THIS X-RAY ON XFL IS X-RATED ... YOU GOT THAT?

Byline: KEVIN MODESTI

In honor of the XFL's Los Angeles debut, today we present a sports column in the spirit of America's dynamic new pro football league, a new kind of column that's daring and different and targeted for the non-traditional newspaper reader.

Call it Column X.

It won't be one of those sissy columns, the ones with the old-school ``information,'' ``insight'' and ``humor.''

It'll be sexy. It'll be rockin'. It'll be in-your-face. It'll have personality. It'll have attitude.

It won't be restrained by tradition. It'll change the rules of grammar. It'll break the rules of spelling. You ain't seen nuthing like it. (See?)

We're going to stretch the limits. Sometimes we might go over the line. A four-letter word, an off-color remark or an entire racy passage is bound to slip by the editors.

It won't be politically correct. It's guaranteed to offend. It's going to sting.

Parents, if you love your children you'll read it first to make sure it's suitable for their eyes. Kids, go ahead and read it no matter what your stuffy old mom and dad say.

Half the fun of Column X is that you never know what wild-and-craziness will happen next.

You won't just read it, you'll experience it. It won't be for the thin- skinned or the faint-hearted. The paper could cut your fingers and the ink could poison your blood.

You might love it. You might hate it. Maybe you're not man enough for it.

Of course, you'll have to read it to find out.

Now the hard part: Writing the column to match the hype. At this moment I sympathize with the promoters of the XFL.

They did a great job of tantalizing sports fans and television viewers with descriptions of a maverick league offering a wide-open and dangerous brand of football, R-rated cheerleaders, invasive camera angles and live-and-uncensored sound.

Now, can they live up to all that?

The answer, from what I saw last Sunday in San Francisco when the Los Angeles Xtreme lost its opener to the Demons 15-13, is that they can't, or couldn't without a little more practice.

This evening, the Xtreme plays its home opener at the Coliseum against the Chicago Enforcers. The question remains whether the XFL is an idea whose time has come and whose presentation will only get better - or a slickly packaged and cleverly marketed fraud.

The league is trumpeting the 9.5 Nielsen rating for its prime-time NBC broadcast of the New York/New Jersey Hitmen's 19-0 loss to the Las Vegas Outlaws last Saturday, and the average crowds of 35,000 for its four opening-week games.

The XFL had to be happy to see so many Demons-red souvenir jerseys on fans' backs at Pacific Bell Park, and hear the roar when the home team kicked the winning field goal at the gun. Bay Area writers were saying the cheers were as loud as when the Giants clinched the National League West last summer.

But what does the Week 1 response really mean? That America loves XFL entertainment? Or that the promise of a non-stop, on-the-edge action created irresistible curiosity? That the Demons somehow developed an emotional hold on San Francisco in one afternoon to equal what the Giants built in 40 years? Or that people who bought a ticket and a shirt figured they'd paid for a good time, and they were damned well going to have a good time?

The big first-time audience is good news for the league only if people weren't disappointed in what they saw.

The XFL's parent, Vince McMahon's World Wrestling Federation, puts on wrestling shows that offer a three-hour adrenaline rush. Fans (I'm told) don't go to the bathroom lest they miss something.

That wasn't the feeling at the XFL game. The ads suggested we'd see more explosive football, less bogged down in silly rules; frightening collisions because of the no-fair-catch rule; ``smackdown'' interviewers displayed on stadium video screens inspiring on-the-field brawls, and hotter-than-Dallas cheerleaders.

Most of the time it felt like any other football game. The much-debated punt rules seemed to make it safer, not rougher, for returners. Funny, the commercials didn't say anything about the rule keeping the offense at the line of scrimmage until the ball is kicked, and the rule keeping tacklers five yards from the returner until he makes the catch.

The XFL's name itself gave away the promoters' game. Officially, the ``X'' doesn't stand for anything. But you might say it stands for anything you want to imagine.

Now imagination has given way to reality. League officials are said to have been disappointed with the ``live'' shows at the stadiums, even though they were thrilled with the TV ratings.

Today we'll begin to find out what the fans really think.