THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL IF YOU CAN DO BETTER, BYALL MEANS, BRING IT ON.Byline: TOM HOFFARTH On the most super of Saturdays in college football, when old oaken buckets and bronze pigs and apple cups are fought for, when games that are simply called ``The Game'' has everyone's attention, USC An abbreviation for U.S. Code. faced off against ... Fresno Who? A team full of whim and Pinegar, whose fans were literally selling off parts of the farm so they could afford an entrance pass into the Coliseum for what amounted to be the seats in the upper reaches of the peristyle entrance that are otherwise covered with tarp and have limited access to port-a-pottys. Where was UCLA UCLA University of California at Los Angeles UCLA University Center for Learning Assistance (Illinois State University) UCLA University of Carrollton, TX and Lower Addison, TX ? It had the week off. Apparently, it tried to schedule Cal State Northridge to fill the hole in its schedule, but no one over in the Matadors' football office would return their calls. The TV Gods, as they're apt to do when there's more money to be made, misdirected the USC-UCLA perfect storm and unceremoniously pushed the annual shindig shin·dig n. 1. A festive party, often with dancing. Also called shindy. 2. See shindy. [Probably alteration of shindy. back to Dec. 3. Now it can set the table for the annual Big 12 championship game that'll wrap up the regular season and confirm, if everyone follows script, the Rose Bowl invitations for undefeated USC and Texas. The silver lining silver lining n. A hopeful or comforting prospect in the midst of difficulty. [From the proverb "Every cloud has a silver lining". in all of this - there'll be two weeks of preparation before ``The `Wood vs. the `Hood.'' And two weeks of verbal jousting jousting Medieval Western European mock battle between two horsemen who charged at each other with leveled lances in an attempt to unseat the other. It probably originated in France in the 11th century, superseding the mêlée, in which mock battles were held between . Take my knife and twist it. Please. As we solicit the best and not-so-worst jokes about USC and UCLA, allow us to throw out the first barb barb-, a combining form used to indicate derivatives of barbituric acid. Barb 1. originally a distinct line of black Australian kelpies, but now the term is generally applied to any black kelpie. 2. , and don't stop us if you've heard this one already: A UCLA student is sitting at one of those trendy bars in Century City. A USC student on the next stool starts up a conversation. ``Hey, Bruin, let's have a little game,'' he says. ``I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If not, you buy me one.'' ``You're on,'' said the UCLA student. ``OK. My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?'' The UCLA student thinks and thinks. He scratches his head. He takes out his calculator. He's just about to get on his cell phone to call his dorm advisor until he says, ``I give up, who was it?'' ``It was me,'' chortled the USC student. So the UCLA student shook his head and paid for the drinks. Back in Westwood, the UCLA student joins a few friends at another drinking establishment. He spots a gullible friend. ``Larry,'' he says, ``I got a riddle for you. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you buy me one.'' ``Fair enough,'' Larry says. ``OK, my father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?'' ``Search me,'' said Larry. ``I give up. Who was it?'' ``It was a guy in Century City.'' --One of them wacky FM radio stations in Lexington, Ky., somehow found a way to draw attention to itself thanks to the ineptitude Ineptitude See also Awkwardness. Brown, Charlie meek hero unable to kick a football, fly a kite, or win a baseball game. [Comics: “Peanuts” in Horn, 543] Capt. Queeg incompetent commander of the minesweeper Caine. of the University of Kentucky The University of Kentucky, also referred to as UK, is a public, co-educational university located in Lexington, Kentucky. football team. Before the season started, the station rented a billboard in town and had a fairly attractive (by Kentucky standards) female going by the name ``Kitten'' stretch out across it. The promise was that for every Wildcats victory, she'd lose an article of clothing. After a Kentucky win over Idaho State in week two, Kitten lost her long-sleeve T-shirt - only to reveal a short-sleeved T-shirt with the station logo on underneath. After a Kentucky win over Mississippi State in week seven, Kitten lost her red pumps. This was obviously going no where fast. After Kentucky toppled Vanderbilt last week, Kitten was supposed to show up Friday with only her tight blue jeans blue jeans also blue·jeans pl.n. Clothes, especially pants, made of blue denim. blue jeans npl → tejanos mpl; vaqueros mpl and a bra. But when the locals in the Bible belt Bible belt n. Those sections of the United States, especially in the South and Middle West, where Protestant fundamentalism is widely practiced. Bible belt protested to the billboard company, the radio station decided that Kitten would pose as she wished only on the station's web site. Only those 18 and older could view it. Just so you know, kids, you aren't missing much. Unless Ashley Judd Ashley Judd (born April 19, 1968) is an American actress. She is perhaps best known for her leading roles in a series of late 1990s and early 2000s thrillers, including Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy and High Crimes. is talked into doing the same for every game that the Kentucky basketball team wins, we've stopped paying attention Noun 1. paying attention - paying particular notice (as to children or helpless people); "his attentiveness to her wishes"; "he spends without heed to the consequences" attentiveness, heed, regard . --Up until a few years ago, the 2005 USC football schedule included Temple. The Owls wisely backed out. The last thing Temple needed was to face the Trojans, when you look at it. Before losing to Navy on Saturday to close out an 0-11 season, the Owls put on some embarrassing performances against Arizona State (63-16), Wisconsin (65-0), Bowling Green (70-7), Miami (34-3), Clemson (37-7), and Virginia (51-3) - resulting in coach Bobby Wallace announcing that he won't seek renewal of his contract. Sounds like a job better suited for John ``Get In There And Smack Someone'' Chaney anyway. CAPTION(S): 4 photos, box Photo: (1) NED COLETTI (2) VLADE DIVAC (3) KURT BUSCH (4) - An official at the scorer's table, to Denver Nuggets Nuggets can refer to several branches of interest:
Box: SUNDAY PUNCH - Matthew Kredell |
|
||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion