TIME TO PUT 007 ON ICE.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

IN ``DIE Another Day,'' James Bond turns 40 and, from the looks of it, he's desperately trying to hide the fact that he's going through a midlife crisis.

It's not that the Bond movies need to be relevant, although the filmmakers behind ``Die Another Day'' make the occasional stab at topicality. (M to Bond: ``While you were away, the world changed.'') Even in the face of campy deconstructionists like Austin Powers and calculated knockoffs like ``XXX,'' there's still a place for the anachronistic spirit of 007, provided it's done right. But there's little that's right with the 20th film in this series.

Director Lee Tamahori was an unfortunate choice for director since a cursory look at his credits (``Mulholland Falls,'' ``The Edge,'' ``Along Came a Spider'') reveals a distressingly flat filmmaker lacking the grace and panache that's needed to keep Bond light on his feet. Working with screenwriters Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, who didn't exactly distinguish themselves on the last Bond entry, ``The World Is Not Enough,'' Tamahori has fashioned a tiresome movie that is at turns grim, overly violent and patently absurd.

The film finds Bond (Pierce Brosnan, still willing and able if given a better movie) once again trying to stop an evil mastermind intent on world domination. This time, in a nod to the axis of evil, it's Col. Moon (Will Yun Lee), a renegade North Korean who has issues with his father and a penchant for Western culture. (From the nature of his schemes, I'd guess he spent much of his youth watching ``Moonraker.'')

Bond chases the baddie from North Korea to Cuba to Iceland, where the action is centered in an opulent ice palace, the kind of place Doctor Zhivago and Lara might have stayed on their honeymoon. Along the way he meets the henchman Mr. Kil (Bond: ``Now there's a name to die for''), a distant beauty named Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike, delivering the film's one memorable supporting performance) and a bikini-clad American agent named Jinx (Halle Berry), who tells Bond at least a dozen times that she's so named because her relationships don't last long.

Berry looks great in a swimsuit, but she seems to be auditioning for ``Charlie's Angels 3'' here - and not doing a very good job of it, I might add. The wrinkle on Jinx is that she's supposed to be every bit as aggressive and predatory as Bond, which is fine if there's a trace of actual character development. But that's absent, and Berry's attempt at being a street-smart home girl (when Jinx kills a villain, she unconvincingly grits her teeth and calls her a bad name) is just plain silly.

Also silly are the terrible digital stunt effects, which look so fake that they take you right out of the movie. Add some pun-filled dialogue that is cringe-worthy even by Bond standards (Frost: ``I take it Mr. Bond has been explaining his Big Bang theory''; Jinx: ``I got the thrust of it''), a near absence of wit, a plodding pace and a grating title song from Madonna (we'll let her wooden cameo go without much comment), and you've got the worst Bond movie since the dark days of Dalton.

Loyalists will undoubtedly turn out in some form or other, but if Bond wants to live another day, the producers would do well to hand the franchise to a filmmaker of some merit. That and get rid of the invisible car - provided Bond can remember where he parked it.

DIE ANOTHER DAY - Two stars

(PG-13: action violence and sexuality)

Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Rosamund Pike.

Director: Lee Tamahori.

Running time: 2 hr. 9 min.

Playing: Wide release.

In a nutshell: Bond turns 40, but there's no reason to celebrate.

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Photo:

Pierce Brosnan, left, crosses swords with Toby Stephens in ``Die Another Day,'' the 20th film in the James Bond series.