THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL TODAY, IT'S WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Kids, it's a crazy, mixed-up world out there. Who knows who or what to believe any more?

Then comes this obnoxious April Fool's Day every year.

Pal, just stamp me stupid and go waste someone else's time.

It's tough enough to figure out what's a real piece of sports news and what isn't. Here, we'll show you. Read these, and guess whether it's true or just another April 1 prank:

--Heard of a new a sport called Slamball?

There's a basketball court with four trampolines built in around each hoop. And the rest of the court is on springs. And there's this 12-foot Plexiglas wall to keep the ball in play. And two teams play, four-on-four, full contact. And it'll be on TV this summer.

True

It sounds like the sequel to ``BaseKetBall,'' but the guy who came up with it, Mason Gordon, bounced the idea off Tollin/Robbins Productions, so now there's a tournament in Los Angeles that'll be taped to air on TNN.

If I'm a Disney lawyer, I'd be considering a ``Flubber'' infringement lawsuit right now.

--The U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association began its 10th season last weekend with the Houston Grand Mowdeo.

True.

They call it ``America's Fastest Mowing Sport,'' and it's a sanctioned event in 17 states (not California, yet) plus Canada. So even Mike Tyson can apply for a license to compete on the 15-race circuit on the official Web site (www.letsmow.com).

--Someone is raising money to have a cake made in the shape of Brooklyn's old Ebbets Field.

True.

This month, the 2-foot-high after-dinner mint (nonedible, unfortunately) that'll be created by internationally recognized confectionery artist William Robert Steele can be viewed at Pasadena's Jackie Robinson Center.

It was commissioned by the Monrovia-based Baseball Reliquary, which is supported in part by a grant from the Los Angeles County Arts Commission.

So there's your dessert tax dollars at work. Now bring us some figgy pudding.

--Since Tony Gwynn has retired, the player with the highest active career batting average coming into this season is a twice-traded, slow-footed catcher who never has won a batting title.

True.

That Piazza kid out in New York is swattin' it at a .325 clip. He'll stick with some team soon.

--Milwaukee Bucks coach George Karl doesn't wear underwear when he's on the sidelines.

True.

So reports Esquire magazine. As if anyone, including his ballplayers, needed that kind of distraction.

--If you smack someone on the golf course with a wild shot, don't worry. They can't sue you.

True.

A golfer in New Jersey recently lost an appeal of a lawsuit seeking damages after he was struck in the head by another player's shot.

The decision was based on the opinion that unless a golfer hits the shot while acting recklessly, or demonstrates willful indifference to the safety of others, the injured person gets no relief from the courts.

The appellate judge ruled that ``inept execution ... hardly bespeaks recklessness.'' The judge who dismissed the original suit determined that bad shots are not just part of the game, but ``even the essence of the game in some ways.''

He's gotta be wearing knickers under the robe.

--Tiger Woods is dating Jesper Parnevik's former nanny.

True

So if Jesper is in his 30s, that must make her ...

Uh, she used to watch his four kids, you twit, not him.

Parnevik introduced 22-year-old Elin Nordegren to Woods at last year's British Open. They're awaiting formal approval from Nike if they can be seen together.

--A horse named EyesWideOpen won the ninth race at Santa Anita on Saturday - while wearing blinders.

False.

He finished third.

See, don't go believing everything. Keep your eyes open.