Compensation Survey." This survey, last conducted in 1992, covers executive, governance, and department/division medical management positions in hospitals, group practices, managed care organizations, academic health centers, and insurance companies.

Hay, a broad-based human resources and organizational consulting firm serving the U.S. health care industry, maintains a set of health care compensation and organizational databases. Among the other survery reports published by Hay each year are the Physicians' Total Compensation Survey, covering 51 medical specialties with data for more than 26,000 physicians; the Hay Hospital Survey, a covering 87 management, nursing, and allied health positions in more than 1,200 U.S. hospitals; the Health Care Management Company Total Compensation Survey, covering executive compensation for 41 corporate/regional and 17 hospital positions in more than 100 major health care systems; and the Managed Care Compensation Survey, covering 88 positions in more than 90 managed care organizations.

Within the next month, all ACPE members will receive a survey questionnaire to complete. Members who submit a completed questionnaire by the requested deadline will receive the complete results of the survey, with value-added analysis and commentary from the Hay Group, at no cost. Survey participants will also be entitled to access certain other Hay Group health care databases at a discount. More information on the benefits of survey participation are being developed and will be available soon. Members who choose not to participate in the survey will have to wait for a general summary of the survey results in a future issue of Physician Executive.

With strong participation from ACPE members, the ACE/Hay survey will be the best and most comprehensive survey available yet on member compensation, so please take the few minutes needed to complete the questionnaire.

References

[1.] Gray, J. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992, p. 266. [2.] Alessandra, T., and Hunsaker, P. Communicating at Work. New York, N.Y.: Simon and Schuster, 1993, p. 99. [3.] Redfield, J. The Celestine Prophecy. New York, N.Y.: Warner Books, 1993, pp. 71-5. [4.] Alessandra, T., and Hunsaker, P. , op. cit., p. 18. [5.] Gray, J., op. cit., p. 215. [6.] Ibid., p. 226.

Barbara J. Linney, MA, is Director of Career Development, American College of Physician Executives, Tampa, Fla.