TINSELTOWN SPYWITNESS.

Byline: Jenny Peters and Elizabeth Snead

EUROPEAN UNION: There wasn't a carpet full of big-name stars at the premiere of ``Eurotrip,'' a new road trip comedy about high-school kids traveling around Europe. Unless you're familiar with Scott Mechlowicz, Jacob Pitts, Kristin Kreuk and Nial Iskhakov.

Thought not. However, you may know Michelle Trachtenberg from ``Buffy the Vampire Slayer,'' and you might recognize Fred Armisen's name from the credits on ``Saturday Night Live.''

But there are some familiar faces in the funny film such as Matt Damon, Vinnie Jones (playing a soccer thug - what a stretch!), ``Xena: Warrior Princess'' Lucy Lawless and that ``Absolutely Fabulous'' boozy blond babe, Joanna Lumley.

Lawless looked more like a soccer mom at the Mann Chinese Theatre in a starched white shirt, black V-neck sweater and slacks. Kevin Smith turned up with his ``Clerks'' sidekick, Jason Mewes. Clean-as-a-whistle Jack Osbourne showed up in a brown leather jacket, jeans and a black rock T and showed off his new smaller, more sober hair (do they do hair at celeb rehabs?). And Trachtenberg, who's getting raves for her absinthe-stoked silly sex scene, looked tres tart in a lemon satin Valentino gown.

HIGH SCORING AFFAIR: The Playboy bunny was alive and well on Friday night at the Playboy Mansion, at the NBA All-Star party hosted by the oddest pair, the way tall Shaquille O'Neal and the surprisingly short Hugh Hefner. Bunnies in full costume - tails and all - wandered around the huge party set up on the mansion's lawn under tents.

Along with Shaq, who played at being the Italian gangster capo di tutti in his black fedora, white tie and black suit, were All-Stars Tim Duncan, Jermaine O'Neal, Ray Allen and Tracy McGrady, who all seemed to be enjoying the raucous hip-hop and rap tunes that blared in the packed main party room, just off the famous Grotto. We looked to see if there was any hanky panky going on in that steamy Jacuzzi room, but were disappointed to find only a few lonely beach balls floating across the empty waters.

But while no bimbos in bikinis (or less) were spotted frolicking in the pool, there were plenty of Playmates on hand, like Brande Roderick, Holly Madison, Ava Fabian and Natalia Sokolova, as well as celebrities like Tom Arnold, Crispin Glover, Seth Green and Star Jones, whose boyfriend Al Reynolds waited until Sunday's All-Star Game to pop the question. Guess he hadn't had enough of the Alize brandy drinks being handed out at Friday's party to have the courage to ask her there?

Other NBA favorites who turned up to try those brandy drinks and chow down on succulent steak, sushi and pasta included the Lakers contingent of Rick Fox, Derek Fisher and Luke Walton, but the most massive man we saw in the mix was heavyweight boxing champion Lennox Lewis, who at 38 just announced his retirement from the sport he dominated for years. And it seems that being at the Playboy Mansion NBA party is exactly in keeping with his plans for the near future.

``I just retired, so I'm just going to go to parties,'' Lewis jokingly shouted over the din. ``I am going to do absolutely nothing. Well, until I get bored. But nothing isn't really a part of my vocabulary, so I think I'll go into sports management, to help out the youths coming into boxing now.''

CAPTION(S):

3 photos

Photo:

(1) LAWLESS: Long cool woman in black pants.

(2) SMITH, MEWES: Jay and Silent Bob kick back.

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

(3) HEF, SHAQ and SHAUNIE O'NEAL: Can you dig it?

Arnold Turner/WireImage.com