THY `KINGDOM' FOR A NORSE.Byline: David Kronke TV Critic "Dark Kingdom: The Dragon King" feels like every legend you've every heard, assorted into a lazy melange mé·lange also me·lange n. A mixture: "[a] building crowned with a mélange of antennae and satellite dishes" Howard Kaplan. of cliches. There are modest heroes rising to greatness and Valkyrie queens and arrogant young rulers and a cursed treasure and dragons and wicked potions and icky blood rites and ancient curses and swordplay aplenty. And, of course, good old Max von Sydow, almost as weathered as these narrative chestnuts. The Sci Fi miniseries opens with propulsive, yelping-choir music and a narrator NARRATOR. A pleader who draws narrs serviens narrator, a sergeant at law. Fleta, 1. 2, c. 37. Obsolete. in stentorian sten·to·ri·an adj. Extremely loud: a stentorian voice. See Synonyms at loud. [After Stentor, a loud-voiced Greek herald in the Iliad. tones describing "a wondrous tale that captures the hearts of the people." Thanks, but we people will be the judge of that. Our hero is Eric (Benno Furmann), a blacksmith's apprentice (to von Sydow) unaware that he is the king of a vanquished territory. He encounters Brunhild (Kristanna Loken), mighty queen of Iceland, who sleeps with him simply because he was the first person able to wrestle her to the ground. Perhaps if others had known what the reward would be, they might've tried harder. The requisite romantic clinch out of the way, they part, vowing to reunite. "I will love you forever," she intones; "I promise I will come," he states, and they share one last chaste kiss. What follows is the usual deceit and blood lust and (pretty underwhelming un·der·whelm tr.v. un·der·whelmed, un·der·whelm·ing, un·der·whelms To fail to excite, stimulate, or impress: ) battle to the death with a dragon (the victor bathes himself in the victim's blood) and a smidgen of kinky foreplay foreplay /fore·play/ (for´pla) the sexually stimulating play preceding intercourse. fore·play n. The sexual stimulation that precedes intercourse. as forces conspire to separate Eric and Brunhild. "I will never know joy again," she declares to him at one point, and given how the story has been dragging at that point, you're inclined to agree with her. Director Uli Edel, who demonstrated little interest in subtlety in his Madonna movie "Body of Evidence," or the fairly similar miniseries "The Mists of Avalon," works with the same Norse mythology Wagner transformed into an opera and J.R.R. Tolkien adapted for "The Lord of the Rings," albeit to far lesser effect. David Kronke, (818) 713-3638 david.kronke(at)dailynews.com DARK KINGDOM: THE DRAGON KING - Two stars What: Not "based on a true story," as we've come to expect, but "based on a German myth": A lowly blacksmith discovers his true destiny, slays a dragon, but will he get the girl? Where: Sci Fi Channel Sci Fi Channel may refer to:
When: 9 tonight and Tuesday. In a nutshell: Overheated o·ver·heat v. o·ver·heat·ed, o·ver·heat·ing, o·ver·heats v.tr. 1. To heat too much. 2. To cause to become excited, agitated, or overstimulated. v.intr. cheese. Fondue, anyone? |
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