THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL WTA 'EVENT' SIGNALS NEW CINDERELLA STORY.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Apparently, because someone felt a responsibility to those few who already bought tickets or the fact a tour bus had booked a behind-the-scenes package to see the inside of the Lakers' locker room, Staples Center had its doors open Saturday afternoon and was allowing people to come in to watch three tennis matches take place under the guise of something called the WTA Tour Championships.

Sorry to bust up your backhand, Anastasia, but the deal's already been decided.

The night before, OK, there was this girl from Belgium named Justine Henin-Hardenne, and after smacking the ball a few times past Jennifer Capriati she won, and according to this computer that knows everything about tennis, that means she's the new No. 1 player in the world - which includes the United States - and she gets to keep wearing that crown until next season starts.

Hope there's no more misunderstanding. Thanks for coming out. Drive home safely.

For anyone thinking about refunds on tickets that started at $25, that all means that whatever happened Saturday, and whatever happens today, and whatever sort of big deal they try to stage Monday night, it's all one big charade.

All the people with WTA badges scurrying around the bowels of Staples Center on Saturday will insist there's still $1 million of the organization's money to hand over to whomever comes out as the winner of this year-end, round-robin square dance.

That's fine for someone trying to climb the ladder of stardom in women's tennis and make some kind of name for themselves. But this weekend, Henin-Hardenne reached a new level in the WTA fame game.

It's now official: Without any reservation, this 21-year-old can now put on tight-fitting, swanky cocktail dresses that she designed, throw on some big pink pumps and glue in hair extensions and invite people to her own fashion shows, do cameo appearances in TV series and carry on with talk-show hosts, sit courtside at whatever sporting event she cares to attend, date NFL star players and even, if it catches her fancy, be a presenter at the ESPY Awards.

Ain't that right, Serena?

'Cause the way it's lookin' from here, you've just become yesterday's news.

So, considering how you spent this week off the court instead of on it trying to reclaim your title, it was probably a good thing you agreed to show up on ``The Best Damn Sports Show Period'' Friday night - yup, it's still on - and tell John Salley that your motto is ``You can't play good if you don't look good,'' and then pick pro football games against laugh-a-minute Tom Arnold (even if it meant taking Carolina over Tampa Bay because, and we quote, ``I don't know if the Bucs have it this season,'' which must have been expertly extracted from some late-night pillow talk with Keyshawn Johnson yet is now open for public consumption).

And it also was astute to go from there to do Jimmy Kimmel's show later and deftly avoid letting the host rub your injured knee and then show a lot of restraint when Andy Dick blurted out how he thought you were ``built like a brick house,'' and he inquired about a chance you'd consider being Serena Dick.

But now, the glass slipper is gone, my dear. Put the pumpkin back where you found it.

When those final women's tennis rankings come out in a few days, Serena Williams will be lucky to stay around No. 3. Her sister, Venus, who also decided that because of physical ailments could not participate at this important event, hopes to stay somewhere around No. 7. Dad can't do anything to help that.

Fact is, on the current list of Williams women with star power, you two might not even be Nos. 1 and 2 any more. We're tempted to throw both Vanessa Williamses, Natashia Williams (``She Spies''), Ashley Williams (``Good Morning Miami''), Kimberly Williams (the one who used to date Pete Sampras, no less), JoBeth Williams, Cindy Williams and even Esther Williams into the computer to see how things sort out.

But really, none of that matters anymore.

Even if the newspaper advertisements the WTA is using this weekend for the tournament lends to some confusion over where you stand next to Kim Clijsters, the organization announced Saturday that Queen Justine was voted player of the year by a record 30,000-plus tennis fans on an Internet poll, taking 36 percent to trounce Monica Seles (23 percent) and Capriati (16). Where either of the Williams sisters finished, we weren't told.

Here's to you, J-Hen-Har. Maybe none of us could pick you out of a lineup of waitresses at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles at 2 in the morning, but based on what we've seen in this town of fairy tales, your life as the WTA poster girl is only going to get nuttier from here on.

And consider yourself warned about Andy Dick.

CAPTION(S):

5 photos, box

Photo:

(1) no caption (John Gagliardi)

(2) MARK MESSIER

(3) DEION SANDERS

(4) CHARLES WOODSON

(5) - comedian George Lopez

Box:

Sunday PUNCH