The Red Dragons East Coast Invasion Tour: the agenda could not be more clear, as it was written on tour shirts: "we've come to kill your spots, beat down your security guards, and smash your shit.".

AND AS LUCK would have it, these items were just the forethought of the Red Dragons' 2004 Canada East Coast Invasion Tour; the reality would be much more fractious.

The purpose of the trip was a two-week tour of Eastern Canada with cities including Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. A few demos and shop signings aside, the mission was to gather photos and footage for an upcoming RDS video. What follows is the abridged synopsis ...

THE POSSE CONSISTED OF A FEW OF THE "YOUNGER" DRAGONS, ALONG WITH SOME OF THE VETERANS:

MOSES ITKONEN

Moses had many purposes on this trip. Not only was he the team manager, responsible for all the tedious arrangements, but he was also responsible for the RDS security. Definitely living up to the reputation flora previous RDS vids, Moses shielded off any and all forms of authority that attempted to cut our sessions short. He also came through skating-wise, riding the tough, hard-to-skate spots and taking care of business while doing it all.

SEAN HAYES

Super laid beck guy, which lead me to underestimate his motivation. We would be coming back from a 10-hour skate, everyone looking super fired and dead--including Sean--but he would be one of the few who would venture out to the bars with me every night, regardless of what happened in the day. His motivation didn't end there, either. After taking one of the worst sacks ever, he was right back on his feet trying it again.

AARON JOHNSON

Though AJ and I had a few "ideological" disagreements, I could tell his passion for was self-perpetuating. Non-stop skating, always rolling around finding something unique to skate, AJ was always on the look out. He's also not afraid to throw some flat-ground grabs in the mix. (AJ, we still need to shoot a "Canadian Bacon!")

MIKE HASTIE

Hastie is a good friend of mine, and his seemingly endless interest in FSU (Fucking Shit Up) always impresses me. This trip was a little different though; Hastie seemed to be taking a break of something, since he did smash only one thing (that I am aware of). Overall, Hastie is 100-percent skater. He skates everyday, an day.

GAILEA MOMOLU

The hubba crusher. No warm up required; first day, first thing he was jumping down the Toronto hubba switch. Just as he was laying down the law (about trick number 4-5) his session was cut short by some equipment failure.

PAUL MACHNAU

A machine. No other way to describe the man whose trick average is 3-4 per day. In fact, the only time he seems to stress is when he hasn't skated enough. His shit is so on point, I guess he's just running with it.

TED DEGROS

Ted was on his own schedule this trip. He was up and ready to skate before some of us went to sleep. He was an enigma to me. He would be trying something that looked super sick, and then for no apparent reason he would just sit down, "over it." But when he did pull through with a trick, it was a paragon. I don't think it's ah exaggeration to say that he does have the best style.

CURT THE FILMER

This is where I give Curt the Filmer props for offering to get out of my shots. I only wish more filmers could be like him. Thanks, Curt.

ME (NICK THE PHOTOGRAPHER)

I was the only American on this trip, so in order to fit in I took to some Canadian customs, like pronouncing about "aboot", adding "eh" to the end of every sentence, and constantly discussing hockey. This is where I say thanks to everyone for dealing with two weeks of my Canadian jokes.

WE SPENT THE FIRST portion of the trip in the greater Toronto area. The place is great, and has lots of new spots to offer. Not only is downtown a Mecca for street skating, but also the ever-growing suburbs always present new terrain. The highlight of this town would be our induction into the world of mustard. One day, this moron guy would not let Paul's van in behind Moses'. We eventually started throwing whatever we could at the guy. That's when Moses had the brilliant idea to stop and buy mustard from the local convenience store. He purchased the mustard with the pressurized cap dispensers; this was for optimum trajectory and accuracy of mustard displacement. For the test of the day we drove around and hoped that someone would cut us off, so we could properly adorn their vehicle with condiments. Unfortunately for us, no one gave us a reason to blast them, at least not for a few days.

THE FOUR-HOUR DRIVE to Ottawa would be the first time we went into battle. As we sped along a remote highway, someone finally cut us off Moses (who was in the van in front of us) demanded some swift adjudication, and he went into kill mode. He slowed down and swerved at the guy, then, with great triumph and skill, he blasted the poor fool with 12 ounces of stank mustard. I'm sure this not only made the guy's car smell great, but it probably did wonders for his paint job.

ONCE WE GOT to Ottawa, it felt like being in Europe. There are all these old parliamentary buildings (since Ottawa is Canada's capitol) that looked very primitive. Though Ottawa has a ton of great spots, we didn't seem to come away with any photos from there.

On an unrelated subject, I think that it must be noted that Ottawa is a great party town. This guy Glenn who owns the local shop hooked us up, taking us out to all the exclusive clubs with VIP status. If you're ever in Ottawa, check the night-life.

AFTER AN ABRUPT three day stay in Ottawa, it was on to Montreal, the land of the infamous French Canadians. Though I did have some very wild suppositions of what French Canada would be like, I guess I wasn't too far off. French Canada, as French Canadians proclaim, is much different than most other parts of Canada. Not only did the French Canadians adopt the language from France, but the majority I met adopted the attitude as well. All this, in collusion with the crowded, malodorous city made for a very stressful environment; fortunately, we had ample amounts of mustard. Even more fortunately, we had an even more ample amount of targets. Days were spent skating all around downtown. Definitely some great spots, though most were not photo spots. Highlights of Montreal include: having French security guards yelling at us (in French) while we laughed in their faces about their language, skating the arena spots, and listening to Hastie scream while he was in "perv row."

Do to any possible legal proceedings, this is where the reporting stops.