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Tales from the Crib: True Confessions of a Shameless Procreator.



Thinking of having children? Think again. henrik Drescher takes Dr. Seuss Noun 1. Dr. Seuss - United States writer of children's books (1904-1991)
Geisel, Theodor Seuss Geisel
 up a couple of notches from "Hop on Verb 1. hop on - get up on the back of; "mount a horse"
bestride, climb on, jump on, mount up, get on, mount

move - move so as to change position, perform a nontranslational motion; "He moved his hand slightly to the right"
 pop!" by invoking through his art such verbs as drop, plop plop  
v. plopped, plop·ping, plops

v.intr.
1. To fall with a sound like that of an object falling into water without splashing.

2.
, slop, fwaap!, and lop LOP - A language based on first-order logic.

["SETHEO - A High-Perormance Theorem Prover for First-Order Logic", Reinhold Letz et al, J Automated Reasoning 8(2):183-212 (1992)].
. It all happens in one form or another between the covers of Tales from the Crib. This little gem of a book published in October is a must-read for prospective parents, and the absolute antidote for those special people and all their special children raised on this, the only special planet we have under our very own special sun.

Drescher takes all the myths of that magical world called parenthood, soundly spanks them, and sends them off to bed without dinner. He goes well beyond his claim to reveal the "mystical truths" of Mommying and Daddying, citing, for example, reasons for procreation PROCREATION. The generation of children; it is an act authorized by the law of nature: one of the principal ends of marriage is the procreation of children. Inst. tit. 2, in pr. : "You've discovered how. You're bored. You're about to break up. You have too little laundry to do. You have too much freedom. You have too much money." And, finally, "You feel the need to prove that you're MAN ENOUGH." Enigmas of the "post-partum sex life" are unraveled to expose the darker side of the somewhat heavier underbelly of pregnancy. And there's more--solutions to all those pesky child-rearing problems, from teething teething /teeth·ing/ (teth´ing) the entire process resulting in eruption of the teeth.

teeth·ing
n.
The eruption or cutting of the teeth.
 to weaning weaning,
n the period of transition from breast feeding to eating solid foods.


weaning

the act of separating the young from the dam that it has been sucking, or receiving a milk diet provided by the dam or from artificial sources.
.

Although my own children are relatively calm, cool, collected adults at this advanced stage of their teenage lives, I still remember the many traumatic, wild, and wooly wool·y  
adj. & n.
Variant of woolly.

Adj. 1. wooly - having a fluffy character or appearance
flocculent, woolly

soft - yielding readily to pressure or weight

2.
 episodes of raising them up, and of them holding me down--hopping on pop, as it were.

Henrik Drescher happens to be one of the finest artists to grace the pages of this magazine in the eighty-five years of its existence. I must admit to a more than professional relationship with him, having worked with him almost every month since I arrived in Madison thirteen years ago. In fact, on occasion I have even served time in the Drescher home, and I can report that this father knows of what he draws. With three wild children and no bars on the cage, Henrik and his amazing wife, Lauren, are living testament to the strength of the human heart and the tenacity of the spirit.

This book may prove to be the best population-control device to come along since the original lambskin. And dig this, it's shaped like a bottle. I suppose if your parental patience is pushed too far, you can always turn to this.

So if you're thinking of bringing children into this world, or you've already pulled the plug on your loveboat cruise through domestic bliss, check out Tales from the Crib. It will have you laughing overboard.
COPYRIGHT 1994 The Progressive, Inc.
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 1994, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Author:Flynn, Patrick J.B.
Publication:The Progressive
Article Type:Book Review
Date:Nov 1, 1994
Words:434
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