THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL HOLIDAY GIFTS THAT AREN'T MEANT TO KEEP ON GIVING.Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Santa had no choice but to leave these under the fake, upside-down Christmas tree Christmas tree Evergreen tree, usually decorated with lights and ornaments, to celebrate the Christmas season. The use of evergreen trees, wreaths, and garlands as symbols of eternal life was common among the ancient Egyptians, Chinese, and Hebrews. . Without a gift receipt: Frank McCourt
Francis "Frank" McCourt (born August 19, 1930) is an Irish-American teacher and author. : A large green wall to plant in left field at Dodger Stadium. Vin Scully: A lifetime contract. In writing. Nomar Garciaparra: A catcher's mitt. Just in case. J.D. Drew: A do-it-yourself surgical repair kit to keep close by in his locker stall. Arte Moreno: A Thomas Guide with a pop-up map that shows where L.A. County ends and the Orange Curtain begins. Shaquille O'Neal: The vision of Kobe Bryant sailing through the lane, thinking he's going to the hole unguarded. Kobe Bryant: Pulling up for a 40-foot jumper on a 1-on-5 break and hitting nothing but the bottom of the net - with Shaq taking the ball out of bounds afterward. Donovan McNabb: A box of Terrell Owens peanut brittle. Extra nutty. Terrell Owens: Peace on earth. And a cone of silence An inverted cone-shaped space directly over the aerial towers of some forms of radio beacons in which signals are unheard or greatly reduced in volume. See also Z marker beacon. just in case that's a concept he can't grasp. Drew Rosenhaus: Six percent of nothing. Next question. The Minnesota Vikings: A glass-bottomless boat trip. Michelle Wie: An American Express card. Without her parents' knowledge. Maria Sharapova: More photo ops. Brett Favre: A deck chair on a Mississippi paddle boat, cruising toward a retirement home. Joe Paterno: A gallon jug of correction fluid, for his birth certificate, so he isn't sent to a retirement home. Jason Gore: A lifetime PGA Tour card. And a lifetime supply of Krispy Kreme. Duffy Waldorf: A couple of Brooks Brothers suits, to mix in with the Hawaiian shirts. Fred Funk: A mini-skirt. Kenny Rogers: A cameraman in his face everywhere he goes in Detroit. Lance Armstrong: A bicycle built for two. Larry Brown: A sublease sublease n. the lease of all or a portion of premises by a tenant who has leased the premises from the owner. A sublease may be prohibited by the original lease, or require written permission from the owner. on his New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of apartment, allowing him to quietly skip town to his next adventure. Alex Rodriguez: A collection of the dogs playing poker Dogs Playing Poker (DPP) refers collectively to a series of sixteen oil paintings by C. M. Coolidge, commissioned in 1903 by Brown & Bigelow to advertise cigars.[1] paintings. Bruce Sutter, Lee Smith and Goose Gossage: Hall of Fame plaques, compliments of the voters who finally come through on this year's ballot. Putting 'em together in an otherwise weak year makes a nice statement. Pete Rose: One last write-in ballot. As if it matters. A.J. Pierzynski: A called third strike. Josh Paul: A tag. Mike Krzyzewski: A vowel. Jose Canseco: A friend. Lamar Odom: An ear-piercing wake-up call. Jeanie Buss: A Robbins Brothers gift certificate from you-know-who. Anyone with a sports hernia: Turf toe turf toe Sports medicine A ligamentous sprain of the metatarsophalangeal–MTP joint of the great toe affecting athletes in various sports–baseball, football, soccer played on artificial turf Clinical Commonly presents as an intensely painful, swollen, . Ron Artest: Focus. Charlie Weis: A 10-year membership to the South Bend 24 Hour Fitness. The Notre Dame Stadium Notre Dame Stadium is the home football stadium for the University of Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team. The stadium is located on the campus of the University of Notre Dame at Notre Dame, Indiana, just north of the city of South Bend, Indiana, USA. grounds crew: A power mower that somehow trims the grass to a normal height. Kyle Boller: A 2006 NFL NFL abbr. National Football League NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga schedule that has Green Bay as the opponent every week. Luc Robitaille: Ice time. Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin: Much more ice time. Troy Polamalu, Jake Plummer, R.W. McQuarters, Al Harris, Ricky Williams and Edgerrin James: A gift certificate to Tagliabue's Corner Barbershop. Johnny Damon: A set of new tires, to replace the ones about to be slashed on his ride parked outside of Fenway Park. All Red Sox fans: A tiny violin. Tony Parker: A GPS ankle bracelet for Eva Longoria. Carolina Panthers cheerleaders Notable cheerleaders
Danica Patrick: A new endorsement deal, with Viagra. Rafael Palmiero: A new endorsement deal, not with Viagra. Miguel Tejada: A B-12 cocktail, shaken not stirred. Barry Bonds: An Original Roidinator. Karl Dorrell: A blinding snowstorm, just before kickoff at the Sun Bowl. Vince Young: A hankie the size of Texas. LenDale White: Someone else to pretend to jump off a roof. Reggie Bush: A hefty insurance policy, and a reason to stay. Matt Leinart: A DVD DVD: see digital versatile disc. DVD in full digital video disc or digital versatile disc Type of optical disc. The DVD represents the second generation of compact-disc (CD) technology. copy of ``The Dukes of Hazzard'' to pop in when it's time to flush Nick Lachey out of the apartment. Pete Carroll: A red-hot cattle prod to rearrange the backside of a particular longhorn The code name for the Windows Vista operating system. After the client version was renamed "Vista" in 2005, Longhorn referred to the server version until it was officially named Windows Server 2008 in May of 2007. See Windows Vista. steer that'll be grazing through the Arroyo Seco in a little more than a week. Now, bring us some figgy pudding. CAPTION(S): 5 photos, box Photo: (1) Just in case you were wondering, Santa doesn't need a new snowboard. At least, Ethan Mueller, the director of operations at Crested Butte Butte, city, United States Butte (by  t), city (1990 pop. 33,336), seat of Silver Bow co., SW Mont.; inc. 1879. It is a trade, ranching, and industrial center. Mountain Resort in Colorado, didn't ask for one.
Nathan Bilow/Associated Press (2) KOBE BRYANT (3) JOHNNY DAMON (4) NIKOLAI VALUEV (5) - Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal on wanting to play well for new coach Pat Riley. The Heat have gone 4-2 under Riley leading into the Christmas Day contest against the Lakers. Box: SUNDAY PUNCH BY TOM HOFFARTH |
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