THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL WELCOME TO AMATEUR HOUR.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

It wasn't much of a surprise when word trickled out this week that Tiger Woods would be skipping right past the popular AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am next month, an event he won in 2000 and played in his first six years as a pro.

Officially, he detours away from the Monterey Peninsula because, he's told the organizers, he's not happy with the wet, bumpy greens at the Pebble Beach, Spyglass Hill and Poppy Hills courses.

Unofficially, he'd rather toss buckets of mackerel to the nearby sea lions than share the weekend with the amateur pay-to-play guys who'd be giddy to fill out his foursome. Especially if he ended up with one of those Bill Murray-type celebs with the fashion-disaster argyle sweaters who always seem to know where to find the TV cameras.

Phil Mickelson, the slimmed-down heavyweight PGA attraction at this weekend's Bob Hope Chrysler Classic Pro-Am in the Palm Springs area, is Pebble Beach friendly, but with one well-known stipulation: he stays out of the rotation that puts pros with the Hollywood types.

That's not a left-handed slap at the format. It's just that it's one thing to match up high-strung pros trying to line up putts with high-energy, hit-'em-all-over-the-place pseudo-hacks who tag along in the electric carts. It's another to add the glitz-and-glamour element, which becomes an issue only in these two early-season PGA events, which started decades ago when golf junkies Hope and Bing Crosby saw a way to boost the PGA's entertainment value and raise money for worthy causes.

About three dozen A- and B-listers, personally invited by new tournament host and comedian George Lopez, were part of a group of about 350 other fantasy camper non-pros -- from company CEOs to local car dealers to even a couple of women with 18 handicaps -- who kicked in a reported $10,000. Each of the 128 pros in the Hope field had to play with three amateurs for the first four days. Only 16 pros had to volunteer to be in the celebrity group, which rotated each day. The amateurs are gone by today's final round. At the AT&T, the amateurs play Sunday.

So, really, what other high-profile major professional sport -- bowling doesn't count -- allows Joe Hand Wedge to pretend they're on equal footing with the world-known competitors going after a $5 million total purse?

``You can't compete with NBA players on the same floor when they're playing a game like you can here at the Chrysler Classic, so that's a real positive,'' said Mickelson after Friday's third-round 69 that kept him farther off the lead than he would have liked. ``If we, as players, don't support it, well, it can be a negative.''

Slow play and a carnival atmosphere are the real cons for the pros in this mixed-company event. Golf is a sport that already tests one's patience, concentration, character and confidence.

Adding Lopez to a group and listening to him refer to Oscar de la Hoya as ``Nacho Libre'' all afternoon because of the boxer's light-blue golf outfit is an additional test of one's ability to roll with the punches.

``Good golf is great,'' said Lopez. ``But bad golf is really funny.''

Funny to some. Not all.

Defending champion Chad Campbell, who missed the cut this year, defended the format.

``When it's time for us to play golf, nobody's messing around or anything,'' Campbell said. ``Everybody has their own opinion, but I kind of like playing in the celebrity wave, personally.''

Justin Rose, tied for the lead going into today's final round, had pitcher Roger Clemens, TV show host Carson Daly and comedian Jeff Altman in his group Saturday. Ex-NFL stars Jerome Bettis, Marcus Allen and Sterling Sharpe were with him Friday; actors Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle (wearing awful shorts) and comedian Cheech Marin joined Rose on Thursday. He started Wednesday with musician Michael Bolton and actors Craig T. Nelson and Joe Pesci.

Rose, an Englishman who wasn't completely up to speed on some of the U.S. pro athletes he was playing with, hardly wilted as part of the traveling circus.

``It's kind of businesslike out there, but we had a lot of fun,'' Rose said after Thursday's round. ``With that come distractions. There are people still sort of moving and walking your way up to the tee box when you are getting ready to play. You do need to keep your focus.''

Lucas Glover, five shots off the lead in third place after Friday's third round, says playing with amateurs actually ``helps me. It slows me down a little bit. I'm a fast layer and I get a little ahead of myself a lot, so it probably helps me more than it hurts.''

Scott Verplank, who had a share of the lead after the second round, wasn't in the celebrity rotation, which, he said, ``is fine with me.'' But he found another benefit from playing with the amateurs. One of his partners on the first day was T. Michael Glenn, a six-handicap who is executive vice president of market development for Federal Express. The PGA Tour players are competing this year for the FedEx Cup.

``I absolutely kissed his rear all day long,'' Verplank said with a laugh.

Something Tiger Woods probably will never have to concern himself with.

CAPTION(S):

4 photos, 2 boxes

Photo:

(1) Professional golfer Justin Rose, left, celebrates a birdie with former NLF running back Jerome Bettis.

Chris Carlson/Associated Press

(2) GEORGE LOPEZ

(3) KWAME BROWN

(4) MICHAEL VICK

Box:

(1) sunday punch

(2) The Pop Quiz