THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL IF PRICE IS NO OBJECT, WHO CAN REALLY OBJECT?

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Some nut paid almost $1 million at an auction the other day for the yellowed, five-page contract that recorded the $100,000 sale of Babe Ruth from the Boston Red Sox to the New York Yankees in 1919.

``I was prepared to pay almost whatever it took,'' said Pete Siegel, head of the aptly named Gotta Have It Collectibles in New York.

It's that kind of refreshing lack of reasoning that gets these kinds of items sold at auction - and there's plenty more out there. Currently on the Internet for a dad, grad and those whose taste is pretty bad:

Item No. 721 at Lelands.com: The propeller from the ill-fated DC-7 plane that crashed with Hall of Famer Roberto Clemente aboard.

The pitch: ``While we realize the piece may send cold chills up your back, remember it for the humanitarian mission it was on when it fell to the sea,'' reads part of the description of this chunk of gray steel that measures 14 inches across and 79 inches long and was pulled from the bottom of the Caribbean by divers shortly after the New Year's Eve accident in 1972.

The former Pittsburgh Pirates star was on a medical supply trip leaving San Juan, Puerto Rico heading for earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

The auction: Opening bid of $1,000 is up to $1,771.56 after seven bids. Auction ends on June 24.

Side note: The same auction site has another piece of that DC-7 plane (item no. 708), with the bidding up to $2,196.15. It is part of a collection of 28 Clemente-related items for sale.

The Clemente family, which turned over ownership of these things 30 years ago, have threatened to sue Lelands for offering them. Said Roberto Clemente Jr.: ``The Clemente family simply will not tolerate anyone trying to benefit from my father's passing.''

Item No. 5206050679 on eBay: The broken left front wing of Danica Patrick's car from the Indianapolis 500.

The pitch: On lap 154, Patrick went sideways and smacked into Tomas Enge, burying this piece of metal into his ride. It wasn't discovered until after Enge's Panther Racing team took his car into the shop for repairs.

They got permission from Patrick's Rahal-Letterman team to put it up for bidding, with the proceeds to the Indiana chapter of the Best Buddies, which helps people with intellectual disabilities.

Patrick also signed the hunk of junk: ``2005 Indy 500 Rookie of the Year Danica Patrick #16.'' Not sure if she used a heart symbol to dot the ``I'' in her name.

The auction: Starting bid of $500 was up to $38,900 after 128 bids. Auction ends Monday afternoon.

Item No. 4738159142 on eBay: Al Bundy's Polk High football jersey.

The pitch: OK, so it's only a mesh replica of the No. 33 that was seen on episodes of ``Married With Children'' for 11 seasons (and endless reruns), printed up by a guy in Bartlett, Ill., named Jeff.

The auction: A ``buy it now'' price of $31.99 (with $5.50 shipping) runs through Saturday.

Item No. 5205321551 on eBay: A 25-foot, 2,000-pound giant Colorado Avalanche lighted ``A'' logo sign from the old McNichols Arena in Denver.

The pitch: They used to lower it to the ice so players could skate through the legs of the ``A'' at the start of the game. Buy it, and you gotta pick it up from a warehouse in Goodland, Kan.

The auction: Opening bid of $75,000 has not been made. Auction ends Tuesday.

Item No. 5206103033 on eBay: A 1988 Dodgers World Series ring that belonged to ``J. Morales.''

The pitch: Let's see, Jose Morales ended his 12-year big-league career playing the last of three seasons with the Dodgers in 1984, but never was a coach. There are no other J. Morales listed in team history as players or coaches. The franchise had a scout in '88 named Morales, but his first name was Ruben.

The item, put up by someone in Del Mar who claims to have owned it ``in perfect condition'' since 1989, doesn't even include a picture. E-mails for additional information were not returned.

The auction: Opening bid of $30,000 has not been made. Auction ends Monday.

So again, the question: Who would consider paying that much for a piece of jewelry that you can't even see in a photo, aren't even sure of its original owner, from a seller who has a ``0'' on feedback reviews?

How bad do you gotta have it?

CAPTION(S):

5 photos, box

Photo:

(1) Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez is on pace to set the all-time home run mark in 2015.

Associated Press

(2) DARIN ERSTAD

(3) CLINTON PORTIS

(4) CLINT BARMES

(5) Indy 500 winner Dan Wheldon, on why Danica Patrick deserved to be the first Indy driver on the magazine's cover in 20 years.

Box:

SUNDAY PUNCH

- Tom Hoffarth

- Rich Hammond