THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL BOWLING FOR ANSWERS WITH NORTHRIDGE PRO.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

FOUNTAIN VALLEY - He's been to the top of his sport, and he's seen it from the lowest rung. He's introspective, contemplative, self-motivated, confident. If he wasn't doing the thing he's doing now, he says he'd be a sports psychologist.

He's Eric Forkel. Watch him bowl.

Actually, this weekend, you can't anymore. The left-hander from Northridge, competing against 347 others at the U.S. Open at the Fountain Bowl, just missed the top-24 cutoff after Friday morning's qualifying session. After a grueling 27 games, he was 12 lousy pins short.

Disappointed? Of course. But not totally despondent. Just part of the game, he said. Even though his shot at the $100,000 first prize was gone - meaning some other balding, middle-aged guy would win it - he now was free to drive his roommate to the airport and do the other mundane stuff he didn't particularly want to do today and Sunday, like watch the final on ESPN.

So with a few minutes free, Forkel was the perfect candidate to corner and thus subject to my list of 20 questions I've always wanted to ask a professional bowler:

--Question: Should NFL players who participate in the Pro Bowl be referred to as Pro Bowlers?

--Answer: ``No. They may be Pro Bowlers, but they're not pro bowlers.''

--Question: ``Kingpin,'' ``The Big Lebowski,'' or ``Bowling for Columbine''?

--Answer: ``I only saw the first one. It kind of ridiculed bowling, didn't it? It had its moments. Bill Murray was funny.''

--Question: How many shirts in your closet with your name embroidered on the back?

--Answer: ``20. I get a bunch of new ones every week.''

--Question: Is it tougher to pick up a 4-7-6-10 split or a beautiful woman in a singles bar?

--Answer: ``The split is much tougher. That's the `Big Four.' Definitely harder.''

--Question: Ever seen Chris Schenkel naked?

--Answer: ``No. Nor do I want to.''

--Question: Are you any good at the mini-bowling game with the wooden ball they have at arcades?

--Answer: ``I'm fair.''

--Question: Why 10 pins instead of nine or 11? Wouldn't it be better to crank it up to 11?

--Answer: ``I don't know. There are a lot of different forms of bowling - duckpin, candlepin. ... It's just the game we have. I wouldn't think to change it.''

--Question: Is it legal in California to make a right turn on a red light?

--Answer: ``You have to stop first, right? Sure.''

--Question: Which scientific principle best applies to the action of a bowling ball - torque, friction or gravity?

--Answer: ``You really do need all three. The torque when you release, the friction on the lane, and the gravity ... without that, well ...''

--Question: Ever get your head stuck in a ball return?

--Answer: ``No. My hand almost.''

--Question: Earl Anthony or Dick Weber?

--Answer: ``Earl Anthony is the greatest of all time. No question.''

--Question: If you knew you could bend the rules during a competition and no one would find out, would you do it?

--Answer: ``No. Definitely not. No one would find out? ... No.''

--Question: What's a reasonable amount to pay for a game at a local bowling center?

--Answer: ``I can't believe some are charging $3.50 these days. That's very steep. I can't believe people can afford to bowl with those prices. Take it down.''

--Question: Isn't curling just bowling on ice with brooms?

--Answer: ``Curling is a joke. And it's an Olympic sport? I don't get that. And there's equestrian in the Olympics? The horse does all the work, doesn't he? What does the rider do? When I think of that, I think it's got to be politics.''

--Question: Does bowling belong in the Olympics?

--Answer: ``Absolutely. It's about time. It's ridiculous it's taken this long. Again, it's gotta be politics.''

--Question: Ever gotten your pocket picked?

--Answer: ``Yes. A long time ago.''

--Question: Do you consider someone an athlete if they participate in a sport that allows time for drinking, smoking and loitering?

--Answer: ``I guess it depends on the definition of sport. Golfers smoke between holes, right? We can't smoke in the buildings anymore. Or drink. If you go by the true definition of sport, probably no. But it happens.''

--Question: If you could have a ticket to any sporting event, which would it be and what teams involved?

--Answer: ``The NBA Finals with the Lakers, but it'll take an act of God for them to make the playoffs this year. I'm a huge Laker fan, but they're really p---ing me off. It's not like the Western Conference is that much better than they are this year. What's going on with them?''

--Question: If Winnebago A leaves Point X at 2 p.m. traveling 15 mph, and Winnebago B towing a 400-pound boat leaves Point Y at 2:15 traveling 25 mph, which one would go farther after an hour?

--Answer: ``Hmmm. Remember, I've had a head injury awhile ago. I'll say ... the one pulling the boat?'' (Correct. Because it's going 10 mph faster than the other.)

--Question: Finally, what size shoe do you wear, and do you mind leaving one as a deposit with the lady at the counter?

--Answer: ``10 1/2, and sure, why not? Although I haven't worn a pair of rented shoes since I was in juniors.''

Plus, Odor-Eaters are a new sponsor for the PBA. Just thought you'd want to know.