THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL MANY HAPPY RETURNS.Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Don't act surprised if you see them among the masses in the customer service line today at some of our nation's finer retail outlets: Paul DePodesta: At the Dodger Stadium gift shop, returning Adrian Beltre, Steve Finley, Jose Lima, Alex Cora, Odalis Perez, Hideo Nomo, Jose Hernandez, Paul LoDuca, Dave Roberts and Guillermo Mota replica jerseys for a Milton Bradley commemorative ``Get Out of Jail'' Free card that's just been inserted into the new edition of the Dodgers' Monopoly board games. Rick Majerus: At the Gap, returning two dozen XXXXXL cardinal and gold sweaters. Mike Krzyzewski: At Barnes and Noble, returning a copy of Phil Jackson's ``The Last Season: A Team In Search of Its Soul,'' which Jackson inscribed in·scribe tr.v. in·scribed, in·scrib·ing, in·scribes 1. a. To write, print, carve, or engrave (words or letters) on or in a surface. b. To mark or engrave (a surface) with words or letters. : ``Coach K: You're the perfect guy for the job.'' Kobe Bryant: At Jim Gray's house, regifting a ``Desperate Housewives'' DVD DVD: see digital versatile disc. DVD in full digital video disc or digital versatile disc Type of optical disc. The DVD represents the second generation of compact-disc (CD) technology. given to him by Karl Malone, with the note attached: ``Check out Eva Longoria.'' Karl Malone: At Staples Center, returning a backhanded compliment given to him by Kobe Bryant. Shaquille O'Neal: At Krispy Kreme, returning $1.2 million in gift certificates given to him by all the GMs of the NBA's Eastern Conference teams. Arte Moreno: At the U.S. Copyright Office, returning the rights to the sheet music for ``Hark The Los Angeles Angels Sing'' given to him by the Anaheim City Council. Ron Artest: At Target, hoping to exchange a ``Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots'' game sent to him anonymously by a Detroit Pistons fan for an iPod that only plays his record label's songs. Matt Leinart: At the New York Downtown Athletic Club The Downtown Athletic Club was an athletic club in a 35-story building located at 19 West Street in Lower Manhattan, New York City, USA. It was founded in 1926. By 1927, it had purchased this site next to the Hudson River to construct its own building. , exchanging a Heisman Trophy for a guarantee of an Orange Bowl victory. Ricky Williams: At Home Depot, exchanging a high-tech grass cutter he received from his former Miami Dolphins teammates for some holistic ceramic self-watering pots. Cal football coach Jeff Tedford: At Tower Records, exchanging William Hung's ``Hung For The Holidays'' CD for ``The War of the Roses'' DVD. Barry Bonds: At Sav-On, returning some specially marked Preparation H drum-sized canisters given to him by Gary Sheffield with the note, ``I hear these work great getting rid of `roids.'' Marion Jones: At the Jiffy Lube toxic waste depository, returning some ``sensual flaxseed flaxseed /flax·seed/ (flak´sed) linseed. oil'' given to her by Tim Montgomery. Gary Bettman: At the Zamboni company store, returning 30 new ice-making machines that won't be used this season, then to Tiffany's, returning the Stanley Cup with the new faceplate ``2005 Champion: Uh, right,'' then to the offices of the New York Rangers The New York Rangers are a professional ice hockey team based in New York, New York, U.S.A. They are members of the Atlantic Division of the Eastern Conference of the National Hockey League (NHL). , hoping to get his season-seat deposit refund. With interest, of course. Johnny Damon: At Blockbuster, exchanging a ``Passion of the Christ'' DVD for ``Fear Strikes Out: The Jimmy Piersall Story.'' Paul Hamm: At the International Olympic Committee “IOC” redirects here. For other uses, see IOC (disambiguation). The International Olympic Committee (French: Comité International Olympique) is an organization based in Lausanne, Switzerland, created by Pierre de Coubertin and Demetrios Vikelas on June 23 offices, returning a gold medal that never belonged to him in the first place. Smarty Jones: At Petco, exchanging the ``Seabiscuit'' DVD for the Marx Brothers' ``Horse Feathers.'' Lance Armstrong: At Best Buy, returning another copy of the ``Breaking Away'' DVD for two Sheryl Crow CDs and a padded bicycle seat. The entire New York Mets
Scott Boras: At the Major League Baseball "MLB" and "Major Leagues" redirect here. For other uses, see MLB (disambiguation) and Major Leagues (disambiguation). Major League Baseball (MLB) is the highest level of play in North American professional baseball. offices, returning the deed to the Washington Nationals that Bud Selig gave him, figuring it would be in the best interest of the game if the agent simply had his own team stocked with his own clients, then had to hire a general manager to sign them. George Steinbrenner: At Borders, returning a copy of the book ``Moneyball'' for a calculator that converts expendable warehouse stock into Arizona Units. Phil Mickelson: At the Men's Wearhouse, returning a pair of green Armani slacks Vijay Singh bought him, thinking it would match really well with a green blazer. Eli Manning: At Champs Sporting Goods, exchanging a ``Manning'' San Diego Chargers
abbr. National Football League NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga playoffs from the guest room at his brother's house. Anna Kournikova: At Neiman Marcus, returning a ``thank you'' tennis bracelet given to her by Maria Sharapova, Elena Bovina, Vera Zvonareva, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Anastasia Myskina, Elena Dementieva and Nadia Petrova, hoping to get enough cash to visit an FAO FAO, n See Food and Agriculture Organization. Schwarz and find an Enrique Iglesias windup doll. Terrell Owens: At Spencer Gifts, exchanging a full-sized nude Nicollette Sheridan poster (``been there, seen that'') for a ``Madden 2005'' video game so he can watch himself finish the season. Elin Nordegren Woods: At The Diamond Exchange, returning a $4 million ring that husband Eldrick said he bought for her ``just because,'' then admitted it was based on some unsolicited advice given to him by Kobe Bryant. Sunday PUNCH THE RANT A REAL PATH TO PAYDIRT PAYDIRT Processing Architecture Yielding Deductions in Real Time Did you read about the feel-good story surrounding James Madison University “JMU” redirects here. For the university in Liverpool, England, see Liverpool John Moores University. For the public-policy college at Michigan State University, see . capturing the NCAA NCAA abbr. National Collegiate Athletic Association Division I-AA college football championship last week? Coach Mickey Matthews, with wheelchair-bound son Clayton helping out, didn't have to lobby voters to help his team in the polls even though they didn't win their conference. He didn't have to convince guys in bright orange jackets that his university could travel well and buy up trinkets. All the Dukes had to do was win four games in a row - each of them on the road, including a 31-21 decision over Montana in Chattanooga, Tenn., to claim the title. This kind of Hollywood-type scenario won't happen anytime soon in the Bowl Championship Series, because university presidents and chancellors insist it would take away too much class time to stage a Division I-A tournament of 16 teams. The ball-and-chain bowl system sponsored by power tool companies and fast-food joints pay out too many millions to too many 6-5 teams to break up such a sweet deal and change to a system that might actually crown a legit champ. USC An abbreviation for U.S. Code. may knock off Oklahoma on Jan. 4 in Miami and rightfully take home the glass trophy and claim to a national title. But it won't have done it the James Madison way. CAPTION(S): 5 photos, box Photo: (1) no caption (celebration of game victory) (2) MICHAEL VICK (3) CHAD PENNINGTON (4) BOB KNIGHT (5) - Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, in the latest ``I Love This Game'' cute TV spots for the NBA NBA abbr. 1. National Basketball Association 2. National Boxing Association NBA (US) n abbr (= National Basketball Association) → Basketball-Dachverband (= . Box: Sunday PUNCH (see text) |
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