THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL GO AHEAD, BLAME CANADA.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

The Canadian kangaroo court system that tried to lay a guilt trip on Marty McMeathead last week for illegally using his curved stick to smack Donny Brasco's thick head definitely made a dramatic statement that everyone should stand up and take notice:

Violent acts in sports will continue, no matter who righteously tries to stop 'em.

This judge wasn't about establishing some legal precedent. If he was, he'd have done way more than just 18 months probation and make Marty promise to play nice from now on.

If they were gonna make an example of McSorley, he shoulda been sent to the public's penalty box - the hole - without a chance for parole, or whatever legal loophole the mounties got on the books in the Great White North.

The judge had to know that it wouldn't matter what he ruled. Violent-looking acts considered to be in the context of sports aren't going to stop, now or in the future.

There'll be no chilling effect, for those alarmists who beg to differ.

Fact is, McSorley, a feisty 37, plans to get back into the sport he ays he loves and respects. And if he wants to do that, it'll be the NHL commish who makes the final call - not some guy in a powdered wig protecting the Crown of Don Cherry.

If this judge was truly concerned about violent acts in sports taking place in his jurisdiction, he'd be throwing down road blocks on Canadian NHL franchises defecting to the U.S. - where the laws, and the money, make more sense. . . .

--Let the Sakkos of Saugus take Traveler and their Ben Hur getup and find other source of income. All USC has to do is find another white horse with a suitable rider - anyone wanna nominate P. Hackett - willing to accept somewhere in the mid-five figures just to prance around the Coliseum turf. . . .

--How did David Newbury end up at USC and not Florida State? . . .

--Remember, Johnson followed Kennedy into the big chair in '63. It's only apropos for the opposite to happen with the 2001 blue boys. . . .

--Anyone who's ever sat through Joe Garagiola doing the broadcast of the Westminster Dog Show will soon realize that Fred Willard, as Buck Laughlin in the new flick ``Best in Show,'' isn't doing a parody of the old baseball commentator.

It's a flat-out side-splitting imitation. Which is better. . . .

--University of Oklahoma prez David L. Boren canceled classes today, declaring it a ``snow day'' since he thinks it's ``appropriate that we celebrate'' the Sooners' 63-14 win over rival Texas on Saturday.

Aside from the message this sends to the kids of America, maybe the phrases ``snow day'' and ``celebrate'' aren't real smart to use around Oklahoma players. . . .

--If Pete Sampras, who last week hitched it up to Bridgette Wilson, learned anything from that whole Andre Agassi-Brooke Shields co-dependant unmarital bliss . . . well, just forget it. . . .

--The rap on Allen Iverson's just keeps gettin' so good, a Disneyland endorsement has to be on the horizon. . . .

--For weddings, office functions or even bar mitzvahs, Dennis Rodman is available. At the bargain price of $75,000 an hour. . . .

--Rodman's latest threat is to join the Harlem Globetrotters. Probably because missing practices won't hurt the team's chances of winning. . . .

--Chuck Taylor hightops remain the coolest, most uncomfortable footwear available on the market. . . .

--So Laura Wilkinson, Brooke Bennett and Stacy Dragila will be on boxes of Wheaties, Lenny Krayzelburg and Marion Jones will be on boxes of Frosted Flakes and Jenny Thompson goes on the box of Crispix.

Which must mean the U.S. men's 400-meter relay team has an endorsement all lined up with Fruit Loops. . . .