TOY-BUYING FACTS AND TIPS TO HELP PERPLEXED PARENTS.

Byline: Hal Kahn Knight-Ridder Tribune News Wire

Most kids need an armful of new toys about as much as Barbie needs a new outfit. What children want - and need - is love and attention from their parents.

But December is here, and chances are you're about to be overwhelmed by malls. Thus, in the spirit of giving, here's a roundup of what parents need to know about toys.

A toy can be a tool to help children master the skills they need in life. A board game, for example, teaches the value of sharing. Soothing a doll can help youngsters learn how to comfort themselves.

Open-ended toys such as building blocks, which give the child an opportunity to decide how they're used, are preferable to closed-end toys that can only be used in a specific way.

Open-ended toys encourage creativity and imagination. The soft rubber Koosh Ball, for instance, was designed to be thrown back and forth, but children soon started to paint with it. The manufacturer, Oddzon Toys of Campbell, took the cue and came out with a Koosh set of paints.

Most parents want a toy to be educational. But toys with labels that proclaim they'll help children compete in school can have unintended side effects by putting undue pressure on their recipients.

There's often a difference between what you want to give and what the kids want to receive. So, make sure some of the gifts reflect what kids want, even if they are not what you'd prefer to give, says Stevanne Auerbach, director of the Institute for Childhood Resources in San Francisco.

Giving a Barbie doll is a good way to start an argument. Barbie's foes say she promotes unrealistic views of the female body.

Others, however, say Barbie can help preadolescent girls prepare for the next stage of life and develop the skills they'll need for confronting life as a teen-ager.

Guns and swords also spark a debate. Many parents prohibit them, but not everyone agrees.

``Toy guns can be useful,'' says Carmen Frank-van Etten, a therapist at the Center for Human Development in San Jose. ``All kids have aggressive impulses.'' A parent shouldn't try to prohibit aggressive feelings but teach how to manage and channel them. Kids have to see ``they can deal with aggression in safe way,'' she adds.

Avoid ``watch-me'' toys. Usually, you wind them up and they grab your attention. Kids love to watch them - once.

Think before you buy licensed toys, such as those bearing characters from ``The Lion King'' or ``Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.'' Children often perceive that there is a ``script'' with such products and in playing simply re-enact scenes they've already seen on the screen. Parents sometimes give such toys so their children won't feel ostracized by being the only one on the block without this year's fad.

Barring such licensed toys may be unrealistic for most families, but don't be afraid to limit them.

Games give children a much-desired chance to play with their parents. They encourage social interaction, help kids learn to follow the rules and foster critical thinking.

Before buying, however, turn the box over and read the description to make sure the game is appropriate for the child, says Jeff Pinsker, vice president of University Games. The best games, he says, combine luck - so kids have a chance to win - and skill - to keep parents interested.

Pay attention to the composition of the toy. Are the materials durable? Also, remember that children need a variety of tactile experiences. If some toys are plastic, buy others made of wood or cloth.

Can the toy be cleaned without damaging it? With so many boys and girls spending a lot of time in day care and other group settings, it's a good idea to frequently wash stuffed animals and disinfect other playthings.

One last point, made by all the experts: A toy isn't a substitute for a parent. Owning a battery-operated device that tells a story isn't the same as sitting in Mom's lap and hearing a story.

A toy isn't a way to purge guilty feelings. Nor will giving a toy make up for what you didn't receive as a kid.

The greatest gift, of course, can neither be bought nor sold. Love can only be given. And - if you're lucky - you've already had plenty of practice.

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Photo: Open-ended toys, such as wooden blocks and logs, give the child an opportunity to decide how they're used, encouraging creativity and imagination.