THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL THANKS FOR THE MULLIGANS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

He was born three weeks before Lou Gehrig in 1903. He fought as an amateur boxer under the name Packy East.

In the '40s and '50s, he even owned a small share of his hometown team, the Cleveland Indians, who had a night in his honor Friday. He even flew back from a trip to Paris in 1993 to be there for the team's last game played at Municipal Stadium before the building of Jacobs Field.

But Bob Hope, fortunate enough to reach birthday No. 100 last Thursday, will always be most linked to the links.

He's hosted a PGA Tour stop at five courses in the Palm Springs area every January since 1960, first won by Arnold Palmer (with four repeats) and most recently by eventual Masters champ Mike Weir. He wrote a best-selling book almost 20 years ago titled ``Confessions of a Hooker: My Lifelong Love Affair With Golf.''

Yet he once said: ``I've done as much for golf as Truman Capote has done for sumo wrestling.''

The longtime Toluca Lake resident, who loved to make the loop at Lakeside Country Club when he was more agile, has been given credit for enough quips about the sport over the years to fill a toastmaster's monologue.

In his honor - and since we consider it an achievement to shoot his age when we grab the sticks for entertainment purposes - we use this space to relive some of the best:

--On his career: ``Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.''

--On his game: ``I play golf in the 80s. Any hotter, I won't play.''

--On golf's place in sport: ``If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.''

--Comparing golf to other sports: ``Bowling has one advantage over golf. You rarely lose the ball.''

--On why he'll never give up the game: ``I have too much invested in sweaters.''

--On his choice of equipment: ``Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.''

--On being inducted into golf's Hall of Fame: ``It's a great honor. I didn't know they had a caddy division.''

--On his frustrations with the game: ``I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.''

--On former President Gerald Ford's ability: ``We have 51 courses in Palm Springs. He never decides which course he will play until after his first tee shot.''

--On playing golf with presidents: ``The Secret Service is in front of you, but the worst part is the Marines are digging sand traps for your balls.''

--On Arnold Palmer: ``He's the biggest crowd-pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.''

--On playing with Rev. Billy Graham: ``We're a lot alike. He prays and I cheat.''

--On cheating: ``Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?''

--On the PGA Senior Tour: ``I'm waiting for the Senile Skins Game.''

--On receiving 90 golf balls with the inscription ``Happy Birthday Bob'' for his 90th birthday: ``Now when I hit one in the water, the fish will know who to send it back to.''

--On Pebble Beach: ``It's Alcatraz with grass.''

--On why golf is a funny game: ``It's done much for health and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.''

--In closing: Maybe the best quote didn't come directly from Hope, but from longtime friend and PGA Tour member Jimmy Demaret, who was his teammate at Bing Crosby's Clambake at Pebble Beach one year.

Hope hooked his tee shot on the first hole out of bounds. Demaret responded: ``That's OK. There's always next year.''