THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT CAMERON IS IT THE BURP? THE GUFFAW? WHATEVER. THE STAR OF 'THE SWEETEST THING' SHOWS WHY EVERYONE LIKES HER.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Writer

YOU CAN TELL a lot about a person by looking at what's on her desk. Take Cameron Diaz, for instance. The 29-year-old actress says she's not into awards and accolades, yet right there, prominently displayed right next to the bills and mail and magazines on her desk in her beautiful Hollywood Hills home, is a big old trophy, won for - ``best female burp in a major motion picture.''

``Best burp overall, baby!'' Diaz corrects. ``Don't discriminate. There are no categories. I took the whole thing.''

Diaz is talking about winning the Nickelodeon kids' TV network's first celebrity burp-off contest, the victory that garnered her the prized award that graces her desk. Such talk, too, can reveal much about a person.

``I chugged a Diet Coke right before going on,'' Diaz says. ``I think they might have been rigged because I don't think I performed that well. They may have added some effects to it. The worst thing was that I only got out a little bit in the beginning ... and then 20 minutes later, I was walking backstage and it was like, 'Bwaaaaaaaap!'. So I thought, 'I've got to chug it before I get there. Be prepared! Know my lines!' ''

Conclusion?

One may note three things from this:

1. Diaz likes to belch. Peter and Bobby Farrelly, who directed her so memorably in the gross-out comedy ``There's Something About Mary,'' call Diaz ``Grace Kelly with gas.'' Diaz does not dispute this and admits that's she's not above a little flatulence, too. ``Although, I have to say that I threaten a lot more than I actually release,'' she adds. ``But I do like to share the internal affairs of my body with people.''

2. Diaz is a perfectionist. Just as she believes her Nickelodeon belch wasn't up to par, she believes that all of her films and - more specifically - all of her performances could have been better. Her latest movie is a girls' version of ``Mary'' called ``The Sweetest Thing.'' Diaz doesn't belch in the film, but she does dance her in underwear to ``Escape (The Pina Colada Song),'' channel Olivia Newton-John in ``Grease'' leather and share an intimate scene in bed with male co-star Thomas Jane that involves a hot fudge sundae.

She performs all these things with the kind of aplomb you'd expect from an actress who inhabited a cage with an orangutan in ``Being John Malkovich'' and made hair gel fashionable again in ``There's Something About Mary.'' And yet, Diaz is not satisfied.

``I've seen the movie with an audience, and I'm going, 'It's not that funny,' '' Diaz says. `` 'It could have been funnier. If you had only known.' But everyone seems to think it's funny, so I guess it's OK.''

Which brings us to ...

3. Diaz's appeal crosses gender, age and class. Which is why Sony Pictures paid her $15 million to star in ``The Sweetest Thing'' and why it's ponying up $20 million to lure her back for ``Charlie's Angels 2.'' Men love her because she's a babe who belches, a woman who confesses to know every aisle of her neighborhood hardware store. Women love her because, even though she's a babe and a former model, she seems real. She's not prissy. Kids, they like burping, too, and the fact that when she laughs, it's not a dainty titter, but a hearty guffaw, the laugh of someone who knows how to have fun.

Break time

And Diaz has been having fun, all right, mostly because for nearly a year now, she hasn't been working. After making 18 movies since bursting on the scene opposite Jim Carrey in the 1994 comedy ``The Mask,'' Diaz decided enough was enough and pulled the plug. Since finishing ``The Sweetest Thing'' last June, Diaz hasn't read a script, talked to her agent or taken a meeting.

So what has she done?

``Publicity,'' she jokes. And, yes, she was on the road a lot, promoting the monster hit ``Charlie's Angels'' and the misunderstood ``Vanilla Sky,'' of which she says: ``It was an art film. But it was sold as a big Tom Cruise movie. And people don't like to be tricked like that.''

She has also spent a ton of time with her boyfriend of two years, actor Jared Leto, and hung out with her mom and dad at their Seal Beach home, not far from where she grew up in Long Beach. It must be noted, though, that her early years were spent not near any beach in Long Beach, but where the 405 and 710 freeways meet. ``We had train tracks on one side, the L.A. River basin on another and freeways on the other two,'' Diaz says. ``Still, it was a great place to live because my parents made it so.''

This, too, explains much. As Diaz's ``Sweetest Thing'' director Roger Kumble notes, Diaz doesn't come to the set toting ego and attitude. And while most directors routinely say this, whether or not it's true, Kumble has not one trace of irony in his voice when he says, ``Someone raised her right. Because if I was that big and earned that much money, I'd be insane. I chalk it up to great family values.''

Dark 'Angel'

Which doesn't mean that Diaz is Little Miss Sunshine all the time. She calls herself a cynic, but in doing so, seems to be recognizing that quality about herself so she can leave it behind. Or at least not be encumbered by it. Still, Diaz cautions anyone who thinks that she's playing herself in, say, ``Mary'' or ``Charlie's Angels'' to think again.

``In 'Charlie's Angels,' I'm playing Drew (Barrymore) and Drew is playing me - we switched places,'' Diaz says. ``I mean, I wish I could be so loving and so giving and full of happiness, but that's not me. I can only be so nice. But there's a point where you have to protect yourself.''

Diaz extends that philosophy to her career. That's why, when she chooses movies, Diaz almost always goes for ensemble pieces. She'll gladly grab a supporting role in a movie directed by Oliver Stone (``Any Given Sunday''), Spike Jonze (``Malkovich''), Cameron Crowe (``Vanilla Sky'') or Martin Scorsese (the upcoming ``Gangs of New York'') than sign on for some run-of-the-mill star vehicle that will give her prime screen time but nothing interesting to do.

Even ``The Sweetest Thing,'' which Sony is selling as ``a Cameron Diaz movie,'' is really a group effort with Diaz sharing the spotlight with co- stars Christina Applegate and Selma Blair.

``Cameron and I were good from the get-go,'' Applegate says. ``But then, I had met her years ago at Fred Segal. I was shopping for shoes to wear to the 'Armageddon' premiere. I saw Cameron, asked her for tips, and she had a wealth of information. In my book, anyone who knows so much about shoes has got their act together.''

Diaz nearly falls out of her chair when Applegate's words of praise are repeated.

``I do know shoes,'' she confirms, laughing. ``Denim? I'm an expert. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of life, but at least I have a base camp from which to operate.''

CAPTION(S):

3 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) burping beauty

`The Sweetest Thing' star Cameron Diaz lets loose

(2) Cameron Diaz recognizes her dream guy (Thomas Jane) from his bus-bench ad and then later has a rendezvous with him and a hot-fudge sundae, giving a whole new meaning to the title ``The Sweetest Thing.''(3) ``I mean, I wish I could be so loving and so giving and full of happiness, but that's not me. I can only be so nice.''

- Cameron Diaz, comparing herself to acting pal Drew Barrymore