THIS 'LONDON' IS QUITE THE TRIP.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

THE TITLE character of ``London'' is a memory, an ideal, an obsession.

Played, for most of the movie in flashback, by Jessica Biel, she was once the untrustworthy girlfriend of Syd (``Fantastic Four's'' Chris Evans), a jealous guy who, for some stupid plot reason, could never bring himself to say ``I love you.'' Oh, but how he did love her; in the six months since London dumped him, Syd's been on an extended bender of substance abuse and apartment-wrecking, self-lacerating rage.

When he hears that London is moving to California to be with her new boyfriend, Syd crashes her going-away party at a friend's Lower Manhattan loft. Once there, he commandeers an upstairs bathroom the size of a New York subway station, snorts approximately a ton of cocaine and - between rueful remembrances of the relationship's good times and bad - wails his angst at assorted revelers who pop in for a smoke, a line or to use the facilities.

The first feature from writer-director Hunter Richards, ``London'' equates a love jones with drug addiction - and is punishingly literal about it. I haven't seen so much nasty stuff ingested by so many people since ... well, college. But at least the folks like this that I used to know were kind enough to overdose at a certain point; here, they just keep talking. Or, more accurately, whining.

There is a lot of honest insight in the self-absorbed exchanges, though. Syd's main conversation partner is an older British guy, Bateman (Jason Statham), the evening's drug connection. Bateman has tales of sexual dysfunction and perversity that make the younger man's miseries seem quaint (which they are). That doesn't make Syd's feelings any less genuine, though. At the same time, both he and Bateman cross the line into too-much-information territory about as often as they do more damage to their nostrils.

More than sex and love gets discussed. There is much speed-freak speculation about the nature of God and other universal verities. And since the cavernous bathroom is equipped with wall-length, facing mirrors, a kind of Ingmar Bergman vibe gets struck, albeit one with MP3 Generation limits on attention span and philosophical depth.

Several lovely young actresses besides Biel in her steamy flashback scenes - ``Get Rich or Die Tryin's'' Joy Bryant, ``Wedding Crashers' '' Isla Fisher and ``The Aviator's'' Kelli Garner - misbehave as well. But they're angels of reason compared to ``London's'' screwed-up guys.

Some party. But if you find yourself stuck at it, at least there's more than enough going on here to hold your interest. How much fun you'll have, though, is strictly a bring-your-own proposition.

By the way, Evans, Biel and Statham all appeared in the enjoyably kooky 2004 thriller ``Cellular.'' This movie is not at all like that.

Bob Strauss, [phone]

bob.strauss(at)dailynews.com

LONDON - Two and one half stars

(R: drug use, language, sex, nudity)

Starring: Chris Evans, Jessica Biel, Jason Statham, Joy Bryant, Isla Fisher.

Director: Hunter Richards.

Running time: 1 hr. 32 min.

Playing: Laemmle One Colorado, Pasadena; Laemmle Sunset 5, West Hollywood; Edwards University Town Center 6, Irvine.

In a nutshell: Guy can't cope with his ex-girlfriend moving to California, spends her going-away party snorting drugs and whining in the bathroom. The movie's as self-indulgent as its subject, but not without some insight.