Terrorism and tyranny.

On a dark day sometime in the fall of 1982, fighting the wind for our umbrellas and running for shelter from the icy rain, we almost collided in the lobby of the downtown Seattle office building where we both worked. I hadn't seen him for several weeks. As president of one of Washington's then-leading gay-rights organizations, he divided his time between the Seattle office and his legislative lobbying in Olympia. Juggling briefcases and assorted rain gear, we hustled into an empty elevator. As the door closed and I looked up in anticipation of his steady and always dignified manner, my smile faded and my cheerful greeting stuck in my throat.

Mostly, I remember his eyes. How hollow they looked, as if the essence of the person I knew had retreated so far behind them that he was no longer visible. His untamed red hair and mismatched tie belied his usual impeccable appearance. And pale - I remember he was very pale.

"Jim!" I blurted out in alarm, lowering my briefcase to the floor and reaching for his arm. "Are you ill?"

For several seconds, I thought he hadn't heard me. As I was about to repeat myself, he answered in a voice I barely recognized, "Yes . . . No . . . I don't know. What should I be doing now? Can you tell me?"

Oh, how stupid of me. I should have realized immediately that in the interval since I had last seen him, the exact nature of the AIDS virus and the ways in which it could be transmitted had been indisputably confirmed. What could I say? I could think of absolutely nothing.

"Jim, I don't know what to say. I doubt that any of us have truly grasped all the implications of this terrible epidemic."

"No, I suppose not," he said. "But I do know that the civil liberties implications alone are overwhelming. If I'd been asked to speculate on the worst thing that could possibly happen to set back the cause of gay rights, never in my wildest imagination could I have envisioned anything as diabolically effective as this."

When I saw the same look in my own mirror on the morning after the explosion in Oklahoma City, I remembered this encounter in vivid detail. Because the threats to civil liberties already occasioned by this ghastly terrorist act are worse than anything I could ever have imagined. Fear causes a people to make bad decisions - which is just what the terrorists want. People frantic to protect themselves from mass murderers are not inclined to let a Bill of Rights or a Constitution stand in their way.

And the president's reaction? Talk of "swift justice," revenge, and punishment and promises of the death penalty. Demands for "increased vigilance against illegal immigrants," more border patrols and inspectors, expanded work-site verification of immigrant status as a condition of employment, and "streamlining deportations" to include immediate expulsion of any immigrant ever convicted of a crime - or charged with a crime. The Counterterrorism Act of 1995 also authorizes the use of "secret terrorism evidence" in the deportation of immigrants and greatly increases access to financial and credit reports.

The U.S. Treasury Department has joined the fray, demanding more money and authority and personnel to respond to this "war against the federal government." Its officials, too, express great concern about "the number of foreign aliens operating in this country."

Any of us who look "suspicious" or "different" will face more challenges to our right to be in certain places and in the company of certain people. We must buy more metal detectors, hire more police and security guards, and put up more barricades to keep the people farther than they already are from places where government officials do our business.

But perhaps most terrifying of all is the proposal that the military become actively involved in domestic affairs through the establishment of a domestic counterterrorist center under FBI jurisdiction. Surely it isn't just me and those around me who are having nightmares about this horrifying possibility. Simply put, we are being asked to sacrifice our privacy rights and our protections against intrusive searches and unwarranted access by government to the details of our personal lives.

Unfortunately, a recent Associated Press poll confirms that most Americans want the government to "do something about terrorism even if it intrudes on some people's rights and privacy." Apparently it doesn't occur to most Americans that today's "correct" thinkers may be tomorrow's "wrong-thinking" enemies. Extremists exist in every cause. A government without justice invites extremism. A government that makes war on its own citizens and then complains when they object is a government undeserving of respect.

President Clinton has also informed us that it is not possible to love one's country but hate and fear one's government. What an arrogant and ridiculous statement! I think I can safely say that my love for the uniquely American concepts and ideals of freedom and democracy is the driving force of my life. But I have hated and feared my government and its enforcement power in varying degrees since at least 1967.

I find it astonishing that a man who avoided the draft and protested the Vietnam War could possibly make this statement. Yes, we hated the government for what it was doing. We hated it with the passionate intensity of youthful outrage. Our brothers and lovers and husbands and friends were being maimed and murdered by the thousands before the very eyes of the nation. The president says that Americans who feel as we did then are dangerous enemies of the state and should not be voicing these beliefs.

At our peril, the entire Clinton administration continues to ignore warnings that more repressive rhetoric and greater restrictions will almost certainly lead to more violence. Dr. Park Dietz, psychiatric consultant to the FBI on right-wing militants, has made this clear - just as he did during Waco. "This is the very worst way to respond," he says, "because it gives these groups the excuse they're waiting for. It will lead to more loss of life, just as backing the Branch Davidians into a corner led to tragedy."

In any event, tyranny is no antidote to terrorism. The simple truth is that none of these alarming curtailments of the rights of a free people can stop terrorism. Too many terrorists are more than willing to give their lives in a terrorist action.

And how is it that, all of a sudden, it is conservatives who are talking about free-speech rights and First Amendment protection of unpopular or hateful speech? Something is very wrong when I find myself in agreement with G. Gordon Liddy. But he's right that he isn't responsible for the actions of others. He's right that "rhetoric is simply persuasive speech." He's right that his rhetoric, however hateful, is precisely the kind of speech most in need of First Amendment protection. He's right that advocacy of armed self-defense is not against the law. And he's right that currently in America, provided certain procedures are followed, there is nothing illegal about obtaining firearms or using them in self-defense.

Extremist right-wing talk radio does not spread hate. It gives hate a voice. Its purpose is to give these emotions an outlet - to allow these people to talk and be heard. Let us remember that being an idiot is not a criminal offense in America. Neither is having sexist or bigoted or hateful beliefs - or talking about those beliefs.

Hysteria breeds irrational fear. The chances of being killed by a terrorist attack in the United States are still less than one in 100 million. I realize that this is no comfort to the victims and their families in Oklahoma City. But how much more freedom should Americans surrender to create the illusion that something is being done to eliminate these attacks completely?

I remember a particularly galling bumpersticker that appeared in the 1960s: "America: Love It or Leave It." Our response - then and now - "America: Fix It or Lose It."

Barbara Dority is the president of Humanists of Washington, the executive director of the Washington Coalition Against Censorship, and cochair of the Northwest Feminist Anti-Censorship Taskforce.