TINSELTOWN SPYWITNESS.

Byline: Elizabeth Snead and Jenny Peters

AT HOME WITH SHARON AND OZZY: Elton John sang and played every glorious note of his private backyard performance on Thursday night, proving once again that he, at least, doesn't lip-sync during his performances - unlike Madonna, whom he outed for that crime earlier in the week.

The garden setting wasn't your average back yard, of course - it was the glitteringly beautiful Beverly Hills estate of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, the same one in which Ozzy often stumbles around during episodes of ``The Osbournes.'' It was transformed into a dinner-party space for a few hundred of their closest friends.

The night was all about giving, raising funds for both the Elton John AIDS Foundation and the Sharon Osbourne Colon Cancer Program at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, but it definitely wasn't your average charity party either.

``We're offering dinner with the Osbournes at their Malibu beach house, starting at $25,000,'' began live auction host Eric McCormack, and that's when it got kinky. When not one of the assembled multimillionaires - George Lucas, Robin Williams, Quincy Jones, Danielle Steel, Tori Spelling, Lance Bass, Joel Silver, to name just a few - stepped up to bid, McCormack added some spice. ``And a new item will be included,'' McCormack offered, ``Sharon Osbourne will (sleep with) you!''

Sweetening the pot did result in a $25,000 bid for the private dinner (but not from Lucas or Silver), but later Sharon set the record straight as she introduced Elton to the well-fed crowd. ``I'm not (sleeping with) anyone for $25,000!'' she shouted.

``I will!'' Elton chimed in with a laugh, proving that he's not that different from Madonna in some ways, but only when it is for a good cause.

TOUCHDOWN!: What do cake and candles have to do with football? Not a thing, but the two came together on Wednesday night as country singers Tim McGraw and Faith Hill celebrated their eighth wedding anniversary in the midst of the ``Friday Night Lights'' movie premiere after-party. McGraw gives quite a disturbing performance as an abusive father in the film.

New dad (and the movie's big star) Billy Bob Thornton partied at the Highlands in Hollywood with his mother and his girlfriend, Connie Angland, who gave birth to their daughter, Bella, last month. Having another kid (it is his fourth biological child, fifth if you count the son he adopted with Angelina Jolie) didn't faze the 49-year-old actor, but the idea of getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame the next morning definitely did.

``I guess it's supposed to be like, 'Wow, cool.' My first thought, my very first thought was, 'Am I that ... old?' I thought that was for dead guys!''

There were plenty of live young actors at the premiere who would love to get one of those stars someday, including Thornton's co-stars Lucas Black, Derek Luke, Jay Hernandez, Garrett Hedlund and Lee Thompson Young. That group of cuties makes up the main players on the Texas high-school football team that the fact-based film follows to the state championships.

Other star-worthy types at the premiere were David Duchovny, Garry Shandling, Brian Grazer, Michael Mann, Owen Wilson and the film's actor-turned-director Peter Berg, who spent the whole evening with a huge smile on his face. Funny what everyone loving your movie can do to a guy.

GROUNDS FOR LAUGHTER: Sex stories, men prancing around in their underwear, poignant memories of a slain comic genius - that yin and yang of experience could only be had in one place, at the Groundlings 30th Anniversary Gala held Tuesday night at the Henry Fonda Theatre in Hollywood.

It was Groundlings alum Will Ferrell who wandered the stage in his underwear, of course; that guy will get naked at the opening of a supermarket, let alone in front of all his pals. Oddly enough, fellow alum Paul Reubens kept all his clothes on as he presented Groundlings founder Gary Austin with a special award, as did most of the night's performers - Jon Lovitz, Chris Kattan, Cheryl Hines, Tim Stack and Mindy Sterling, all ex-Groundlings themselves.

Remembering talented member Phil Hartman brought a quiet moment to the raucous festivities, but then the appreciative audience roared back to life as Kathy Griffin made a promise.

``I just want to tell you a couple of things that I hope you think are a little bit sweet,'' she chortled, and then told the audience she would name all the Groundlings she had slept with. And she proceeded to do just that, shouting out to a number of guys in the crowd and causing bedlam in the place.

And capping off a night to remember (although we're still trying to forget those unbelievably uncomfortable wooden folding chairs) was Jennifer Coolidge, whose gut-bustingly funny ``Touch Me'' song-and-dance number, done in platinum wig and miniskirt, was proof positive that the Groundlings have plenty of comic life left in them to go another 30 years.

CAPTION(S):

2 photos

Photo:

(1) JOHN and SHARON OSBOURNE: His price is $25,000, hers somewhat higher.

Alex Berliner/Berliner Studio

(2) THORNTON, THORNTON and ANGLAND: It may sound like a law firm, but that's mom on one side of Billy Bob and girlfriend Connie on the other.

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com