The Birth Story of Madeleine Pauline Cormack.

Editor's note: Instead of putting Michelle's notes in Regional Notes, they are included here, as a preface to her story. This is not simply a birth story, but an example for aspiring labor assistants.

Many wonderful things have happened in my life since my last submission, the most wonderful being the glorious birth of my fifth daughter, Madeleine! I'd like to begin with saying that I truly enjoyed the DONA Conference in August in my hometown of Toronto (well, I live in a suburb, but close enough). One of the best things about it was meeting many of you--Amy Gilliland and Ilana Stein, and seeing Karen Pestlin again. What a thrill! And I even got to give birth symbolically during the "Birth Ball Extravaganza," which was a nice rehearsal for my own birth one month later.

The conference provided not only great networking opportunities, but also some excellent speakers that inspired and informed. Having so many birth doulas assembled in Toronto was a thrill for me because it allowed me to really see what an impact this work has had in my area and to consider how many women are benefiting from this great work. The progress made in the last seven to eight years is remarkable, although sometimes it still seems like we have such a long road ahead of us! I have many philosophies on why that is, but for today, all I will say is that until society changes its essential outlook on so many "accepted" ideals, women will continue to shortchange themselves of potentially the most powerful, life-altering, and spiritual experience of their lives.

This leads me to my own birth on September 17, 1999 of Madeleine Pauline Cormack. I was blessed to have my dear friend, Ellen Newman, attend the birth and write a beautiful and touching birth story for me. She has kindly allowed me to submit it, which is not only a great example of a birth story, but also a wonderful story of her own "birth" as a doula. She wrote the story as a letter to Madeleine, and for your assistance in reading it, you should know who the following people are in the story: Jacqueline, my ten-year-old daughter; Sariah, my six-year-old; Julia, my four-year-old; Tara, my three-year-old; Verina, my good friend; and Shirley Meltzer and Ellen Pemberton, my midwives, and also Ellen's midwives with her previous birth.

I hope you will enjoy the story, especially considering that I find my births to be a very personal matter (one of the reasons I choose to birth at home), so it is not easy for me to share these details with you (since presumably we have never even met)! Madeleine's birth was definitely one of the highlights of my life. She has brought greater joy to my life than I ever thought possible, and I confess to having a strange wish that I could go back and relive her birth again and again. Words cannot express how perfect and beautiful the intensity and power of the experience was, and I will forever be grateful to Ellen for immortalizing Madeleine's birth through writing this letter.

Ellen's Story

My dearest Madeleine,

I have written the story of your birth. I wish it could be the story of everyone's birth--so beautiful, so free, as yours was. Perhaps by the time you are having your own babies, most births will be like yours. I hope I tell it as naturally as it happened--though I know I haven't the words to describe the things I felt at the time.

September 17, 1999 was a glorious fall day. Perfect temperature, azure blue sky, little wispy clouds like feathers along the horizon, and all the splendor of autumn blazing forth. I had gone for a short walk in the woods with the boys in the morning and thought what a wonderful day it would be for you to be born. Around 1:30 that afternoon your mom called me to say she was pretty certain early labor had begun and to be ready as I would likely be needed that day. I got off the phone and squealed and whirled around for about three minutes before I called my husband home to be with the children. I was on pins and needles all day waiting for further updates. It was a very exciting time for me.

A couple of hours later, she called again to say that labor was definitely progressing, and that I would definitely be needed that day, but that she and your dad would be going for a walk. She would call me when they got back.

I guess it was about 4:30 or 5:00 PM when she called again, but this time she was much more distracted in her speech. She had not yet gone for the walk--she and your dad were enjoying a last few hours alone as your sisters were with Verina or Mai (I can't remember which). Again she told me she would call me back. It must have been a glorious walk. Your mom is one of the most beautiful pregnant women I have ever seen. Your dad took some gorgeous pictures of her sitting on the grass, the sun blazing in her hair, as she breathed through some contractions. I hope you get a chance to see them. In the meantime, I picked some flowers from my garden and put them in a vase to bring to your mom.

At around 7:00 PM, your mom called to tell me I could come if I wanted to. She had just called the midwives and they were on their way. She said I could wait until she was assessed, then we could be sure that it was time for me to come, but she knew I was very eager to come over, bless her heart.

I tried not to tear around the house getting ready to go. I discovered as I drove over that I was not only excited, I was anxious as well. After all, this was your mom's sixth birth, she was a very experienced and knowledgeable doula and here I was, not even an official doula with less than half the birth experience. Would I be supportive enough, caring enough, and manage not to annoy her?

At about 7:20, I tiptoed up the front steps, and very, very quietly opened the door. I tiptoed into the kitchen and put some water in the vase. I could hear your mom moaning upstairs, and I made a guess from the sound that you would be born soon. The sound was singing in my heart. Jacqueline came down and I whispered "Hi" and asked where your mom was. She said, "She's in the shower. Why are you whispering?" I found I couldn't speak above a whisper in awe of what was about to happen.

Upstairs, I put the vase on the night table and came into the bathroom to smile at your mom. Your dad was grinning, sitting on the toilet. I so badly wanted to jump in the shower with her. But, she was already far into herself at that point. She looked like a goddess.

The contractions were very close--no more than 2 minutes apart and probably less. With each contraction, your mom would lean against the back wall on her forearms and moan with the pain. It wasn't a fearful, anxious moan, it was a moan of pure power. When the contraction ended, she would sway side to side and spray water on her abdomen, and as she felt the contraction just starting, she would spray the wall prior to leaning against it.

At first, I thought she was cleaning the wall! Later, I found out she was warming it up. Your mom was always one to stress the importance of "ritual, rhythm, and relaxation" in labor and this was her routine. Jacqueline came in and told her she was doing great and kissed her belly.

Things get kind of blurred in my memory from this point, as everything seemed to move quite quickly. Some things I remember out of sequence even though I made notes of the birth itself the next day. I find as I write, some of them don't make sense and may not reconcile with the video or others' accounts.

I remember the midwives arrived about five minutes after I did. Shirley was the first one up the stairs. As she passed by the door of the bathroom, she raised her eyebrow. Ellen came up next and we shared a hug and a knowing glance. (Later, your mom told me she knew all these glances were passing between us, because she knew we knew she was close and it was really bugging her at the time. I was sorry for that, but I also think it is kind of funny.)

I got a crash course from your dad on how to work the cameras--digital, 35-mm, and video. I was undaunted! (Ha, ha.) The midwives were quietly, but very quickly, setting everything up, and during all this activity, Verina, Sariah, Julia, and Tara came upstairs.

Your mom called your sisters in one by one for kisses. She was very emotional. They went into the bedroom next door and started reading. Your mom was starting to get quite uncomfortable and felt she needed to get out of the shower. Shirley checked your heart tones and your mom stood, a little hesitant to move forward. She felt very strong pressure and knew it was the bag of waters. She knew she needed to push them open, but she also knew that was going to hurt.

Jacqueline was with her, and I stood in the bathroom, wanting to touch her, but sensing she was getting to the point that touching would be intrusive. She sat through a couple of contractions on the toilet and then stood up for a couple against the vanity in the bathroom. I leaned against her during a contraction and Jacqueline was there with encouraging words and kisses. Your mom was amazing at working with the contractions, totally relaxing her face and immersing herself in the surges--an awesome thing to watch. Your dad was taking pictures. Then she very emphatically stated, "Don't touch me!" when I placed my hand on her back during a contraction. The excitement was building, as that was a sign that things were progressing even more.

The midwives suggested moving into the bedroom and trying the birth stool for a while. I started to get very busy with the cameras. Your mom decided to try the bed first. Jacqueline was right with her, soothing her, telling her what a great job she was doing, kissing her hand and forehead, getting her water. It was a beautiful thing to see.

Shirley did a vaginal exam and your mom was 8 cm dilated. Shirley asked if she could push a lip of the cervix away during a contraction. The contractions were getting very intense now, and your mom agreed. Your mom shouted for Verina. Tara had fallen asleep. Julia and Sariah were ensconced in little chairs just outside the door in the hallway. They were so excited! I was having trouble handling all the equipment, so your dad set the video camera up on a tripod.

The midwives suggested moving onto the birth stool. Just as your mom moved toward it, she had a big contraction and screamed for back support. I was closest so I jumped in behind her and whoa!--so much power was surging through your mom! I passed the cameras to Verina, but I knew I should not have done that. Your mom did not intend for me to sit behind her as Verina was not good with cameras, and it turned out that the power of your mom's contractions was almost pushing me backward. It was incredible. I could feel the surge of energy within her. After a couple of contractions, Verina and I switched places. I was soaked through with sweat.

Throughout this time in the bedroom, your mom kept commenting on the pressure and how she knew she had to push the membranes open. The midwives kept suggesting different positions--side lying, hands and knees--and each time your mom would say something like "but I have always hated that position in the past" or "that never worked for me."

Michelle asked Shirley to break the water. Shirley did agree to this, and I felt sorry for poor Jacqueline at this point. The hook used to break the water looks quite daunting, and Jacqueline looked very frightened. The midwives were very gentle and explained that it wouldn't hurt.

I can't remember whether it was before or after your mom's waters were broken that she commented on Julia and Sariah in the hallway. I do know that during a very intense contraction when your mom was vocalizing loudly (but beautifully!), I could hear Julia in the hallway saying, "Go, Mommy, go, go, go!" Shortly after this your mom said something like "Every time I come out of a contraction I can see Julia and Sariah smiling at me in the hallway and it's distracting me." Well, before we could say anything, one of them got up and very gently closed the door (although, your Dad opened it again shortly after to allow them in for the actual birth). Wow. I was amazed. Many times that night your dad and I commented how wonderful all of your sisters were.

Verina looked so beautiful and serene as she held your mom during the contractions. As the contractions became more and more intense, your mom became pretty mobile--thrashing her knees about and coming up off the stool. Shirley was especially gentle and understanding in her directions, and your mom said "You know I always have this thing with my legs, Shirley."

The midwives commented the baby would be here soon, and your mom decided to move back on the bed. I was taking a lot of pictures; so quickly, I couldn't click the button fast enough. Just before one of the last contractions, your mom said emphatically "With the next contraction, I don't want anyone telling me what to do!"

You were crowning now, and Jacqueline was right there so she was able to feel your head as it was emerging from your mom. Her face looked so beautiful and full of awe and wonder. Shirley was quietly giving your dad instructions to get ready to catch you. I was trying to maneuver into a good position to catch some good shots of you coming out. All of a sudden, there you were! Your head was out (a big head!) and I'll never forget the image of your head surrounded by four hands--your dad's and Shirley's--like the petals of a flower. My heart was about to burst at this point! I looked behind me to see Sariah and Julia straining and bouncing on their tiptoes to see you, with huge smiles on their faces.

Shirley gently unwound the cord from your neck, your mom shouted your release, and there you were! Your dad handed you to your mom. It was 8:21 PM. Pandemonium! There were little shrieks of joy, and lots of "Great job, Michelle," "You did so good, Mom!", and your mom cooing "My baby, my baby." And then, in walked your Oma, literally seconds after you were born.

Your mom looked amazing--so relaxed and serene. Verina just stayed there behind her, little tears slipping down her face from time to time. Your dad then helped Shirley with the placenta as your mom pushed it out, and as the cord stopped pulsating, your dad held it while Jacqueline cut it. It was very moving.

I went to wake up Tara and bring her in. She looked around at everyone stunned for a minute, sat down beside you and your mom, and promptly fell back to sleep. I stood around snapping shots for a while, and then went off to help your dad get everyone something to drink.

When I came back you were nursing and I took some more pictures. Jacqueline was asleep on the bed at one point. Later, there were pictures of you with Jacqueline and your dad and your Oma. It seemed a perfect time to give your family some privacy and some special time with you, so Verina and I went off and made your mom something to eat while the midwives wrote their notes. Verina took the food up, and I spent about a half-hour downstairs chatting with Ellen and Shirley and drinking tea.

When I came up, I took pictures of you being weighed--9 pounds 2 ounces. Wow! Shirley examined your mom and she did not require any stitches. There wasn't even any bruising! Ellen examined the placenta and I took a lot of pictures of your Oma listening intently and asking questions. I felt this was so profound as your Oma probably never had an opportunity to look in wonder at the tissue that was/is uniquely a part of you and your mother. Your dad took pictures of me holding you, while your mom was in the shower. When she came out, she looked so refreshed and joyous, and excitedly commented on how wonderful and comforting it is to have your baby in your own home and have a shower in your own shower and then go to sleep in your own bed. Soon, your dad was sleeping with you and your mom all snuggled up together.

Around 11:00 PM, Ellen and I came up to kiss your mom and you goodbye. Your mom looked so beautiful--relaxed and sleepy. Shirley stayed to finish cleaning up. Ellen and I chatted in the driveway for a while, as I was literally vibrating. I felt as though I could have floated away in the moonlight. I had just witnessed a profoundly moving event, and was so overjoyed and honored to have been able to. It was magical, transcendental, and spiritual, and it changed my life.

I was completely wired so I ended up going to a farewell get together with some co-workers from the bookstore and didn't get home until after 1:00 AM. When I got home, I cried and cried. I cried for how beautiful the birth was and how grateful I was to be there, and I cried for all the babies who don't come into the world so beautifully. And I cried, because I finally knew that I wanted to help empower women in and through birth and made the decision to go ahead with doula training.

The very next day I quit my job at the bookstore. Your birth facilitated my re-birth, in a way. Your mom was re-born that day as well--as the beautiful mother of five amazing girls. I hope I am still part of your mom's life when you read this. I would love to think that I would have the privilege of seeing one who has had such an impact on my life all grown up. I'd like to have an opportunity to thank you in person someday.

Peace, Madeleine, and a long and happy life. Hope it goes well :) Ellen

Michelle Cormack, ALACE Regional Director, Eastern Canada