THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL TIGER, WHERE ART THOU?

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Tiger Woods, why hath thou abandoned us on such a glorious weekend in the Palisades?

John Ziegler, the self-anointed pastor of the largely fictitious "First Church of Tiger Woods," will continue to ponder that as he watches today's final round of the PGA Tour's Nissan Open, trying to look at the big picture beyond his TV screen.

"The fact he chooses to blow off Los Angeles -- the City of Angels, his hometown, the place where it all started for him -- at first glance may not be evidence to indicate the existence of his divinity," Ziegler offered from his Burbank sanctuary. "But this being a religion, it's always possible to rationalize your way out of any convenient fact."

Who else but Ziegler should we all turn to in this time of emptiness? Not just for some powerful reflection, but in a desire to re-evaluate how we've all come to commit an inordinate amount of adoration to this 31-year- old son of Earl and Kultida Woods, who's just a bit prodigal right about now.

First, Ziegler cautions that despite the name of his church's Web site, www.TigerWoodsIsGod.com, "we've never stated that he's God, we are only posing the question and acting as a warehouse for evidence that he is."

Referring to himself as "a recovering Catholic" who studied government, theology and philosophy at Georgetown, the 39-year-old Ziegler somehow started a career as a TV sportscaster. As one who "became jaded by professional athletics, I am not one to glorify sports figures," he admits on his Web site bio.

Yet, his inspiration to create this cybershrine came after reading in a 1996 Sports Illustrated story that Earl had dubbed young Eldrick "the Chosen One" who "will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity."

Ziegler, already struggling with his own beliefs, found the solitary, soulful confinement of the golf course as the only place to find occasional signs there was some order in the universe.

If Woods wasn't God, Ziegler figured, at least he was "a human lab experiment to determine the potential of our species. ... If an intrinsically flawed human being can defy our profound limitations and achieve true physical, mental and spiritual perfection, then maybe it is possible to find some meaning in this existence."

Before this begins to segue into a sequel of Monty Python's "Life of Brian," plenty of naysayers have logged votes on a site poll, calling Ziegler's church blasphemous (42 percent of 16,000, versus 34 percent who think it's "fun" and 18 percent who call it "stupid"). Asked the chances that Woods has been sent to us by God, 42 percent of 11,600 say "none."

Ziegler says his site is "some hero worship. Some comedy. A serious point about religion and celebrity in our culture. Tiger may not be God, but I will say there's no human being with more evidence that'll make you think about it than Tiger."

That said, Ziegler, who does a weeknight talk show on 640-AM and maintains a 2-handicap at Oakmont Country Club in Glendale, admits to being disturbed that talk of a Tiger Slam has been twisted into slamming Tiger for his unexplained absence at Riviera Country Club, a place he's never won and appears to be abstaining from to preserve his seven-tournament PGA stroke-play winning streak.

"I don't have the power to absolve him," Ziegler notes. "But I am disappointed, because I happen to be someone who thinks loyalty is one of the most important qualities one can have. Frankly, I think he owes the tournament from having pulled out last year after somewhat dubious circumstances. And with everything else, I think he has an extra obligation because this is where his learning center is located.

"I don't think he's ducking this, but that's the way it looks and it's a real shame. His schedule has always been mysterious, but this is a mystery to me. But maybe Tiger has reached a point where he's just a little too powerful for the Tour. And power in the hands of any person, if only partially human, is a dangerous thing.

"We must remember this is his life, and his life doesn't belong to us. Sometimes we feel like it does. So it's hard to question him."

So our question then: What do those of us who cleared our L.A. weekend for Tiger do now?

Don't fight the temptation of watching the NBA All-Star Game out there in Vegas. You can't discount the chance of Tiger revealing himself while living it up in Sin City.

CAPTION(S):

4 photos, 2 boxes

Photo:

(1) John Ziegler felt compelled to create the "First Church of Tiger Woods" after reading a 1996 Sports Illustrated story about Woods.

(2) BEYONCE

(3) MIKE KRZYZEWSKI

(4) TIM HARDAWAY

Box:

(1) sunday punch

(2) The Pop Quiz