THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL SCIENCE HAS THE ANSWERS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

There's a legitimate reason, according to recent discoveries in the field of brain imaging, why sports fans feel some strange emotional investment in a game they're watching and react to it almost as if they are playing right along.

A phenomenon that scientists call ``mirror neurons'' give people the ability to act out things they see, registering a pattering in our noggins similar to an athlete's. It's a fascinating concept explained on the PBS series, ``Nova,'' airing Tuesday (Ch. 28, 8 p.m.) that might have far-reaching implications in determining, for example, the fundamental tools for interpreting language.

In a non-related story - or maybe it is - professor Mary Valentich of the University of Calgary's Faculty of Social Work is conducting a study into why women flashed crowds of Calgary Flames fans during last year's NHL playoffs.

``There are gender role issues here,'' Valentich told the Canadian Press. ``These women are doing something unconventional and yet they're using the traditional sexual route to express whatever they're expressing.''

Many females bared their breasts last spring along Calgary's famous Red Mile, where many parties were taking place as the Flames were in the Stanley Cup finals. When reporters sought Valentich for her professional opinion about these repeated incidents, she didn't have an answer.

They couldn't have been subconsciously just acting something out they saw other people do, could they? ...

--The Dodgers don't need you reading between the lines just because they announced that their ``Community Caravan,'' otherwise known as the ``Extreme Makeover Road Show,'' makes its first 2005 offseason trek today in, of all places, that city in Orange County that flat out says it hates the name Los Angeles.

If you're at the Anaheim ESPN Zone at 5 p.m. today, there's a chance you'll see Eric Gagne unsuccessfully attempting to split a plate of ``En Fuego'' hot wings with Tom Lasorda. ...

--Lasorda had the honors last week of hosting the Commander-in-Chief Ball during President Bush's inauguration festivities in Washington, D.C.

When Miss USA 2004 Shandi Finnessey made an appearance before the group of military personnel and remarked that she might ``take one of you home tonight,'' Lasorda replied: ``Now, if I were only 30 again.''

Sure, because then he'd have a chance to be an $8 million a year set-up man with the Yankees. ...

--One of those secret sources told the New York Post that when Mike Piazza gets hitched to former Playboy Playmate Alicia Rickter at the end of this month, it'll be a ``very small wedding, just family and close friends.''

And Piazza won't hold a press conference to confirm or deny his preference of honeymoon locations. ...

--Pittsburgh Steelers fans can keep waving their Terrible Towels. Their team was Sunday. ...

-- LeBron James isn't even old enough to consume adult beverages, but the Cleveland Cavaliers star and agent Aaron Goodwin are investing in a new sports bar/restaurant in Seattle named Sport, the same city where Goodwin has investments in other eateries. ...

-- The Arizona Diamondbacks, who've spent the offseason fixing up their lineup with the additions of Troy Glaus, Shawn Green and Russ Ortiz, hired a company called We Fix Ugly Pools to renovate the right-center field swimming facility for about $150,000. ...

-- One of the perks that the Milwaukee Brewers reportedly used to sign catcher Damian Miller to a three-year, $8.75 million deal was free oil changes on his snowmobile, as long as he turns in the receipts from the La Cross Farm and Fleet. ...

-- The Portland Trail Blazers could afford to release forward Qyntel Woods after he pleaded guilty to abusing his pit bull named Hollywood, which resulted in 12 months probation and 80 hours of community service.

But honestly, will the Houston Rockets do the same to Tracy McGrady, who's been sued by one of his former house caretakers after his rottweiler, Max, nearly bit the guy's nose off? ...

-- Now that the guy Mayor Hahn called ``Mike'' Leinart is out of the picture, the first mock NFL draft from ESPN's Mel Kiper has Alex Smith as both his projected first and last pick of the first round.