TRADE ME! (OR MAYBE NOT ...) EVERYONE RELAX, CHANCES OF KOBE LEAVING UNLIKELY.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

Now you know what happens when people don't listen to me.

Kobe Bryant is still talking, and talking and talking.

He's telling one radio station Wednesday morning he absolutely has to be traded and another an hour later he can't imagine playing for anyone but the Lakers. He told one station his favorite color was blue, and another it was absolutely green.

Stay tuned, he could make another call any moment and announce his retirement. And devotion to the color red.

Kobe is frustrated, angry, emotional, confused and wildly confusing.

He is all over, a spinning top likely to say anything at any moment, and then the exact opposite. Pretty sure he just needs a big hug.

It's all a little embarrassing for him and the organization, but there is clearly no holding him back.

What Kobe truly needs to do right now, what all the Lakers faithful need, the management he continues to trash, everyone remotely associated with the Lakers need, is to calm down.

Take slow, deep breaths. Pop a sedative. Close their eyes and imagine something crazy, like reality.

And the reality is, despite the week's melodrama and relationships strained with his radio babbling, the chances of Kobe being traded remain remote.

The reality is, he is the best player on the planet, still in his prime and playing in the entertainment capital of the world.

That's a pretty nifty marriage, and worth saving.

It won't be as easy as a week or day or maybe an hour earlier, but it can still be smoothed over. At least if Jerry Buss can get out of the drunk tank.

This all began over three weeks ago, when Kobe ripped his teammates, saying the team talent level had to be upgraded.

Then came Sunday's comments to ESPN's Ric Bucher that he wanted Jerry West brought back and given complete authority, or he wanted to be traded.

It was then I warned Kobe he needed to shut it down and stop the verbal spewing, but there was no listening. Kids. He was a pingpong ball out of control by now.

So he tells local newspapers, no, really, he doesn't want to be traded, he just respects West. It was semicalm for a couple of minutes.

When a local newspaper reported Tuesday that a Lakers insider said Kobe had to remember it was his insistence on getting away from Shaquille O'Neal "that got them in this mess," he was back on the war path.

By Tuesday afternoon he was telling 570-AM the team organization was a mess. And then Wednesday morning he was ready to be traded to Pluto, apparently unaware it's no longer considered a planet, though I think that's where the NBA shipped all those microfiber basketballs.

He told 1050 ESPN radio in New York on Wednesday he'd had enough.

"I would like to be traded, yeah," he said. "Tough as it is to come to that conclusion there's no other alternative, you know?"

Asked if the Lakers could do anything to change his mind, Kobe was adamant.

"No," Bryant said. "I just want them to do the right thing."

And apparently he wasn't picky about what team with which he'd accept a trade.

"At this point, I'll go play on Pluto," he said.

Yet after a conversation with Phil Jackson, Kobe was back on ESPN radio a couple of hours later, telling Dan Patrick he wanted to be buried beneath Staples Center.

"I always dreamed about retiring as a Laker," he said. "I just hope and hope that something can be resolved. Something can be figured out. Just something so I can stay here and be in this city and be with the team I love."

Ah, love, it's just not as simple as it used to be.

By the time he was back on 570-AM on Wednesday afternoon, you'd never have known he had begun his morning blowing all torpedoes away at the Lakers organization.

"I want to stay here," he said. "This is my team. I love it.

"I've been a Laker fan forever. I don't want to go no place else."

Now where would anyone get the idea Kobe wanted to be traded?

These are strange, desperate, convoluted times in Laker Land. This hearkens back to those thrilling days of yesteryear, when Kobe, Shaq and Phil could be counted on to make things interesting on a daily basis, though Kobe has pulled this one off all by his lonesome.

It's hard to make any definitive observations about this, other than it all remains much too public, but these are the various topics that have Kobe upset:

1) The team is not good enough; 2) management isn't good enough; 3) he was told the Lakers would try to build a championship caliber team immediately when he re-signed and the team had a long-term plan; 4) he never asked Buss to unload Shaq and feels betrayed by the team and its insider; 5) he wants a phone call from Buss; and 6) honest, blue has always been his color.

Ironically, two of the people who have come to his greatest defense are one-time adversaries Shaq and Jackson.

One noteworthy item that has come from Kobe's odd media tour is that he met with Buss in the middle of the '04 season and was told that the center would not be re-signed. Kobe said Buss told him Shaq was getting old, didn't keep himself in shape and wasn't worth $30 million per year.

Maybe if Kobe and Shaq were acting like adults, Buss would have found a way to keep both. Still, Kobe made it clear Buss made the decision and Shaq said he believed him.

Kobe told ESPN radio he'd give Shaq a hug the next time he saw him.

Meanwhile, it was the call from Jackson ---- who had ripped Kobe so badly in his book after leaving the Lakers in '04 ---- that apparently soothed the guard's raw feelings later Wednesday.

"When we talked, it was an emotional conversation," Kobe told 570. "He just said, 'You know what, Kobe? Let us try and figure this thing out.' And that gave me some hope. I don't want to go no place else."

Now if Kobe can make up with Shaq and Phil, there's no reason the same can't happen here. A little patience, a little calm, and this too shall pass.

Kobe is right about one thing, though: The Lakers' front office has never been so dysfunctional. And that's not on general manager Mitch Kupchak, but on Buss.

If by this morning Kobe has again decided he really wants to be traded, he'd better check under the be-careful-what-you-wish-for file.

For another team to unload an equal amount of salary ---- he's guaranteed over $40 million the next two years before he can opt out of his contract ---- it would likely have to trade its best two players.

Then he's left playing with another bunch of scrubs, but instead of Los Angeles, he's in Atlanta or Memphis.

This has become his home, where his wife is from, where he's raising his family. Where he has played since showing up a wide-eyed but clearly talented teenager.

The Lakers are better served with Kobe, and he with them. Everyone needs to relax and figure it out. Change is not always good, particularly when it comes by the hour.

CAPTION(S):

12 photos

Photo:

(1 -- color) no caption (Kobe Bryant)

Hans Gutknecht/Staff Photographer

(2 -- color) Kobe Bryant, walking downcourt during a game against the Houston Rockets at Staples Center in March, is pondering his future with the organization.

Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images

(3 -- color) DR. JERRY BUSS

Time for Buss to pull himself away from the poker table and get his family and franchise back in order.

(4 -- color) PHIL JACKSON

Phil now has Kobe's ear. Finally. The question is, does he have Buss'?

(5 -- color) MITCH KUPCHAK

Will he go down in Lakers history as the man who traded Shaq and Kobe?

(6 -- color) JERRY WEST

Will Mr. Clutch return for one last hurrah?

(7 -- color) Keri Clegg, 22, Woodland Hills

"He's not a very good team player, and I'm surprised he's lasted this long on this team without the backing of a lot of good players."

(8 -- color) Joe Diab, 46, West Hills

"I think he basically leads a one-man show. ... The city would be fine, with or without him."

(9 -- color) Jerry Edelman, 48, West Hills

"The problem with Kobe is he's really selfish, so if he wants to be traded, I think we should let him go."

(10 -- color) Neal Sherman, 44, North Hills

"I'm very disappointed. I certainly hope that they don't trade him. ... I hope they keep him."

(11 -- color) Theresa Richard, Palmdale

"I say, Kobe, if you have to go, then go, my brother. We'll be OK. OK?"

(12 -- color) Robert Triplett, 45, Palmdale

"L.A. will never be the same if Kobe left. ... We love Kobe!"

Photos by Tina Burch/Staff Photographer