TO LIE OR NOT TO LIE.

... LITTLE WHITE ONES US. WHOPPERS ...

You basically have three choices: 1) 'Fess up. 2) Make up a story, any story. 3) Try to distract your mom ("Do you smell a gas leak?"). You had a fleeting thought about getting caught when you made your plans three weeks ago, but you figured you were in the clear. Maybe you reassured yourself with thoughts like, "Mom will never find out," or, "She'll say no so why bother," or, "Only a dork would turn down a chance to go to this awesome concert." You may have found excuses that were kinda sorta true, such as, "Mom's in a bad mood, so I don't want to ask and upset her more." As a last resort, you may have consoled yourself with, "It's just a concert!"

you tear through the door after day camp--only to be greeted by Mom's evil eye. "What's wrong?" you ask, never imagining the tsunami that's about to unleash. Silently, Mom retrieves two ticket stubs from her pocket and holds them centimeters from your nose--as though you might have forgotten about that Eve 6 concert you and your BFF attended...without permission. "Uh-oh," you think, "I'm so busted." Instantly, your heart contracts and that tell-tale "I'm so guilty" shade of pink creeps up your cheeks. You told the 'rents you were going to a sleepover, but it's pretty impossible to explain away hard evidence that you and your bud made a mosh pit stop. Mom is now staring at you, as if to say, "Well?" Your head is spinning almost as fast as the kitchen is, and you have to think fast.

From time to time, your integrity will be put to the test with parents, friends, coaches or teachers. And you'll be in the same sticky predicament--whether to tell the truth or lie your way out. It's your choice. We can't tell you what to do, but we can give you the low-down on lying.

Liar, liar

Many girls say it's OK to tell an occasional lie because "everybody does." Well, it sometimes seems that way. More troubling? Lying can pay off. While truthful sorts seem to suffer, first-rate liars often get the goods. Take Richard, the Survivor winner. He had no qualms about deceiving fellow survivors. While honest souls were voted off the island, he won! Lying is often not only accepted but rewarded. No wonder some of you may ask, "Why bother being honest?"

That's exactly what Alana, 13, asked herself after an end-of-year school incident. "A bunch of us were in the bathroom, passing a cigarette," she admits, "when a teacher busted us. We had to see the disciplinary committee. I confessed to a few drags and got probation. But my so-called friends swore they did nothing and got off scot-free. Since I told the truth, I was kicked off the track team. What's wrong with that picture?"

The Great White Lie

Don't get us wrong--no lie is necessarily a good lie. But we agree there are at least two valid reasons for using what's generally known as a "white lie": 1) to protect your safety, and 2) to protect someone else's feelings.

Say you're at a party and a friend asks, "Wanna beer?" Do you need to broadcast all the reasons that's a lousy idea? Nah, you can just say, "Thanks, but I'm not thirsty," even though you're positively parched. Sure, it's a lie, but it's easier--and no harm done. Or when your BFF's older sister picks you up from a football game smelling like alcohol, you don't have to list all the perils of drinking and driving you learned in health. "Hey, I just remembered my mom wants me to call home for a ride," will do just fine. Safety first, right?

Same goes for avoiding hurting someone. Rosie, 13, told a half truth to make her sib feel good: "I said I liked the birthday present from my little sis best. You should've seen how proud she was!" Suze, 14, says, "If a guy asks me out and I don't like him, I say I already have plans." That's a lot nicer than telling him you like his bud or that his breath stinks.

How 'bout when a friend asks if you like her new, scary 'do? Rhonda, 11, says that even if your BFF dyed her hair Gwen Stefani magenta, don't say, "You look like a hot pink lollipop." Instead, try, "Wow! That took courage!" Another tactic is to say, "I'll probably like it once I get used to it." Still another approach is commenting on what you do like. Like, if your bud's new hat looks like a half-eaten birthday cake, Allie, 10, suggests saying something like, "I like the colors," or, "It goes with your outfit."

It won't always be crystal-clear when it's OK to fib or when the truth should prevail. Gillian, 12, offers this great example. When her BFF got braces, Gillian admits, "She looked funny and talked weird, but I wasn't going to tell her." Soon enough, both Gillian and her BFF got used to the metal. But, when her BFF asks if she has food stuck in her teeth, "I definitely tell her the truth!"

Why Lie?

Let's be honest. Often, you're tempted to lie not to protect someone else, but to save your own tush or get what you want. The following benefits of fibbing can sometimes make honesty seem like a really lame policy.

1. Winning. Like Richard the Survivor, some girls' mantra is, "Win at all costs." These girls lie well. But Toni, 14, learned one lie can taint a whole victory: "It was my softball team's championship game, and we were winning by one run. Our rival had two outs at the bottom of the last inning. The girl who represented the tying run and I ran to home plate at the same time. The ump called her out, and my team went wild. The other coach freaked and asked me if I had really stepped on the plate. Of course, I said 'yes.' What else could I have done? But I don't think I made it in time. I still feel horrible about that. It ruined the season for me." Can you have a genuine feeling of accomplishment about a game, prize or good grade if you lied to get it?

2. Avoiding trouble. Patrice, 13, once "faked sick" and called her mom to pick her up from school because she forgot about a huge project due in home ec. She felt so guilty that she actually did feel sick that night! After leaving a 'fess up note on her mom's pillow, her illness was miraculously cured. Whether you've snuck around behind your folks' back, missed an assignment or broken your brother's CD player, it takes guts to own up. Especially when you know one little lie could help you avoid a big mess.

3. Wishing it were true. Sometimes you might say something you wish were true. Unfortunately, it's not, and that makes it a lie. Examples are telling your father, "I did all my homework earlier," or assuring your BFF, "Of course I didn't spill your secret." You would prefer your English paper and math problems were done so you could go on-line with your friends, and you'd give anything to take back the secret that slipped out. It's not that you mean to lie in these situations, but when faced with a choice you say something that is a lot more attractive than the cold, hard truth. Maybe you're hoping that if you say this more pleasant version out loud, it'll be true. Too bad that doesn't work.

4. Impressing someone. 0K, like you've never been tempted to say something just to sound cool? Chris, 14, confesses that when she told her buds she was "e-mailing back and forth 24/7" with the hot guy at camp, it was kinda an exaggeration (as in, the only time she actually spoke to him was in her dreams). Lots of girls lay it on thick in the quest to impress. But ask yourself this: Would your friends really like you better if you dated the babe you bragged about? And, if they did, would you want your friendship to be based on lies?

5. Insecurity. Some kids lie to cover up stuff that makes them uneasy or embarrassed. Say you're not exactly beaming with pride over your home sweet home (it's small or messy or needs work). Or maybe your mom loves to prance around in her muumuu and fuzzy slippers. So when your bud suggests listening to CDs at your place, you say, "Nuh-uh. My mom's in bed with a rare illness." Consider the possibility, instead, of trusting your friend to take the truth in stride. If she's a true-blue, she should be totally cool about it. Lauren, 12, says, "Instead of lying to ease your way out, trust your friends to understand your family--kooky clothes and all."

6. Avoiding conflicts. Do all your lies center on one particular person? In other words, are you generally honest except when you deal with a certain teacher, one of your parents or a difficult friend? If so, you may be dodging conflict in a relationship. Say your BFF always borrows your best clothes but never returns them. So next time she hits you up for a Limited Too tee on loaner, you lie: "It's in the wash," or, "I left it at my dad's." Instead, tell her like it is. Simply say, "I don't mind lending you stuff as long as I get it back by the weekend." It's even OK to say, "Sorry, I'd rather not part with my wardrobe right now."

7. Privacy. Sometimes, a lie can come up like a major shield to protect your privacy. When someone asks if you're crushing on the new kid (you are) or if you French-kissed him, it's like your lips are set on automatic--"No way!" But put on the brakes, and try 13-year-old Jennifer's strategy: "If my brother asks about guys or something, I don't go into every little detail." Instead, she tells him something relatively minor but true. When people try to goad you into dishing the dirt, try, "I'll tell you later," or, "Can't talk right now!" Or, you can resort to the standard, "That's personal."

The Liabilities of Lies

With all these temptations to twist the truth, what could possibly entice you to lay off the lying? Well, believe it or not, there are lots of really, really good reasons to curb the baloney cycle.

1. Your conscience. Remember the values your parents, teachers and religion taught you? Now, your own ethics tell you lying's bad. And the guilt can gnaw at you like a brain rash. Since you want to be a good person (right?), you should treat people the way you want to be treated. Ask yourself, "If the tables were turned, how would I feel if someone were dishonest with me?"

2. Lying is habit-forming. As Amanda, 14, says, "Once you start, it's hard to stop." The first one you get away with makes the next one that much easier. And did we mention habitual liars look like total idiots to people who are on to them? Some liars backpedal after letting one slip and try to cover up by giggling and quickly adding, "Oh, I'm only kidding!" But it's usually obvious when someone's trying to wrangle out of a fib.

3. Consumes tons of energy. Being a stellar liar takes hard work. You're juggling stuff all the time--what you said to whom and when. As Clara, 10, says, "I can never think fast enough when I try to lie. I get so confused that there's absolutely no way I can do it right." Is lying really something you want to get good at?" Your energy would be better spent reading a book, improving your piano or perfecting your jump shot.

4. Off-the-chart tension. Once you tell a lie, you often have to make up others to keep the first going. You must worry constantly about someone finding out. Can you keep your story straight, or will you trip up? Could your parents call other parents? Lissa and her friend Mariah, both 13, cooked up a scheme to tell their parents they were sleeping at each other's houses, but really they were hitting a coed sleepover given by an older boy. Lissa says, "Every time my Mom asked a simple question about the plans, I felt like I was going to throw up. For days, I was a nervous wreck." Is this level of stress truly worth it? Not to mention what happens if you're found out...

5. Hurts people. When people find out you lied, which is usually inevitable, they feel totally betrayed. Abby, 14, tells about when she went out with her BFF's ex: "They broke up, so I didn't feel bad about that. I just didn't want to tell Pasha because I thought she'd be upset. So I told her I was going out with somebody, but I didn't say his name. When Pasha found out, she went ballistic." When you "protect" your friend from the truth, she may get the idea you pity her. Rather than show her you care, your lie conveys disrespect and even scorn. Consider being up front from the start.

6. Hurts you more. Lies almost always come back to haunt you. Eventually, they make your problems worse. Going back to that concert fiasco--when you see your mom holding those ticket stubs, you're at a crossroad. If you tell more lies, you'll dig yourself in a deeper hole. Even if you apologize profusely, chances are you won't be going to any sleepovers anytime soon. How can your folks trust you? You've screwed up your credibility. It stinks when people lose faith in you.

7. Jeopardizes relationships. Even worse than loss of faith is losing friends. Mom and Dad may ground you, but doubt they'll say, "Adios!" Buds are another story. Telling a huge, hurtflil lie can end otherwise long and terrific friendships. Lucia, 13, found this out when trying out for a school play: "For weeks, I stressed to my friend Liz about how petrified I was that I wouldn't get a lead. Liz kept saying she wasn't trying out because she was going out for lacrosse. She even signed up for lacrosse clinics. When the cast list was posted, I felt like I'd been slapped across the face when I saw her name. Liz got the part I wanted!" Not only was Lucia furious, but she also felt foolish. She says, "I trusted her with my fear. She obviously didn't see our friendship the way I did."

Take a minute

Even if you try to be completely honest, an occasional lie will likely slip from your lips. You're human. Maybe you'll intend to come clean but chicken out. Or you'll just plain panic. But next time you're confronted with a direct question, you do have a choice: to lie or not to lie. As the seconds tick away, buy some time instead of blurting out a blatant fib. Say, "I want to talk about this as soon as I put down my backpack." What you gain in honesty is the satisfaction of being real. Even if it hurts a bit, most people prefer the real thing over what's fake.

The thing is, once a lie is told, it's out there. Like a horrendous comment, it's nearly impossible to take back. So think long and hard before you decide whether to take the path toward truth or untruth. It's up to you. Just don't complain if your nose starts growing.

WHEN PEOPLE LIE TO YOU

Everybody agrees on one thing: Chronic liars are sooooo aanoying! How to cope with a total poser? For starts, you can tell the truth. "I really like you, but it's upsetting when you make stuif up."

You may have to tell your friend it's hard to trust her or know when to believe her. A simple, "I'd much rather hear the truth," might do the trick.

There's no question--girls who lie to your face, talk behind your back or otherwise cause you to second-guess the friendship get tiresome pretty fast. Definitely don't confide your deepest, darkest secrets to an untruthful bud. If the lying continues, you may find yourself gravitating to girls who say it like it is. You may not always like what truthful people have to say, but at least you know where you stand with them.