Talking man to man: twenty-something, 40-something: we're all gay men, but we each reflect a certain time and place. How are we different ... and how are we alike?This is hardly a scientific survey. But The Advocate's editors and I came up with five questions we could put to gay men over and under the age of 40 in an attempt to illuminate il·lu·mi·nate v. il·lu·mi·nat·ed, il·lu·mi·nat·ing, il·lu·mi·nates v.tr. 1. To provide or brighten with light. 2. To decorate or hang with lights. 3. the differences and similarities between generations often separated by stereotypes and misperceptions. Consider them conversation starters. Try them out in your own life. This small sampling bucks one persistent Permanent. See persistent data, persistent name and persistent object. persistent - persistence stereotype stereotype (stĕr`ĕətīp'), plate from which printing is done, made by casting metal in a mold, usually of paper pulp. The process was patented in 1725 by the Scottish inventor William Ged. : that younger gay men are more likely to be devoted to the cause of samesex marriage. Bobby, a 26-year-old waiter in West Hollywood West Hollywood A community of southern California northeast of Beverly Hills. It is mainly residential. Population: 36,600. , Calif., is suspicious suspicious adjective Referring to the consideration of a particular disorder–eg, cancer, as a diagnostic possibility, as in 'suspicious for malignancy' of what he sees as the "heteronormative" nature of marriage equality equality Generally, an ideal of uniformity in treatment or status by those in a position to affect either. Acknowledgment of the right to equality often must be coerced from the advantaged by the disadvantaged. Equality of opportunity was the founding creed of U.S. , while Eric ERIC Educational Research Information Clearinghouse ERIC Educational Resources Information Center ERIC ERISA Industry Committee ERIC Epidemiologic Research and Information Center (Durham, NC) , a 47-year-old writer, believes that all gay men must be given the option of participating in the rights and rituals of mainstream society. But on one issue most respondents In the context of marketing research, a representative sample drawn from a larger population of people from whom information is collected and used to develop or confirm marketing strategy. were in agreement. When asked what is the most offensive term directed at gay men, most agreed that antigay slurs are more about context than vocabulary vocabulary, n 1. the stock or range of words possessed by an individual or a culture used for self-expression or communication. n 2. the sum of the distinct words related to a discipline or profession. . You may want to take some of these questions out into the world, maybe adding a few of your own. Think of them as icebreakers “Icebreakers” redirects here. For the ships, see Icebreaker. Icebreakers is an ice hockey team founded in 2002 by (among others) Peter Forsberg and Markus Näslund. for men of different generations who want to have a conversation that extends beyond the dance floor or bedroom. Those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it, and those who don't don't 1. Contraction of do not. 2. Nonstandard Contraction of does not. n. A statement of what should not be done: a list of the dos and don'ts. share the lessons of their experience are doomed to be forgotten.
How
What Who was supportive were
percentage your your friends
of your close first and family
friends are celebrity members when
straight? crush? you came out?
Eric I'd say it's Davy Jones from They didn't
writer about 50-50, and the Monkees. It dismiss me, but
47 that's because I started with a they didn't really
live in a very feeling I got want to know
gay environment. when I watched anything else
him sing about it and their
"Daydream attitude was,
Believer." His Let's never talk
voice and eyes about that again.
evoked a But it took me a
bittersweet while to come out
feeling in me to them, so maybe
that I can only I should allow
describe as them as much time
longing. to get used to it.
Ted Thirty percent. Lance Kerwin, the They were
journalist But that number star of James at extremely
40 has changed over 15, a TV show supportive, but it
time because I that was on in took my parents
came out of the the late 70s. I about a year to
closet late. I've thought he was get used to it. It
been adding gay totally hot; he was funny--friends
friends since had blond hair who I thought were
then, not losing and he was homophobic seemed
straight ones. sensitive. The to have their
fact is, I homophobia
thought I was dissipate on the
kind of like him spot. Their
and I sort of attitude was that
identified with now that I had
him. Unlike most come out to them
gay people I had they simply
a great high couldn't make
school homophobic remarks
experience, but anymore.
this crush
developed in
junior high,
which I think is
hellish fdrall of
us.
Andre Not very big. Greg Evigan from My friends were
personal About 5%. BJ and the Bear. very supportive,
trainer But I also had but I could sense
38 mad love for Erik that they didn't
Estrada during really understand
his CHiPs days. it and it made
He seemed so them
masculine at the uncomfortable. My
time. What was brother has been
that about? out to clubs with
me. [But] my
parents are very
religious, and I
think it caused
them great
conflict. I did
find a quick-read
book in my
mother's things
one time about how
to accept your gay
child, but she
never asked me
about it.
Henry About 5%. I find Brad Pitt in It was never an
public that straight Interview With issue with any of
relations people just don't the Vampire. His them. Nobody said
27 have the same blond hair and anything bad.
interests as me, big lips didn't Nobody ever
and most of my hurt, but I was questioned it.
gay friends also drawn to the They didn't react
follow the fact that he was as if I had made a
stereotype of the mysterious and choice to be gay.
gay man as being sympathetic.
sophisticated and
interested in the
arts.
Bobby The percentage Lou Ferrigno. Surprisingly
waiter used to be bigger He was just supportive, much
26 when I lived in frigging huge. more than I
Seattle. Back thought they were
then, I'd say going to be.
about 60% of my Especially my
close friends parents.
were straight. Ninety-nine
Now that I live percent of my
in a gay area friends were
that, percentage really very
has shifted. Its supportive. Only
down to about two of my friends
20%. had problems: One
was a girl who had
a crush on me, and
the other was a
deeply religious
guy whose family
became less
welcoming to me
after I came out.
Which Are you
term applied in a day
to gay men marriage,
do you find most or do you
offensive? want one?
Eric My opinion on this has I'm not, and I do. I really
writer changed a lot over time. It like this country and this
47 also depends on the society as it exists, and I
context. Somebody driving would like to be able to
down Santa Monica Boulevard participate in it. The
screaming "fag" out the hardest part about being gay
window used to offend me, is not getting to
but now my response is to participate in the rights
smile and wave because I am and rituals of life. Maybe
one and I'm not ashamed of they aren't so great, but I
it. would like the chance to
decide that for myself.
Ted "Fag." I'm not in a gay marriage
journalist All of its connotations because we're not allowed
40 are negative. The fact to have gay marriages.
that it comes from My partner refers to me
childhood makes as his husband, but I call
it worse. him my partner. Officially
we have a domestic
partnership.
Andre "Queer." I am not a I go back and forth on the
personal "queer." I know the phrase gay marriage thing. Why
trainer has been embraced by our would we want to take on
38 community as a way of the heterosexual tradition?
preaching acceptance, but Most of us cheat anyway.
it glosses over the fact But I guess if we want to
that many of us have good insurance rates,
discriminate against one we gotta do what we
another on the basis of gotta do.
age, race, and even sexual
position.
Henry It depends on the context. I want one. I see gay
public "Fag" coming from a marriage as an equal
relations straight person is still rights issue. No one
27 the most offensive to me. should be treated as a
Its the childishness and second-class citizen.
immaturity of it combined
with how it was used
against me throughout
adolescence.
Bobby "Faggot." It was the one I'm not in a gay marriage.
waiter that got thrown around the Even if it were a legal
26 most when I just started to option, I wouldn't take it
realize I was gay and felt right now because I don't
the most alone. High school feel I'm in a place to be
wasn't as bad, because I married. I also have
was sexually active and problems with the idea
knew I wasnt the only gay because I think its
guy. But in middle school I heteronormative, but I
was the only gay kid in a recognize the advantages of
small town, in a class of it from a legal perspective.
14 kids with 12 boys, and
everyone was getting called
"faggot" all the time.
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