The Shins.

A COUPLE YEARS AGO the word was out about this certain "must see" band coming through town. The band was, essentially, The Shins. They had an upcoming show in LA, so Elissa Steamer and crew (myself included) went to the Troubadour to check them out; however, once Elissa started buying everyone drinks, we easily forgot why we were there. To make a long story short, we missed the band and spent the entire night in the bar. Sorry guys. Fast forward to CMJ, New York City, 2003. I was outside Max Fish when I met Jesse Sandoval, who claimed he was in this band named The Shins. "Dude!" I freaked out. "I tried to go see you play a couple years ago. Can you put me on the list?" Two days later I finally stood in the audience watching them perform, and agreeably realized what all the fuss was about. When they came through San Francisco after that I made sure to see them again, frustrated that I'd missed out on two years of enjoying their music. This time I got a chance to snag Jesse and exchange some bad drummer jokes. Above left to right: Marty Crandall--keyboards, Dave Hernandez--bass, James Mercer--guitar, vocals, Jessie Sandoval--drums

You said that you had a joke for me.

What has three legs and an asshole on top?

I don't know.

"A drum stool." This is the only other one that I know: What are a drummer's famous last words? "Let's play one of my songs."

Why?

Because the drummer just can't say that. Here's another one: What do you call someone hanging out with a bunch of gifted musicians?

The drummer ... That's just so mean. I've heard that drummers are the hardest ones to come by.

That's what people say but then ... Yeah, nobody wants to lug around a drum set. They all want to play guitar.

So, what made you decide that you wanted to play the drums? Did you play another instrument first?

No, I don't know what attracted me to the drums. Just ever since I was a kid I used to pull up this metal crate in my room and put on albums and air-drum to them.

Why are drum machines better than drummers?

Why?

They can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

That is so true. I almost got replaced with a drum machine.

Really?

Yep. I was sleeping with everybody's girlfriend. That's what I do--I go across the nation and impregnate women.

I couldn't really see The Shins with a drum machine.

Nor could I.

Even though they probably could ...

Hey, I caught that. I don't appreciate that. But we were getting tired of carrying the drum set around. They would joke around about getting a drum machine or having me play electronic drums. They were trying to oust me, but I fought them back.

How long have you been together? When did the band form?

When I was about 18 I met James, the singer. Marry and I went to high school together and I met James and our former bass player, Neal, who worked on the first album and was in The Shins the first three years. We met in high school and were in a band together called Flake Music for eight years. But then there was a band in Seattle called Flake as well and they threatened us with a lawsuit.

'Cause you were better than they were?

Yeah, and our record came out first. But we never really liked Flake ...

Because you were better than them!

Yeah. We were Flake Music for about eight or nine years and the--Neal flies Hot Air Balloons, so he got a job traveling across the country with a corporate balloon. He was on the road all the time, but James still wanted to make music and started coming up with songs. We put them on a four-track and started working as a two-piece. We realized that we wanted to expand to a fuller sound on stage so we asked Dave to play bass. Then we realized that we wanted keys, so we asked Marry to play keyboards.

What I've learned from searching the Internet for drummer jokes is that people think that you're stupid and replaceable.

... But have lots of sex with women.

Just other people's girlfriends.

Just their girlfriends and their mothers.

I've talked to drummers, and I didn't realize that they were really so stupid. You're stupid and replaceable. How does it feel being perceived as the stupidest, most disposable member of a band that's blowing up right now?

It makes me cry at night and I feel insecure and I need a hug all the time. I don't like it. I want to be---I want to feel needed and loved.

Ever thought of asking them if you can move the drums closer to the front and Marty can stand behind you with the keyboards?

Yeah, that's when they give me the pink slip. That's when they're like "No, we're not giving you a microphone. We're not moving you forward."

Have you ever asked them?

No, because I'm shy and I like to hide behind my drums.

Not Marty, he's just right there smack dab in the center.

Yeah, he loves it. It's funny because our old press photo, I'm in front, and traditionally they have the lead singer in front and the drummer's in back. We were on this tour with the Red House Painters. He sees our press photo and he's on our label--he walks up to me and says, "I want you to know that I really like your voice and I think you're a good singer. And I was like "Thanks." He heard my voice and he looked at me weird ... "Are you the singer?" And I said in a singing voice, "I'm not the singer, but I try." He turned the other way and didn't talk to me the rest of the term My speculation is that it was because I wasn't the singer ... maybe because I'm the drummer.

How long after you formed did you get on Sub Pop?

A little over two years ... Flake Music broke up and so then there was a weird period where when Neil would come back to town we'd be Flake Music, and then we'd be the Shins. Modest Mouse asked us to go on tour but we didn't know which band they were asking, so we decided to go as Shins/Flake/Music/Summersault. So we played three or four shows where we'd have instrument switches where Marty was the front man and he'd have his songs, and Neal went to guitar and James went to bass and I stayed on drums. Then for the Shins, James went to guitar, Neal went to bass, and Marty went to guitar or keyboards.

And what did you do?

Stayed on drums. It takes a great mind to stick with one instrument.

What does a drummer use for contraception?

Ahhh! Nothing?

His personality.

That's a good one. I am going to definitely use that.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain cell?

What?

Gifted. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four.

Why four?

I don't know. Am I right?

No, dude. Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, puts the bulb in the socket, and screws it in for him. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

Twenty. One to hold it in, and 19 to drink enough until the room spins. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

Why?

Because, we're not smart enough to change a light bulb?

Wow, you almost got it. The answer is: "They have a machine to do that now."

Ouch, another drum machine one.

Did you hear the one about the drummer who finished high school?

No.

Me neither!