The aging of innocence: the author of Sissyphobia returns with an anecdotal and informative book on how gay men handle the travails of age whether--17 or 70.

Reeling in the Years: Gay Men's Perspectives on Age and Ageism * Tim Bergling * Harrington Park Press * $39.95 (hardcover); $24.95 (softcover)

Tim Bergling loves listening to gay men complain. Or confess, or confide, or otherwise share their inevitably contrary opinions. In Reeling in thee Years the author gives dozens of gay men, from age 17 to 78, a chance to talk about aging, generation gaps, intergenerational relationships, and, well, 'hair (losing it, shaving it, coloring it).

Bergling, the author of Sissyphobia, prefers playing conduit to gay men's kvetching to playing commentator. Early on, he simply steps back and lets a crowd of opinionated guys describe how annoying older and younger gay men find one another, how and why gay men battle the physical effects of aging, and what travails gay youths face in the 21st century.

Reading Reeling is like overhearing bits and pieces of hundreds of conversations. (I was reminded of one such snippet that came my way via a 40-something muscleman at a West Hollywood Quizno's: "At my age I can only wear Abercrombie below the waist," he told his slightly younger companion.) Gay men of every age will see themselves reflected in Bergling's book, which is, I imagine, exactly what the author intended.

The downside is that you never learn enough about who's talking to be able to understand how their comments emerge from the fabric of their lives, and the lack of consensus on each topic is frustrating. Overly cautious not to sound "preachy or scolding," Bergling refuses to takes sides and time and again piles on quotes that seem to suggest one trend of thought only to turn around and trot out a bunch of conflicting tidbits. Then he moves on.

A chapter titled "The Myths of Time," for example, attempts to debunk conventional gay wisdom about the Internet, chicken hawks, and youthcentric gay culture and instead columns every stereotype. When he coaxes out an illuminating observation--for example, younger gay men may think all older guys just want sex because the only mature men they meet are the ones out cruising for club kids--it's often buried and hurried past.

Bergling finally lets slip a glimpse of his own complicated perspective in the best chapter, "Bridging the Gap," about gay men who have bonded as friends or lovers across generations. His most recent long-term relationship was with a man 22 years younger, and that experience gives this chapter an exciting immediacy and earnestness. It also may explain why the interview subjects here get more space, giving their thoughts greater dimension and weight.

The rest of the book follows that chapter's lead and becomes less a patchwork of contradictions and more a series of engaging stories, particularly an extended Q&A with a 73 year-old widower about his 40-year gay partnership. The author shares more of his life and ends with a deeply personal afterword that's his best writing by far. No fair skipping ahead, though: As with any good tale, the finale builds on all that has come before it.

Other than some "Why can't we all get along?" cajoling, Bergling never attempts to direct readers' thinking or offer firm conclusions about age and ageism. That's something of a disappointment from a writer who is so clearheaded and has done so much impressive reporting. Yet the countless voices in the book are likely to lead you to your own understanding of which gay men can best handle being young, growing old, and crossing the lines between the two. It's a lesson we've learned many times before: Gay men who are happy with themselves are more graceful at any age. And a venomous twink is likely to grow up to be a nasty old man. In that sense, "to each his own" is good advice.