The Long View.

Headlines from the Future(tm)

Special Wartime Lead Edition!

From the Baghdad Intelligencer, March 27, 2003:

GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR IRAQI PEOPLE! COUNTRY REJOICES!

From the deserts of Tikrit to the outskirts of Basra, all Iraq rejoices in the victory of our Beloved Leader, Saddam Hussein, who continues to repel the brutal invasion by the United States! "This is all a part of his master plan," a senior Ba'ath party official said, in reference to the occupation of Baghdad by American and British troops. "Trust me," he continued, "our Leader has something up his sleeve. Right now, he's hatching something really brilliant, I just know it." Highly placed government sources who have recently met with our Great Leader report that he is "relaxed" and "at peace" and that he is lying very still on his back and hasn't moved for days. "It's some kind of yoga thing," a close presidential adviser told the Baghdad Intelligencer, "but he does seem to be getting awfully stiff, and there is a certain smell in the room that's . . ." The adviser's remarks were cut short by his strangulation. Still, even as the Iraqi people seem to be welcoming the invaders . . .

From the New York Times, March 27, 2003:

AS AIR CAMPAIGN BEGINS, THREAT OF QUAGMIRE LOOMS -- 'IS THIS ANOTHER VIETNAM?' EXPERTS ASK

Dawn rises slowly in the desert. The sun's pink glow begins early here, and it seems to stall in the sky, as if caught in a quagmire, amid shimmering heat waves and the call of the muezzin. "Best time to fly," affirms Lt. Col. John H. Prescott, an Air Force bomber pilot going through his post-Vietnam-era pre-flight checklist one final time.

It's a long list -- almost 60 items in all, a veritable quagmire of checks and double-checks -- and as he methodically works his way through it, "Scotty" Prescott, as he's known to his tightly knit, all- male team of fellow pilots, takes his time. "Gotta do the job right and take all the time you need," he mutters to himself, seemingly contradicting the so-called "hawks" in the Bush administration, who refused to allow U.N.-backed inspectors the extra time they needed.

The war is only 36 hours old, but it's already clear to some here in the remote desert air base, and to many back home, that a protracted, Vietnam-style quagmire is taking shape. With restrictions on media coverage, protests by Hollywood celebrities back home, and the condemnation of nations like France and China, the echoes of a troubled era resound in the desert air, as America's ghosts come out again to haunt the likes of Lt. Col. Prescott. "Get the f -- away from my f -- -- g plane, okay?" he playfully shouts to an inquiring reporter. As he climbs into his multi-million-dollar aircraft (each one roughly the annual cost of an inner-city after-school arts and music enrichment program), he expresses complete confidence in his abilities and his mission.

Still, it takes almost three minutes for the fueling to be completed, and then another 45 seconds for takeoff clearance, bringing to mind the fits and starts and the organizational chaos of the Vietnam-era quagmire that many experts say American forces are now entering, in a war that has dragged on without result for almost 40 long hours. "It's a terrible quagmire," Senate minority leader Tom Daschle said when asked at a "We Support Our Doomed, Misled Troops" rally . . .

From Le Monde, April 7, 2003:

VINDICATION FOR FRANCE -- BIOLOGICAL, CHEMICAL, AND NUCLEAR WEAPONS FOUND IN IRAQ

In a complete vindication for the French position on the American-led war on Iraq, a cache of chemical and biological weapons were found in several locations by the invading Anglo-American forces. "Of course they were found," remarked President Chirac today at a lunch-time press meeting. "They were there all along, as we have said for years." When asked to explain his previous refusal to support the war, Chirac responded by reminding reporters that it was lunch time . . .

From the New York Times, March 11, 2004:

AS FIRST ELECTION NEARS, SOME IRAQIS ASK: WHAT ABOUT WOMEN, KURDS?

Iraqis go to the polls today, in the first multi-party election in almost 30 years. Yet the slate of candidates, from local offices to national parliamentary posts, reflects an overwhelmingly male, non-Kurd set of choices, leading some experts to wonder how democratic the American-backed democracy really is. Critics of the Bush administration have suggested that, in its rush to impose a system of government on Iraq, the administration has neglected to seek out other voices and other candidates that truly reflect the diversity of modern Iraq. "Who are these people?" asks Fatima Waq'sal, chair of the Iraqi Women's Committee, contemplating the current slate of candidates. "Where are the women? Where are the gay Kurds?" Indeed, as health-care costs have soared in this once well-ordered and crime-free country . . .