The Long View.

Coming soon to an AM talk station near you:

host: "Hi, you're on with Evan Henderson-Kramer, Ph.D. The Liberal Voice of AM radio. Your voice is being heard and celebrated. What's your topic?"

caller #1: "Hello? Am I on?"

host: "You're on the air, sir."

caller #1: "Sir? Why the instant reverse patriarchy?"

host: "I'm sorry."

caller #1: "Sorry? Sorry? I'm marginalized and you're sorry? How dare you!"

host: "Um . . . do you have a topic?"

caller #1: "Shame on you! Shame! Shame!"

host: "Sir, we have a lot of calls lined up . . ."

caller #1: "I'm being silenced? I'm being censored? This is liberal talk radio? It might as well be Limbaugh, for all the reflexive crypto-patriarchist economic terrorism I keep hearing from you. Calls lined up! Calls lined up! What are you, some tool of big media? Rupert Murdoch's lapdog? Shame! Shame!"

host: "Sir . . ."

caller #1: "It's ma'am, actually."

host: "Oh. Sorry. I guess it was the deep voice and the -- "

caller #1: "I don't have to take this."

host: "Hi, you're on with Evan Henderson-Kramer, Ph.D. The Liberal Voice of AM radio. Your voice is being heard and celebrated. What's your topic?"

caller #2: "Hi, Dr. Henderson-Kramer. I want to add my voice to the growing chorus of voices now emerging. As a Christian, I must say that I am deeply troubled and concerned by the so-called Christian Right and their erroneous and limited interpretation of the Christian Scripture that I hold sacred."

host: "That's a great topic, caller, and I want to get into it after this short commercial break. We have to make a little money here, I'm sure you understand."

caller #2: "Excuse me? You're 'sure' I'll understand? Meaning what?"

host: "Um . . . just that I'm sure you understand that this is commercial radio and -- "

caller #2: "So according to you, it's obvious that I'm all about money. Is that an anti-Semitic comment?"

host: "But you're not Jewish."

caller #2: "Is that an anti-Semitic comment?"

host: "No, I just -- "

caller #2: "My God! The first caller was right! This isn't liberal talk radio! This is the same narrow hate-filled nonsense we hear on Fox! You're a bigot! A bigot and a homophobe!"

host: "I'm sorry. Really. I didn't even know that you were gay."

caller #2: "I have to be gay for you to treat me homophobically? So closed-minded! So insensitive! For your information -- not that it's relevant to my views, by the way -- but for your information I am not gay. I am just extremely, extremely effeminate. Which allows me to experience homophobia from the perspective of the heterosexual victim."

host: "You're a heterosexual victim of homophobia?"

caller #2: "Yes. Because I'm so effeminate. My delicate features and porcelain skin and refined dedication to the arts have often made me the object of homophobic attacks."

host: "That's very interesting. I'd like to discuss this some more after the break."

caller #2: "Forget it, girlfriend. Talk to the hand."

host: "Hi, you're on with Evan Henderson-Kramer, Ph.D. The Liberal Voice of AM radio. Your voice is being heard and celebrated. What's your topic?"

caller #3: "Hi. I just want to discuss why the so-called Bush so- called administration is willing to break international law by invading Iraq. And I just want to add my voice to the roar of other voices denouncing American imperialist militarism under any circumstances. Peace is the answer. Thank you."

host: "Powerful words, caller."

caller #3: "Well, I feel strongly about this."

host: "Good for you."

caller #3: "Also, shouldn't we be going after North Korea first?"

host: "Um . . . well, if you're against American militarism -- "

caller #3: "Yeah, but those guys are crazy. I say take 'em out!"

host: "Hi, you're on with Evan Henderson-Kramer, Ph.D. The Liberal Voice of AM radio. Your voice is being heard and celebrated. What's your topic?"

caller #4: "My topic is this: If the so-called Bush so-called administration was really interested in quote-unquote fighting a so- called war on quote terrorism unquote, then wouldn't the first place they'd look to create the illusion of pseudo-waging a phony so-called war be the inaccurately named Korean non-peninsula?"

host: "Not following you."

caller #4: "That's because you're not thinking critically about the image-laden manipulations that the dominant for-profit media are presenting under the pseudo false guise of so-called fake news, which is actually a reverse-principle in action, as we saw in Florida during the inaccurately named false non-presidential counter-election debacle. And the whole Trent Lott thing. You don't think these things are connected?"

host: "Still not following you."

caller #4: "It's all about oil, man! C'mon! You think the pseudo- hiring and fake un-firing of Paul O'Neill wasn't a disconnect to the whole prevailing hegemony of the quote democratic unquote set of non- principles? Are you naive? Are you living in a cave? The media and the non-Bush non-administration -- which is all it is, as far as I'm concerned -- create a fog of non-dis-pseudo information designed to create a false sense of anti-security as a means to undermine our reverse sense of fake small 'r' republican values. What about that isn't clear?"

host: "Um . . . all of it."

caller #4: "Then let me break it down for you. The Jews are trying to take over the world."

host: "Hi, you're on with Evan Henderson-Kramer, Ph.D. The Liberal Voice of AM radio. Your voice is being heard and celebrated. What's your topic?"