TRAGICOMIC `SOMEBODY TO LOVE' NOT SO EASY TO LIKE.

Byline: Rene Rodriguez Knight-Ridder Tribune News Wire

The romance at the heart of ``Somebody to Love,'' which opened Friday, is old-fashioned and familiar; it's the stuff around the edges that's formidably bizarre. The movie, though primarily a comedy, is wistful and sad: All its characters have big dreams, and none will ever achieve them, but that's not going to stop them from trying.

Rosie Perez stars as Mercedes, a taxi dancer at a dingy L.A. bar who aspires to be an actress. She listens to how-to tapes before bedtime to improve her enunciation, she goes on an endless array of cattle-call auditions, and she clings to her loser boyfriend Harry (Harvey Keitel) because he had a role in a TV series in the 1970s: Mercedes just wants to bask in the glow of someone who was once, for however brief a time, a paid actor.

At the bar, one of Mercedes' customers - shy, gentle Ernesto (Michael DeLorenzo) - falls irrevocably in love with her. She tells him she's not interested, but she befriends him because she needs affection, and Ernesto seems to want nothing other than her company. Soon, he has devoted his life to winning Mercedes over, but he stands no chance: He's broke and unemployed, and her sights are set on stardom.

Director Alexandre Rockwell (``In the Soup,'' ``Four Rooms'') treats the central love story in a straightforward way: It's the world around Mercedes and Ernesto that's gone a little kooky. The supporting cast includes Steve Buscemi - looking surprisingly good in drag - as Mickey, Mercedes' fellow dancer; Stanley Tucci as George, a fast-buck agent never above copping a cheap feel; cult director Sam Fuller as a drunken filmmaker; and Anthony Quinn as a shady businessman who gives Ernesto a fateful job.

There are lots of other strange cameos, from Quentin Tarantino as a bartender to rapper Gerardo as one of Ernesto's buddies, and you figure they must have all worked practically for free, since ``Somebody to Love'' is a small, low-budget affair. The movie is amusing, and the performances by Perez and DeLorenzo genuinely touching. But for every good scene (like Mercedes and Ernesto's encounter with a snooty waiter), there are two bad ones (like Keitel's embarrassing recital of Shakespeare while dressed in a Tarzan loincloth).

The painful undertones of ``Somebody to Love'' contrast nicely with its comedic surface: Rockwell obviously loves these characters. But the movie's pacing is erratic, its story line lacks surprise, and the tragic ending doesn't fit in. ``Somebody to Love'' is the sort of movie in which Mercedes would have been cast if she ever made it as an actress: It's a quirky, disposable curiosity.

THE FACTS

The film: ``Somebody to Love'' (R; vulgar language, violence, sexual situations).

The stars: Rosie Perez, Harvey Keitel, Michael DeLorenzo, Steve Buscemi, Anthony Quinn, Stanley Tucci.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Alexandre Rockwell. Produced by Lila Cazes. Written by Sergei Bodrov, Alexandre Rockwell. Released by GS Entertainment.

Running time: One hour, 40 minutes.

Playing: Selected theaters.

Our rating: Two Stars.