TIMING'S STILL NOT RIGHT FOR 'VIEW FROM THE TOP'.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

HISTORY HAS NOT been kind to ``View From the Top.'' This comedy about a naive-but-plucky small-town girl who pursues her dream of becoming a top international flight attendant was conceived before Sept. 11, 2001, decimated even stupid people's hopes of good career opportunities in the airline business.

And now, after the film's release has been delayed longer than the latest effort to depose Saddam Hussein, it's coming out at a time when animus toward France is running at an all-time high. Why does this matter? Because our featherless heroine, Gwyneth Paltrow's Donna Jensen, has the specific goal to serve the first-class cabin on the glamorous New York-to-Paris route. Six months ago, why not? Today? Makes her seem even dumber than she's supposed to.

Frankly, though, no accident of history could do more damage to this movie than Eric Wald's listless, generic screenplay already has. Apparently discovered in some student scripting competition that needs to be halted immediately, the first-time writer never figured out whether he wanted to make a snarky send-up, an elementary romantic conflict (career or love: what a clever dilemma) or a you-go-girl empowerment fantasy. In the end, he failed at all three.

The daughter of an oft-divorced Vegas showgirl, Donna grew up in a desert-view trailer convinced that she would never get anywhere in life. Somehow, though, she manages to read a self-help book by celebrity super-stewardess Sally Weston (Candice Bergen, who gets the lioness' share of the film's four funny lines but is still wasted in a devoted mentor role). Inspired, Donna bluffs her way into a job on a sleazebag Fresno-to-Laughlin puddle jumper, despite the fact that she's never even flown before.

One panic attack later, she's bonded well with chest-inflated, tight-skirted veteran Sherry (Kelly Preston). Soon, even less-capable trainee Christine (Christina Applegate) joins the trio, and life is fine - especially when that cute Lake Havasu patrol Capt. Ted (``You Can Count on Me's'' Mark Ruffalo) ties up to the girls' houseboat.

But opportunities open at pretentious Royalty Airlines. Soon, Donna and Christine are studying at the organization's vast, ultramodern training campus under the watchful eye - he only has one that works, a joke that's repeated to distasteful effect - of genius flight-attendant trainer John Whitney (Mike Myers, glass eye constantly rolling, looking to get out).

Here, the driven Donna excels at her studies. Yet, when final grades are posted, she's assigned to a lowly commuter route out of Cleveland. But that turns out to be OK because - guess what? - cute Ted has coincidentally moved there, too. But dang, that nagging dream of Paris just won't die.

Things don't get any more interesting, unless you find some perverse pleasure in the sight of a class act like Paltrow struggling to play dimwitted and vulgar when those qualities simply are not within her to access.

Director Bruno Barreto, who hasn't made very good movies since he left Brazil sometime after ``Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands,'' doesn't help matters any by falling back on obvious rock anthems to impart the even more obvious emotional message of every key scene. As for the comedy timing of the piece, it's worse than an airport departure schedule during a security breech.

Come to think of it, that situation might possess more comic potential these days than anything the biplane-era ``View From the Top'' came up with.

VIEW FROM THE TOP - One and one half stars

(PG-13: language, sexual situations, mild violence)

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Applegate, Mark Ruffalo, Candice Bergen, Mike Myers, Kelly Preston.

Director: Bruno Barreto.

Running time: 1 hr. 27 min.

Playing: Wide release.

In a nutshell: Comedy about a dumb bunny who strives to become a first- class airline flight attendant never takes off.