THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL SOME MORE FILL FROM PHIL.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Among the lost chapters from Phil Jackson's new book, ``The Last Season: A Team In Search of Its Soul'':

July 13, 2003

Flathead Lake, Mont.

Venture down to the Ruby River in the southwest part of the state, and the dry fly action is amazing. It's not that uncommon to land 20, 30 trout a day, 10- to 14-inchers, primarily rainbows, some browns. Usually grabbing on the size 4 hook. Nymphs or streamers work, too.

Then, you wander down to Beaverhead River for mayfly, yellowsally and some caddis hatches you've just never seen before. Madison River is best by float fishing. It's fairly swift and shallow. Tough to wade fish, no matter what you're packing. Rainbows do best there in later in the summer. Even some little golden tone hatches.

Who am I kidding? I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I come to this God-forsaken outpost every year to get away from all that junk that goes on in L.A., clear my head of all those inane questions from those idiot reporters. Plus, it's always nice to escape Tex Winter for a Montana summer.

Here, where Unibombers roam free, where the interstates have no speedlimits, where it's illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone (you can look it up), I can spit on the dirt road, skip a rock across an ancient Indian burial ground and feel like just any guy having another midlife crisis.

So I'm filling up the motorcycle at this local gas-n-stash mart, which the locals think is their version of Costco. I catch a glance at the newspaper rack with some screaming headline about Kobe in Colorado. But I'm more into this brochure I picked up for some overpriced lodge/dude ranch that sounds pretty sweet: Three days, two nights, including meals, guided fishing tours, $950 a person. As long as they take that thing off the hook when I'm done catching it, I'm fine.

Oh, right, Kobe. Criminy!

I immediately called my therapist. He suggested I call the kid to see if he needs bail. I was low on cash. All I could offer him was this unlimited American Express card the company gave me.

I feel so vulnerable, alone. Someone, hold me.

December 2

Houston

I ask Jeanie, ``Does this soul patch make me look fat?'' She's not sure.

I immediately called my therapist. He called me narcissistic.

As if. I haven't taken narcotics since college freshman year.

Feburary 14

Los Angeles

Jeanie has that look in her eye again. Every Valentine's Day, she starts hinting about a marriage proposal.

I immediately called my therapist. He suggested I purposely put a lipstick stain on my collar to see if that would make her jealous and throw her off.

She saw it.

``So, I see you had lunch with Dennis Rodman,'' she said.

She's good.

March 30

New Orleans

While Kobe was talking to the media after the game, again acting very vitriolic - remind me to look that word up later - Tex pointed out that everyone scored in this win except Slava Medvedenko. I didn't even know the cat was still on the roster!

Crazy stuff.

I immediately called Jeanie, who told me to call my therapist, who suggested I call Mitch Kupchak and demand we trade Slava for a player whose name I could remember. I took it under advisement.

April 23

Houston

Shaq came out before tonight's playoff game to work on his free throws. Two ushers, a team public-relations assistant and an electrician were injured by errant shots.

I immediately called my therapist. He said to remind Shaq to bend his knees and get more arch.

If it were only that easy.

June 16

Detroit

I'm re-reading the Pirsig book ``Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values,'' searching for some profound anecdotes about misfiring pistons. I eventually find a Zen phrase that goes, ``The pure own only themselves, and maybe some toiletries.''

I have no idea what it means, but I do know this: Losing to the Pistons in five games for the championship reminds everyone that there's no ``I'' in ``team.'' A cliche? Sure. I hate using cliches.

I immediately called my therapist. He said, if you look even closer, there is an ``I'' in Pistons. There's no ``I'' in Lakers, although there are other important vowels, like an ``A'' and an ``E.''

So, if you look at it that way, we just ended up three vowels short - the same number as how many games we needed to win for the title.

Now it all makes more sense. Just like there's an ``I' in Phil.

CAPTION(S):

5 photos, box

Photo:

(1) no caption (Paul Hamm)

(2) CURT SCHILLING

(3) JERRY RICE

(4) KEVIN BROWN

(5) -- Phil Jackson, asked whether he would want Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan on his team, during an appearance on FSN's ``Best Damned Sports Show Period'' to promote his new book.

Box:

Sunday PUNCH

- Ann Tatko, Contra Costa Times