THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL MONKEY TOOTS HIS HORN.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

The champagne stung his eyes, but the Rally Monkey hardly minded. He grabbed a towel and wiped his face - careful not to wipe away his huge smile.

``Tastes better than a banana daiquiri,'' he screamed in a primal manner only he could. ``Baby, I could get used to this juice real fast.''

He wasn't voted World Series MVP - Troy Glaus ran off with that.

He doesn't expect to get a share of the winning team's playoff dough or even a big championship ring. It's not like he needs 'em anyway.

Heck, he didn't even have to work Sunday. After the miracle he pulled off one night earlier, they gave him a deserved day off.

But anyone who has followed the script of the 2002 Anaheim Mighty Angels from the bumbling beginnings through the wild, wild AL West wild card to this Fantasyland finish has to know one thing by now: No one messes with the monkey.

That's enough satisfaction for this nearly upright beast.

``Can I really say I'm surprised by all this?'' the Rally Monkey repeated the question in the boisterous locker room, in part because he wasn't really sure if he heard the inquiry correctly.

He squinted again as he surveyed the mayhem - the beer spraying, the hugging, the ceremonial tossing of another Angels equipment manager into the whirlpool.

``Not really,'' he said after a long pause.

``I mean, 43 come-from-behind wins, seven more in the playoffs. That speaks for itself ...

``I took a lot of you-know-what during the season. The junk with the rubber chickens up in San Fran, with the stuffed monkeys in the noose - nothing was going to knock this off course.

``When you believe in something so deeply, in something that has come through time and time again ...''

At that moment, Rex Hudler ran through the celebration wearing only a pair of red boxer shorts. Everyone seemed to stop - was this the first time the Wonder Dog and the Rally Monkey had been seen in the same room at the same time? So maybe the rumors can be put to rest.

``It was more than just me, you know,'' the little fella continued as Hudler pranced about nearby, scaring several of the players' children.

``Call me a one-trick chimp if you will. I've told you that. My act was really to wake people up, to make them realize that no matter how bad things looked, there was always a way out. Nothing really deep other than that.

``Did I have mystical powers? Naw. I'm not a really religious chimp, but there's got to be a point when you put so many positive thoughts in anyone's head, it's bound to come out positive. In the end, it's that simple.''

So it was really a manner of hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil?

``Jeez, if you want to put it that way,'' the monkey answered, snapping back to his annoyed persona that those behind the scenes knew better.

So what happens now to the most celebrated simian this side of Curious George?

``I have no down time,'' he said, firing up a cigar handed to him by Michael Eisner. ``Monkey mojo knows no days off.''

A part of the Disney empire now, there's always the chance of a movie, a book, a kid's show. His own theme park.

Matt LeBlanc has said he wants to do a remake of ``Ed.'' The offers seem limitless.

Despite reports in the media, he's not a free agent. He also has a no-trade clause, so anything George Steinbrenner tries to pull off behind the scenes with a luxury-tax rebate won't go anywhere.

Around the corner, Steve Lyons, who's made a monkey of himself on plenty of occasions, stuck a microphone in the Rally Monkey's face.

``R-Monk, talk to me - you've just won a world championship. What are you gonna do now?''

The Rally Monkey took a swig of the champagne bottle, sniffed the air and looked Lyons right in the eye.

``After all that's happened, if I honestly said I was going to Disneyland for Tuesday's parade, would you believe me?''