THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL HERE COMES THE SUN, MAYBE A SPOT TO PARK.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

The mind-numbing prices that our local ticket scalpers established for Coliseum seats to Saturday's USC-UCLA game were plenty enough insane. But the ensuing insanity brought to anyone stuck in immovable lines of traffic intended to funnel into the few public lots around the stadium in the pre-dawn traffic made the thought of procuring a parking pass - legally, or otherwise - definitely worth the trouble next time.

By the time the key grass area between the Coliseum and Rose Garden off Exposition Blvd. opened to the public at 6 a.m., the line of idling RVs, SUVs and BMWs with headlights cutting through the darkness was as impressive as it was distressing for anyone with plans of setting up a BBQ grill and mixing Bloody Marys before noon.

Those pre-bought passes, obtained through USC's Cardinal and Gold club membership, were required to enter most of the guarded lots around the Coliseum. But the $20 open spots set aside for public tailgating north of the stadium could be accessed through just one entrance, on 39th Street, west of the Coliseum. And anyone who spent the night in line to make sure they had one of 'em made it clear that things do change when your school is a perennial national champion.

``It's official,'' said Tim Regenhardt, a USC grad and CPA from Torrance who was trying to navigate his Porsche full of tailgating supplies while at a dead stop on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. in the cold darkness. ``Trojan fans have officially lost their minds.''

-- Most amusing pregame moment might have been USC athletic director Mike Garrett, in the passenger seat of his Volvo station wagon with his wife behind the wheel and toddler son in the back seat, having to sit and wait patiently for the entire UCLA band to all march through the west gate and around to the Coliseum tunnel entrance so that he could pull in about an hour before kickoff.

Garrett was later honored at halftime in a ceremony commemorating the 40th anniversary of his Heisman season.

-- The Hollywood demands for a sideline pass were less than impressive, considering what was at stake - a shot or two from ABC's cameras and an interview spot once the game became a blowout.

Kirsten Dunst, Jake Gyllenhall, Josh Duhamel, Henry Winkler, Andre 3000, Warren G, The Game, Dr. Dre, Cheryl and Reggie Miller, Wilmer Valderrama, John Singleton and, of course, Snoop Dogg were on the pass list. Angels outfielder Tim Salmon, former Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway and Lakers forward Luke Walton were also hanging out with many USC and UCLA football alums.

For some reason, Nick Lachey stayed away from the sideline fray and watched from a chilly spot high atop the roof of the press box, wearing a USC T-shirt and cap.

-- Against all odds, USC welcomed the traveling circus known as ESPN ``College GameDay,'' setting aside some valuable tailgating real estate outside the peristyle entrance to the Coliseum on Saturday morning for all the necessary staging of this weekly rah-rah event.

-- Actually, we've come to discover the beauty of the ``GameDay'' hoopla is in the creative work of the alcohol-filled student body with their homemade signs and the ability to get them high enough in the air to be seen on TV.

The best of what USC and UCLA fans could muster on Saturday morn:

``Welcome to UCLA's First Sellout of the Season.''

``We Don't Need Booty To Score.''

``University of Seven Consecutive.''

``Drew Olson is Stewart Smalley in Pads.''

``U(n) C(anny) L(osing) A(bility).''

Compare that to some of the better prose from previous ``GameDay'' telecasts this season:

Week 2 in Columbus, Ohio (before Texas-Ohio St.): ``If the Alamo had a backdoor, Texas would still be part of Mexico.''

Week 3 in Chestnut Hill, Mass. (before Florida St.-Boston College): ``Flutie Died for our Sins.''

Week 5 in Tempe, Ariz., (before USC-Arizona St.): ``Tucson has Phoenix Envy.''

Week 6 in State College, Pa. (before Ohio St.-Penn State): ``JoePa is my Homie.''

Week 8 in Austin, Tex. (before Texas Tech-Texas): ``Corso, I loved you in 'Spaceballs.' ''

Week 11 in Tuscaloosa, Ala. (before LSU-Alabama):``LSU: Geaux Home.''

Week 12 in East Lansing, Mich. (before Penn St.-Michigan St.): ``Manute Bol is My Father.''

CAPTION(S):

4 photos, box

Photo:

(1) CARSON PALMER

(2) MICHAEL IRVIN

(3) MATT MILLEN

(4) no caption (Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones)

Box:

SUNDAY PUNCH

BY TOM HOFFARTH

- Matthew Kredell