THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL : THE FINAL BLOW FROM K.O.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Farewell to the '97 Fallen Classic. It was a not-ready-for-prime-time series that we'd love to start separating for the recycling bin. But we can't. That would mean parts of it would return in some other form.

For the record, Keith Olbermann, brought in to co-host the pre-game show of NBC's nice-nice Series coverage, finally gave baseball his own Howard Beale, ``I'm bored as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore'' personal caning Friday night on his MSNBC ``Big Show.''

You probably missed it.

It followed similar volcanic eruptions of network execs Dick Ebersol and Don Ohlmeyer, and perennial soap-boxer Bob Costas. But Olbermann's ode was by far the deepest kick into the pastime's private parts, one that summarized all the little snipping and whining by suits at the network that paid $400 million to cover this.

An edited transcript:``Everything that could go wrong is going wrong. Every idiot who could be running things into the ground is doing so with all deliberate speed. It's just a question of what will kill the game first.''

Olbermann, like Ebersol, is upset that the game has dragged to a standstill. And it's the umpire's fault, those once silent, stoic figures who ``have been replaced by rotund, prickly, bad-tempered, self-agrandizing, grudge-carrying bullies who shouldn't be allowed into a World Series without a ticket.''

Olbermann, like Ohlmeyer, says the Series TV ratings ``would frighten the folks at the WB network.''

Olbermann, like Costas except better, calls baseball ``a disaster . . . it's like watching a relative drink himself to death.''

Olbermann then jogged his memory and recalled that in the 1890 World Series, entering Game 8 on a cold October night, drew only 200 people. The game was canceled and the series abandoned.``They might be advised to do the same thing now,'' Olbermann concluded. ``It might wake somebody up . . . might.''

If what happened in '94 didn't wake anyone up, nothing will.

Dodgers GM Fred Claire slipped out of Cleveland before Thursday's Series Game 5 after attending Games 3 and 4 at Jacobs Field. One reason: to avoid any annoying NBC cameras that might have wanted to get his face for a reaction to ex-Dodgers and current-Indians pitcher Orel Hershiser mowing down Marlins hitters.

The other reason: He was likely bored out of his mind.

The standings say USC's football squad improved to 4-3. This is the team whose players were actually dancing on the Coliseum turf late Saturday night after an easy field goal attempt by visiting Oregon, pushed back when the Ducks were called for 12 men on the field, was tipped and spun miserably short to preserve possibly the most undeserving Trojan victory in this millennium. Might want to tell defensive coordinator Keith Burns he can stop pumping his fist in celebration now.

Trojan coaches should be thankful that because of the daylight savings time switch, they got an extra hour to watch game films and assess the damage Sunday morning.

Considering what's happened - or hasn't happened - after the bites delivered this year by Mike Tyson in a Las Vegas boxing ring and Marv Albert in a Virginia hotel, Bela Lugosi himself could rise from the dead, don his Dracula cape, gorge on someone's neck and not even worry about the legal ramifications. All he's have to do is find a judge willing to believe he was just exercising his celebrity right to do whatever the heck he feels like, when he feels like it, to whomever else he feels like doing it to. You can Count on it.

Dick Vitale plus Digger Phelps equals Dirk Digler.

Which Forum crowd will be louder, the one Wednesday that welcomes Scott Hamilton onto the ice for his first skating exhibition after cancer treatment, or the one Friday that witnesses a dozen Lakers plod onto the court open their regular season?

A $55 ticket Wednesday goes toward cancer research. A $155 ticket Friday goes toward paying off Shaqille O'Neal's wide-screen TV and wet bar.

CAPTION(S):

Photo

Photo: When mascots attack: We already know who'd win a fight between a killer whale and a great white shark, but how about a San Jose shark against a Florida panther? Seems like it's no contest. Sharkie, the Sharks' mascot, has his way with Stanley C. Panther, the Panthers' mascot, during a between-periods mascot game at the Ducks-Islanders game Saturday. It's no Disney on Ice, but then, what else is.

Associated Press