THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL BCS UPSHOT A BIG LETDOWN.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Even though we are kinda fond of Bowl Crap Shoot, we've run out of clever comebacks for what the letters BCS actually represent.

Reason is, we've run out of patience for the entire process.

The BCS hasn't enhanced our enjoyment of college football; it's forced us to become more disenchanted. That hurts.

Opinion polls, whether created by writers, coaches or fans, were never fair to start with, but they weren't supposed to be, really. They were only there to generate interest as the season built to a climax. Since then, computers have been added to muck up the process so it's out of our hands.

Hey, if something's going to mess things up, why not let it be humans?

When the silicon chips settled Sunday afternoon, Miami came out where it was supposed to, Nebraska was blessed, Oregon got (fill in your favorite expletive) and Colorado reinforced the argument for a playoff system.

No, the BCS doesn't stand for ... whatever you want it stand for. It only stands as a reminder that whatever corporate sponsors dictate is best - namely, merging their logos with that of bowl games' - is what's going to continue.

And no one comes out smelling like a Rose in this scenario. ...

--Major League Baseball has just determined that Bud Selig's haircut is bowl-eligible. ...

--Maybe you noticed another follicly challenged legend, Purdue basketball coach Gene Keady, in the area for last weekend's Wooden Classic.

It brings to mind a story from the book ``Life's a Joke: Tales of a College Basketball Vagabond'' by former USC assistant basketball coach Jack Fertig, currently on the bench at Fresno State with Jerry Tarkanian.

It goes back to when George Raveling retired as USC's head coach in 1994, forcing the school to seek a replacement.

One day, the USC athletic director approached Tarkanian, who had been out of coaching and was doing color commentary for Fox Sports. Not to see if he'd be interested, of course. But to see if he had any advice.

``I think you could get Gene Keady,'' Tark said of the coach who was about to lead the Boilermakers to a third straight Big Ten title.

The athletic director looked at him and said, ``Who's he?''

``He's the coach at Purdue,'' Tark responded, after figuring out that the A.D. wasn't joking.

``Is he any good?'' the AD asked.

``Yeah, he's great,'' Tark said.

By the way, Fertig purposely doesn't disclose the athletic director's name, probably not wanting to embarrass him. But anyone who's ever walked through Heritage Hall and looked at the Heisman trophies might be able to figure out who it was. And still is. ...

--Latest NHL stats show Minnesota's Andrew Brunette leading the league in assists.

And they say redheads are the Wild ones. ...

--Take Shaq at the free-throw line in a tie game with no time left any day over Lindsay Hunter. ...

--The auction for eBay.com item No. 1040885750 lasted 10 days but ended quietly late Saturday night without a single bid.

What was it? Carson Palmer's mouthpiece from the USC-UCLA game.

The guy who jumped the barrier and ran onto the field after the Nov. 17 game says he just found it, just laying right there on the grass. What's more, he wrote on the eBay description, there are a few pieces of Coliseum turf stuck in the mouth guard.

We know it belonged to the USC quarterback because Palmer's name and number, along with a USC logo, are laminated onto the yellow bit.

No saliva tests have been taken, either by Palmer or the seller.