Teach us to pray: Jesus gave us words with which to pray, but U.S. Catholic readers have some wisdom of their own to share about how to come closer to God.

WHEN JESUS TAUGHT HIS DISCIPLES HOW TO pray 2,000 years ago, he knew what he was doing. With the Our Father he offered a prayer that satisfies the longings of his followers then and now. Rather than using "empty phrases," Jesus addressed God in a personal way, as a father (Matt. 6:7). Today Catholics may address God as father, mother, or best friend, but the idea is the same--we have a relationship with God. More than anything else, U.S. CATHOLIC readers responded to our Reader Survey on prayer by saying that they pray in order to develop and strengthen this relationship.

Could it really be as simple as Jesus suggests, these few lines uniting us with our Creator? Perhaps it is, but we humans tend to complicate things, and this Reader Survey reveals that there is a wide variety of opinions--sometimes contradictory--about prayer.

EVEN THE IDEA THAT PRAYER IS A ABOUT PERSONAL Relationship with God is not so simple, as the line between individual and communal prayer is not clear cut. The church teaches us that prayer is "crucial to the Christ-life, both individually and communally, privately and liturgically," writes Father Bob Meissner of Bay City, Michigan. It is indeed the Our Father rather than the My Father. This can pose a challenge, Meissner explains: "There are two unhealthy tendencies in prayer: 1) 'All I need to do is pray in private, and I don't need the church for that'; 2) 'Going to Mass is enough and satisfies my need and obligation to pray.'"

Most respondents, however, seem not to fall into either of these unhealthy camps. Eighty-six percent say they pray more than once a day, not just at Mass, and 72 percent say that Sunday Mass does not satisfy their needs for prayer. Many also list daily Mass, saying the rosary before Mass, or praying after the Eucharist as part of their personal prayer life. Even outside of Mass, prayer is often communal: Prayer or church groups, spiritual directors, teaching others, retreats, and family and friends all help readers with their own prayer lives. For Julianne Powers of Melrose, Massachusetts, for example, weekly meetings of a parish rosary group and a charismatic prayer group "encourage my own prayer life because of the dedication of the other members."

Also, while readers most frequently say prayer is about their personal relationship with God, they most often pray about or for others. U.S. CATHOLIC readers pray for the struggles of family and friends most of the time, and they often pray for people they don't know, especially those who are forced to live through poverty and war. Although 74 percent say they pray in times of crisis or personal need, they list others' needs more frequently than they list their own in what they pray for or about.

ANOTHER SEEMINGLY CONTRADICTORY ASPECT of prayer is that people pray to come closer to and revere God, but they also pray to ask for something, whether their own health or world peace. God may be their best friend, but God is a best friend with a lot of power, and this can be troubling.

Although Sandra Kay of Houston prays about her health and financial situation, as well as for her family and the world, she says that the formula of thanksgiving first and petitions last "seems manipulative even though I'm sincere."

A few say that they avoid this problem altogether. "I don't usually ask for things. My prayers are mostly of adoration and thanksgiving," says Jack Coleman of Belmont, Massachusetts.

Jesus does say, however, "Ask and it will be given to you" (Luke 11:9). Half of the Our Father prayer, too, is petitions. "Give us ... Forgive us ... Deliver us from evil," we ask.

"We do not have to talk God into doing good things for us," Kathy Voigt of Claysville, Pennsylvania points out. "God wants our good more than we do."

Although almost all respondents say that God does answer at least some prayers, it can sometimes be hard to believe that God intervenes to do good for us. "The lack of response, and my own weak faith and skepticism" challenges Matt Legrand of Sacramento, California, but he does believe God answers prayers in ways he wouldn't expect.

This idea helps many reconcile the tension between reverence and request. Rather than becoming closer to God because they want something, these readers become closer to God in order to understand God's will. They pray for insight, inner peace, and forgiveness rather than outright solutions. A reader in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, for example, says she prays for "acceptance and guidance. I ask to see the path that God knows is best for me, and the courage to follow that path."

For these readers, it is as simple as the Our Father prayer suggests: We ask for our daily bread, but we also let God's "will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

HOW EXACTLY ONE LEARNS GOD'S WILL IS ANOTHER STORY. Jesus gave us words with which to pray, and 65 percent of readers say they recite memorized prayers, like the Our Father, when praying. This has its limitations, however.

"Memorized prayer, although good in itself and as a starting point, does not allow for our minds to quiet and be touched by the Spirit working within and through us," says Joyce M. Potter of Fairbanks, Arkansas.

This is also the problem with the most popular form of prayer--talking to God. Many readers find that with this approach to prayer, they sometimes talk too much. While 76 percent of respondents say they talk to God, only 55 percent say they listen. As Cindy Bourret of Baltimore says, "being silent and listening to God" is difficult, and other challenges listed by readers--like finding a quiet, distraction-free time and place--only make inner silence more difficult.

Some say contemplative prayer, centering groups, or even Eastern practices like yoga help them be still. "I find the Tao Te Ching very helpful for meditation," says Father David Sharp, C.S.B. of Wickenburg, Arizona. But only 8 percent of those surveyed have tried nontraditional prayers or prayers from other religions.

OTHERS SUGGEST A DIFFERENT APPROACH. "PRAYER IS MORE just finding a quiet time away. It is about finding God in the midst of daily living," says Margaret Wilken of Saginaw, Michigan.

To "pray always" throughout our day, as many readers suggest, is a daunting challenge--and one that makes it hard to be satisfied with one's prayer life.

Because prayer is an endless process, the most satisfying prayer life can still be frustrating. "My chief issue is finding patience with the pace of development in my prayer life while not becoming complacent and striving for improvement," says Ricardo Rodriguez of Ypsilanti, Michigan.

Despite the number of times a day and the variety of ways readers pray, only 45 percent say they are satisfied with their prayer life. Almost all readers also list challenges they have with prayer. Although Frank Huber of Grand Junction, Colorado says he is OK where he is now, he also says, "My prayer life will hopefully always grow and mature."

In the face of challenges, it is good to remember that "God loves us 'warts and all' even though our prayers are not perfect," says Rita Patterman of Indianapolis. Most readers suggest simply finding whatever practice works for you--reciting the rosary, talking to God, or meditating in a quiet corner--and sticking with it.

We may try to complicate it with our hopes and desires, but prayer, as Jesus taught us 2,000 years ago, seems to be pretty simple in the end. All the varied approaches come down to one thing: As so many readers suggest, borrowing a line from Nike, "Just do it."

Advance copies of Sounding Board are mailed to a sample of U.S. CATHOLIC subscribers. Their answers to questions on the topic of this article and a representative selection of their comments follow in Feedback.

By MEGAN SWEAS, assistant editor of U.S. CATHOLIC.