TOO LATE TO CALL IN MR. FIX-IT.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Was the real problem with the U.S. and Canadian men's Olympic hockey teams just that they weren't goal-oriented?

Wasn't the crushing hit that Russia's Alexander Ovechkin put on U.S. team captain Chris Chelios during their pool-play victory all you needed to know about how the Americans were going to fare?

To which Olympic Village concierge does Mike Modano register a formal complaint about his lack of accommodations?

Does Wayne Gretzky need to update his speed-dial list of ``Pals I Can Call When I Need to Throw Together a National Hockey Team''? Todd Bertuzzi couldn't even pack a punch for the maple-leaf ragamuffins? Is there hope for Sidney Crosby next time?

Wouldn't speedskating be better off with more stories like Joey Cheek, who used the USOC money he won from the gold and silver medals to help war refugees in Africa, than this selfish sniveling between Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis?

What side does Bryant Gumbel stand on Hedrick versus Davis?

Couldn't they have awarded Sasha Cohen a gold for the short program and then a T-shirt that said ``I Do My Own Stunts'' for the long program? And by the way, how does one fall twice but still find a silver CD around her neck?

Given the way Thursday night unfolded, how would a slightly defective Michelle Kwan have placed?

How was it that a U.S. aerial skier named ``Speedy'' Peterson wasn't drug-tested every five minutes before he was finally sent home?

Does the fact a streaker showed up at the U.S.-Great Britain curling bronze match give the sport of sliding stones more credibility?

Where's the mute button for Dick Button?

-- Earl Watson couldn't have helped the Lakers? Reggie Evans? Vitaly Potapenko? Voshon Leonard? Derek Anderson? Marc Jackson? Vin Baker?

Or was the problem too obvious - that the Lakers had no one of interest for the teams that eventually dumped those role players?

-- At what point did the NBA players stop crying about the mandatory dress code and finally realize it was nice to look nice?

-- When did Matt Millen take over as the New York Knicks' GM?

-- If the eventual winner of the NBA's annual dunk contest needs 14 tries, when do they pick a fan from the crowd to give it a shot?

-- Has any of Paul Allen's employees bothered to ask the Microsoft co- founder and current owner of the Portland Trail Blazers and Seattle Seahawks how, aside from dropping a wrecking ball on the U.S. Treasury building, you just lose $12 billion over the past decade? Is it time for Paulie to ask someone like Frank McCourt for financial counseling?

-- In this match-play deal down South, who did you have coming out of the Peter Oosterhaus Bracket?

-- What piece of the Sports Arena will you pry off and take home as a souvenir after today's USC basketball game?