THIS NOD'S FOR YOU (AND YOU, AND YOU, AND...).

Byline: Fred Shuster Music Writer

Grammys as doorstops, Grammys as paperweights. Fill a Grammy with birdseed and use it as a feeder.

The National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences is giving out so many Grammy Awards this year, your grandma is probably up for one.

Like an elementary school merit ceremony where every kid gets to take home something, almost every kid in the music industry got the biz's version of a gold star. Unlike Carlos Santana's sweep last year, no single artist dominated Wednesday's nominees.

Don't expect good playground behavior, though, when the 43rd annual awards are actually handed out. Potty-mouthed rapper Eminem, after all, scored with four nominations, including one in the top 10 categories, album of the year. He not only will probably show up at Staples Center on Feb. 21, but he'll be the cause of a good deal of the bleeping noise you'll hear that night.

Born Marshall Mathers, the 28-year-old Eminem is an inexplicable critics' favorite, which partly explains why Grammy voters fell sheepishly into line to nominate him.

It's almost as if nobody actually listened to Eminem's admittedly savvy-sounding ``The Marshall Mathers LP.'' If they had, how could the academy

overlook the gleefully graphic depictions of murder, rape, drug use and other mayhem?

``The Marshall Mathers LP'' is, ultimately, a novelty record. It's a not- very-funny comedy album that belongs in the cutout bins with Blowfly and other forgotten so-called party albums. Its incredible worldwide success only goes to illustrate the dire state of pop music in the new millennium.

But nobody could accuse Grammy of playing it overly safe this year, voters could have easily gone all out for platinum-selling teeny-bop stars Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, which thankfully missed notice in almost all the major categories. Only 'N Sync broke into a top category with a nomination for record of the year.

At last, the 1995 change in the recording academy's nomination process, which created small voting groups with expertise in the genres they're asked to consider, has paid off, giving Grammy some much-needed credibility in the major categories.

It's especially gratifying for genuine music fans to see, for example, Macy Gray and U2 in the record of the year list. Same goes for the album of the year nods, where such deserving acts as Beck, Radiohead, Paul Simon and Steely Dan share the spotlight. And in the kiss-of-death best new artist area, critically acclaimed, highly worthwhile female singers Jill Scott and Shelby Lynne (whose album sold relatively few copies) made the cut.

Predictably, there were some memorable bloopers among the nominees sure to bring puzzled smiles to anyone willing to go through this year's endless gray list.

Speaking of gray (hair, that is), you almost had to laugh to see good old Paul McCartney in the best alternative album list alongside Fiona Apple, Beck, the now-defunct Cure and Radiohead. The ex-Beatle ended up there because of his ``Liverpool Sound Collage,'' a little-heard remix project that also involved Welsh-language rockers the Super Furry Animals.

Additionally, there was one-shot novelty group the Baha Men competing with Moby in the best dance recording category. And, of course, what in the world was Bob Dylan doing in the male rock vocal performance category?

When you have so many darn trophies to give out, why not give Dylan an award for singing?

So many names were mentioned this year in Grammy's 100 categories that it must be a tremendous insult to absolutely anyone who ever picked up a Fender Stratocaster who happened to be left out in the cold.