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THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL NO PLACE ON PRIME TIME.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Tom Hoffarth can be reached at tomhoffarth(at)dailynews.com and (818) 713-3661.

The World Wrestling Federation and the Washington Wizards Freakshow. Only in America.

The World Wrestling Federation's headline performer is The Rock.

The Washington Wizards Freakshow's headline performer, Michael Jordan, loves to throw up the rock.

The World Wrestling Federation also has ``Stone Cold'' Steve Austin (3:16) and The Undertaker.

The Washington Wizards Freakshow goes stone cold when M.J. starts throwing up the rock. Like hitting 3 of 16. That's when they call for the undertaker.

The World Wrestling Federation has a popular TV show each week called ``Smackdown!''

The Washington Wizards Freakshow is a weekly popular TV series, in which M.J. and his pals often get smacked down.

The World Wrestling Federation used to be in bed with NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol when they tried to run the XFL. It was awful.

The Washington Wizards Freakshow is currently in bed with NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol, who tries to get Jordan on his network as much as possible. It is awful.

The World Wrestling Federation is fixed.

The Washington Wizards Freakshow can't be fixed. But when Jordan catches wind of a fix, he's off to Atlantic City to drop half a mil.

The World Wrestling Federation lost $47 million this year.

The Washington Wizards Freakshow has lost eight in a row going into tonight's game against ... does it really matter?

So, other than that, we see no common thread. ...

--And those $175 floor seats for the Wiz's games at the MCI Center can be had for much below face price on the ticket-broker grapevine, if you're in the DC area and are bored out of your mind. ...

--The NBA fashion police who fined, among others, Shaq and Kobe $5 grand apiece for wearing shorts that hung too low, said it had to be done to ``protect the integrity of the uniform.''

Have they seen the tops and bottoms that the Wizards have to wear each game? ...

--Update on Mario Lemieux's comeback season: One goal in 11 games, and the Pens have inked eight wins in 19 games with the worst power play in the league going into Friday night. ...

--The Nuggets dropped Isaiah Rider this week because they had too many shooting guards and they couldn't give him enough minutes. Finally, an excused absence that'll look good on the resume. ...

--Sat next to Chan Ho Park the other night at a Lakers game. A true L.A. fan, he arrived late and left early but was around long enough to finish off a horrendous plate of Staples Center nachos and an equally disgusting- looking hot dog. ...

--So the D'backs have been talking to free-agent John Smoltz about joining their starting rotation. Even thought they could use him more in the bullpen. ...

--Cal looks ready to take on Nebraska. ...

--NBC executive producer Tom Roy, on why he gets more of a kick watching pro bull riding (which his network will air live Sunday) over stock car racing: ``In NASCAR, if you wreck a car, the car doesn't chase after you.'' ...

--The Kings want to set a Guiness World Record for most fans with painted hair, so they've set up people with silver and purple spray cans at each entrance starting at 11 a.m. for today's 1 o'clocker vs. San Jose.

We all thought we'd never see the current record, whatever it is, broken in our lifetimes. ...
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Copyright 2001, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Title Annotation:Sports
Publication:Daily News (Los Angeles, CA)
Date:Nov 24, 2001
Words:576
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