THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL A LACROSSE-WORD PUZZLE.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Of the 700-plus e-mails and dozens of voice messages overreacting to last week's column on professional lacrosse coming to Southern California next year, just a few got it.

In between were these kinds of responses:

The tide is rising (a metaphor you Southern Cali people should be familiar with). And try as you might, telling people not to do something only plays into their human nature of curiosity.

- Pat Kelly

Reverse psychology? Sorry, not familiar with the concept.

All I agree with your article about lacrosse is that it's far too barbaric for you Californians. Seems like football should be outlawed - oh, wait, you did outlaw football in California. And baseball - oh, wait, there is no baseball after the seventh inning, you have to avoid traffic. I think backgammon, where you can sip lattes, should be a great spectator sport in California. Maybe chess, checkers - no, that's far too uncivilized. Bowling? Too blue collar. You don't have a clue. - Anonymous phone caller with thick New York accent.

``Clue'' is cool, but we're more ``Chutes and Ladders.''

Fantastic article on the insipid spreading of lacrosse in this country. I went to Dartmouth where I was first introduced to this terrible sport. I am now a documentary filmmaker in New York and am considering doing a project on lacrosse. I will paint the sport as it is - a farce and mockery of athletics. Perhaps this will help stop the growing popularity of the disease.

- Matthew Young

Instead of a documentary, try a feature-length film starring Bernie Mac. That'll kill the sport right there.

I read your article through tear-filled eyes. Not tears of sadness, but tears of laughter. On behalf of all lacrosse players, fans, coaches and officials, I want to apologize for that little boy or girl who was a lacrosse player long ago that once beat you up.

- Steve LaCrosse

Thanks, but it never happened. And if that's really your last name, I apologize to you.

We'll be happy to take all of our East Coast lacrosse players who have invaded your turf back in exchange for your L.A. gang culture that has infected the rest of the nation.

- Michael Soucy

You got it, homey.

A beautiful utopia you have built in L.A. I would think you would be more concerned about automatic rifles than lacrosse sticks.

- Chris Sumner, San Diego 

Lacrosse sticks don't hurt people. People hurt people while carrying lacrosse sticks.

A parent of a Georgetown lacrosse player from Philadelphia ran into Andy Reid in the L.A. airport on Sunday and started to talk to him. Andy told the parent he had heard of Georgetown's win (in the Final 4 lacrosse event at Home Depot Center) and extended his congratulations to the team. Huh.

- Brendan Cannon

We heard the Philadelphia Eagles lost the Super Bowl. It was all over the TV. Congrats to Mr. Reid.

Just remember that the kids with sticks in hand will probably be better off running around than sitting in front of the tube wasting away to ``Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.''

- Frank Barron, assistant varsity lacrosse coach, Branford (Conn.) High

Hear about the new Lacrosse 2005 game coming out for PlayStation 2? No? Probably because there isn't one.

I look forward to making you a convert to your game. Hopefully, you'll come as my guest to L.A.'s home opener in 2006. I'm sure if you approach the game with an open mind you will truly fall in love with the sport.

- David Gross, Commissioner, Major League Lacrosse 

You pick up the $15 for parking at Home Depot Center, I'll be there.

CAPTION(S):

6 photos, box

Photo:

(1) no caption (car No. 41 with Nicorette logo)

(2) CURT SCHILLING

(3) BARRY BONDS

(4) MARK McGWIRE

(5) BOEHEIM

(6) - From a new TV commercial produced by the Oakland Athletics, where rookie pitchers Danny Haren and Joe Blanton are seeking advice from Barry Zito (pictured), the former Pierce College and USC star. Zito, at 26, is the elder statesman of the team's pitching staff with Mark Mulder and Tim Hudson gone.

Box:

Sunday PUNCH