THERE IS NOTHIN' LIKE A REALITY GAME.

Byline: - David Kronke

EACH FIRST EPISODE of ``Survivor'' is so precisely like the others Mark Burnett should sue himself, rather than cheesy Fox imitators, for plagiarism. Here's the pertinent information you need to know about tonight's premiere of ``Survivor: Marquesas'':

--Time elapsed before a shot of someone puking: 30 seconds.

--Time elapsed before someone mentions ``alliances'': 17 minutes, 30 seconds.

There's also the requisite troubled trek to each tribe's base camp, with the usual grousing about teammates, and the requisite ineptitude in starting the fire, even though the groups have been given a magnifying glass. (They won't, we're told, ever be given matches, however, or even food for that matter, though fruit and even wildlife seem in ample supply.) And, of course, the immunity challenge offers the usual phalanx of canoes, torches, etc.

Burnett returns to an exotically monikered island this time around: Nuku Hiva in the South Pacific. The locale is very pretty, as are the tribe members, a significant and pointed aesthetic improvement over the ``Survivor: Africa'' folks, as if that's the reason far fewer viewers were engaged by that installment.

As tonight's show begins, the Rotu tribe seems beset by bickering and incompetence; the Maraamu tribe meets its challenges head-on. Credit Hunter, a rugged pilot for a courier service, has his name mentioned repeatedly in tonight's episode, which seems yet a new way to shoehorn product placement into the series (a real-estate agent's firm, for example, gets no mention).

Other cast members of note: Attitudinal Sean, who mentions ``I'm from the 'hood'' twice in the first 15 minutes; preening Sarah, whose torso and skull appear to be pneumatically inflated; and New-Agey Peter, a bowling alley owner who looks to be the butt of every castaway's joke for the duration of his stay, so I'll leave the insults to the others.

Tonight's episode is fairly mild by ``Survivor'' standards - the bickering seems halfhearted and amped up only for our amusement. Sean's shtick is vaguely amusing, the whoops of glee and/or triumph are still annoying. For comic relief, Burnett resorts to laying in yodeling and bluegrass music behind a scene in which a contestant chases after a rooster. To ensure its long-term survival, ``Survivor'' might want to conjure up a few new tricks.

SURVIVOR: MARQUESAS - Two stars

What: ``South Pacific'' sans songs, Mark Burnett style.

Where: CBS (Channel 2)

When: 8 tonight.