THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL ONE LESS MOTORIST DISTRACTION.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Hey, I don't need a shredded pillowcase flapping from my car antenna to show my loyal support for the Lakers.

Aside from the fact I can't find one around town to buy.

No matter what freeway off-ramp, makeshift vacant-lot souvenir boutique or shady looking guy on the corner under the street lamp next to the Quizno's I happen to pass, no one has any flags left in exchange for my 15 bucks.

I could get resourceful. There was an open house down the street, and there were these yellow Century 21 pennants all around the grass. I'm sure I have some flagrantly used boxer shorts that would work, too.

Instead, I'll just wait. Until they start making flaglettes for the Sparks. ...

--Next conspiracy theory: NBC and David ``The Fixer'' Stern will compensate the Lakers if they stretch the NBA Finals to six games. ...

--If Phil 'er up Anschutz and Sir Rup Murdoch ever need public funding for their Sports and Entertainment District project in the shabby neighborhood around Staples Center, keep in mind California squeezed pro athletes for $94 million last season in ``jock taxes,'' the Wall Street Journal reports.

Those are the wages garnished from nonresident players when they come into town. ...

--As long as you're following the money, the Lakers are directly responsible for reviving pro beach volleyball.

Otherwise, where else would Shaq's agent, Leonard Armato, come up with enough sand dollars to buy back the AVP, sign up legends such as Sinjin Smith and Karch Kiraly, and put it all in place, starting this weekend in Hermosa Beach? ...

--Don't know what kind of game he has, but even if Armato found a way to make it as a pro beach boy with Karch and Co., he wouldn't be the first agent/player.

In the Canadian Football League, they're trying to figure out whether Montreal Alouettes receiver Swift Burch should be allowed to play while simultaneously acting as an agent for at least two other CFLers. ...

--Chairs remain available tonight at The Learning Annex for the seminar ``How to Navigate Your Way to Success'' in the film industry.

Only reason it interests us is that it'll be taught by Roy Campanella II, namesake of his famous dad and president/CEO of Director's Circle Filmworks, Hollywood's first African-American owned and operated studio. ...

--Loyola Marymount's Page Stadium takes a page out of Fenway Park with renovations this summer that will result in a new left-field wall that's 130-feet wide and 37 feet tall - the exact measurements of the Green Monster.

Only the Lions plan to call it the Blue Monster. It'll include its own 46-foot-wide manual scoreboard, too. ...

--A writer for the Montreal Gazette warned that the Expos' decision to fire Felipe Alou ``is unlikely to go over well with the fans.''

All six of 'em. ...

--If he gets to the Senior PGA Tour, Craig Stadler won't need a cart. He'll need an Astro van. ...

--And one last knee-jerk reaction to this Casey Martin thing before we're forced to drive off into the sunset of cynicism:

One, if I could, I'd never use a cart on a golf course. They're the worst thing ever introduced to the sport. But because the course operators want to get as many people trampling on the grass as possible from sunup to sundown in less than five hours, they've become essential for business. But walking the course can be done in the same amount of time, if there's no screwing around.

Two, with or without a cart, you still have to hit the ball to score. With my degenerative game off the tee box, a cart won't help.

Three, helping a person with a handicap isn't the same as giving them an unfair advantage.

Oh, and finally, if the Supreme Court wants to butt into a private company's business to try to level the playing field, it can, but it shouldn't. A business is all about survival of the fittest. So, too, are the participants in an event with millions of dollars at stake. ...

--The flip side to all this, of course, is now CART racers have to walk.