The Orphans.

THE EQUATION IS AS SIMPLE AS IT GETS, yet the payoff is rarely this good. Take four people who like to have fun and who want to play in a band for all the right reasons. They're not looking to get popular. They're not looking for a slot in some jerkoff tour. It's all about playing straight-ahead punk rock to carve away, push back, and sweat away all that boredom. They mix the most potent strains of the early LA Dangerhouse singles, yet somehow spit it back out like it's never been done before. Consider the Eyes (Take a Quaalude Now), Weirdos (We've Got the Neutron Bomb), and The Alley Cats (Nothing Means Nothing Anymore)--there's no pre-packaging to jam into a marketing slot, just bruises, backyard parties, lipstick smears, and raw strips of songs that virtually spurt blood that you'll want to play again and again. Hunt out their singles. Then seek out and remain alert during their 15-minute sets. Brandon: Drums, Dan: Guitar, Wade: Bass, vocals, Jenny: Vocals--Retodd

Wade, is it true that you had eaten barbecue, were throwing up over people, had a broken arm, and it was gushing blood, all while you were playing?

Wade: Actually, it was a broken elbow, but everything else was pretty true. I put every ounce of energy into when I play. Basically, that's why we have such a short set 'cause all of us put so much into what we do. We had eaten. We'd just got there. I went to a place right next door that served barbecue food. I just ate really fast and then we had to play. There were a lot of crusty kids in there so it already stunk. Between that and me jumping around and cutting my hand open, it all kind of hit me at once. Throwing up, it's not very hard. Any idiot can throw up on stage. The fact that I threw up on people might be a little better. We actually pulled off a rad show with all that stuff. We actually got a good response in San Francisco. That's always a good place for people to like you. They have so many good bands coming out of San Francisco--to be somewhat cool out there is okay and hard. We just played a straight set with the Deadly Weapons and we got the best response just from that. We didn't even have to go to breaking stuff and throwing up to be good. Our songs spoke for themselves.

Jenny: We don't do any of that stuff to spice up the set. It just happens. It's not like it's planned.

Wade: Trust me, if I could have kept the barbecue down, I'd be way more happy, I paid 15 bucks for a dinner.

Jenny: It's not like were breaking stuff, puking, and bleeding to get people to come to our show. It just happens to us for some reason.

Jenny, how did you get the last name Quitter?

Jenny: I used to be a DJ at KXLU. When I first started working there I had a show for about a month. Then I quit and they started this rumor that I quit because I was going to dental assisting school. One of the DJs named me DJ Quitter. When I came back I kept it.

Where'd the name The Orphans come from?

Wade: We're all into The Warriors. Everyone wants to be the cool gang in The Warriors, but if you look at The Orphans they were the dirtiest ones. We just got the name from that. I've always liked names that are "The" something.

What keeps the band from falling to shit?

Jenny: Brandon is the heart of The Orphans.

Why do you say that?

Jenny: He's a great drummer.

Wade: Without a good drummer you're shit. It sounds like crap. We've been able to pull off bad shows. His drumming saves it. Jenny's Mariah Carey vocals don't always work.

Jenny: When you come from a metal background you're usually a good musician.

Brandon and Dan, do you think you two are the control group when the band plays?

Wade: We don't have that in the band. That's why we like it so much. We played with bands where they're not letting their guitar player drink or do drugs before a show. Everyone here, we go out and have fun. If I told him he couldn't drink before a show, or they told me that, I'd quit. As long as we're doing our thing, that's what's rad. There's no control people in this band at all.

Wade, what aesthetic considerations do you put into your bass cabinet's art?

Jenny: He's talking about the porn.

Wade: He's using those big words. I didn't know what he was saying. I did it to start off so people would help me bring my shit in, 'cause I don't have wheels. So you get some big meathead that's there to drink, looks at some chick's tits: "Yeah, I'll take it in." I'm all, "Go set it over there." Now, it's something to look at. It hasn't fallen off. It gives Brandon something to look at in between songs.

Jenny: It's been the same porn for three years.

Wade: It used to be animal porn and ladies over 50. Nobody ever helped me bring that shit in, plus we were practicing at his mom's house and his mom would come in. His mom was cool about it, too. So, now it's huge cocks in girls' mouths.

Jenny: The most shit we've gotten for it was Tribe 8. They weren't too happy about it.

Wade: I had to cover it with a see-though leopard print blanket when we played that all-ages place in Phoenix. It made it even more exotic.

Jenny: Tribe 8 and Mason Jar have disapproved of his porn, everyone else just loved it.

Look to the band member on your right and say what their biggest quirk is.

Jenny: Wade is obsessed with body hair.

Wade: Great. Goddamnit.

Jenny: Don't you want it to be something good?

Wade: I didn't want it to be something shitty.

Jenny: That's not shitty Do you want me to say, "Wade has a huge package?"

Wade: Yes. OK--I shave, I Nair, I wax. Fuck it, I don't care. That works. I guess Brandon's is he has an obsession with Rocket From the Crypt. He'll miss anything, like a night of drinking, to go to a Rocket From the Crypt show. I'm not too into them so I don't understand it.

Brandon: Dan does everything methodically. He has a routine for everything he does and he does everything every time. The way he eats--he eats all of his french fries, then he goes to his burgers, The way he sets up his drums.

Dan: I will say that Jenny is almost too sweet, like a Twinkle with a strawberry in the middle.

Jenny: My mom loves Wade to death, but that's not tough.

Do any of you skate?

Wade: A lot. Me and Dan go out to the Bellflower pool--that's how I broke my elbow and my shoulder, skating a pool. Just got hung up at the top. Don't wear pads. Dislocated my shoulder at Brea skatepark; got way too drunk and started doing the rails. All of us got into skating through Thrasher. I remember looking at the ads. You could buy the Germs shirts, the GBH shirts. It used to be way more punk rock than it is now. The whole hip-hop thing took over skating I wish that would come back, "cause all these new skaters who think they're punk rock are a tucking joke. A lot of them were Tom Penny lookalikes. Now they've got a Ramones album, they wear a leather jacket, they go skating. They shoot up heroin so they can say they're going to come off of it. Pretty pathetic. That's what dropped me out of the scene. We still skate but I used to really be involved in contests and tradeshows. Fucking idiots that were wearing the visors and the warm-up pants, now they're rocking tight jeans and trying to look like Johnny Thunders. There's so much more to the music than wanting to look like Keith Richards. You've got to actually listen to them. I was in a couple Thrasher videos, just breaking bottles on my head. Breathing fire. Skating a lot. My brother skates; he's pro. Thrasher's--besides Anti Hero and Consolidated one--of the last real punk rock things in skateboarding, Hopefully it will stay like that.

Jenny: I don't skateboard, but I rollerskate like a motherfucker.