THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL IT DOESN'T HURT TO ASK.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

With earthquakes, wildfires, drought, landslides, lightning strikes, volcanic activity under the La Brea Tar Pits, African honey bees, carbon monoxide, global warming, a bad actor acting as the state's governor, and the apocalyptic aftermath predicted from Peter Brady getting his own reality TV show, what kind of guarantee can we give the rest of the world that there will even be a Los Angeles in 2016 to host another great Olympic cocktail party?

And is Peter Ueberroth on board with this, at least as a ticket taker for the equestrian events?

And is it out of the question that then-L.A. mayor Magic Johnson will consider playing for whatever they're calling the U.S. Dream Team?

--Is it going to take a restraining order from Arte Moreno - and the city of Anaheim knows he's got the lawyers to do it - to keep Mike Scioscia from getting ejected during the last two weeks of the season?

--What kind of laws of humanity do we violate by putting Milton Bradley in the same sentence as Roberto Clemente?

--What kind of muscle can Bud Selig flex to keep Barry Bonds from stepping on the field again the rest of this season and not re-open another can of flaxseed oil-soaked worms?

--Since the Hall of Fame has turned down Bonds' 700th home run ball because an online gambling site bought it and offered it up, why can't it just end up with the guy who bought up the right-field pavilion at Dodger Stadium last year?

--Did you realize that the Black Eyed Peas' song ``Don't Phunk With My Heart'' is so big in the Great White North that the group has been asked to perform at halftime of the Canadian Football League's Grey Cup championship game in November?

Eh?

So which is it, Molson's Ultra premium lager or Labatt's Blue, that best kills the aftertaste of black-eyed peas?

--Did Joe ``The Nittany Lionhearted'' Paterno despise the media this much when he was winning national championships and his players weren't regularly getting arrested?

--Why does Temple even bother fielding a football team?

--Does that Oct. 15 trip to South Bend make USC fans queasy now? How about the fact that Charlie Weis has a bye week to prepare for it?

--If you're not sold on former NFL quarterback Gary Hogeboom's chances during the latest series of ``Survivor'' (which starts Thursday on Ch. 2), could you at least pay some attention to Danni Boatwright, a 30-year-old sports-talk radio host from Tonganoxie, Kan., who also happens to be a former Miss Kansas who was a runner-up in the 1996 Miss USA pageant?

--When does Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's 15 milliseconds of fame finally expire?

--How smart is it for Rod ``He Hate Me'' Smart to alter his nickname to ``He Love Me'' when the Carolina Panthers running back doesn't even make the obvious grammatical correction?

--Didn't you used to be Sammy Sosa's ticket to the Hall of Fame?

--Is shilling for a sports betting website the best Jesse Ventura can do in parlaying a quasi-political career?

--Since the New York Giants have broken up with Jesse Palmer, will the jilted quarterback go speed dating to find another NFL employer?

--Does it look like Andre Agassi found Andy Roddick's mojo?

--Does the fact that the Baltimore Ravens have hired a 38-year-old cheerleader - Molly Shattuck, the mother of three, who is far beyond the squad's average age of 23 - give Lisa Guerrero something to shoot for if her upcoming Playboy spread doesn't re-start her career?

--Since Joe Theismann has gone on the record at ESPN.com to predict that Kurt Warner will become the NFL's MVP this season, does that mean Warner is still employed by some team in the NFL?

--Did someone in your fantasy league actually use a pick on Jerry Rice because he was some kind of sentimental 49ers fan?

--Will the Raiders ever figure it out that points, not penalties, win football games?

CAPTION(S):

8 photos, box

Photo:

(1) Cavaliers star LeBron James picks out supplies in Ohio to be shipped to Louisiana, Missouri and Texas to help Hurricane Katrina refugees.

Ron Schwane/Associated Press

(2) BONDS

(3) JOHNSON

(4) PATERNO

(5) JAMES BLAKE

(6) LANE ARMSTRONG

(7) KANYE WEST

(8) - Green Bay QB and Mississippi native Brett Favre, on the widespread devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina.

Box:

SUNDAY PUNCH

- Tom Hoffarth

- Rich Hammond